anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?

Roo726

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:9175bc76-3020-45bf-a477-e15c2513c994">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring? : I very much agree with Roo. I made sure my BF knew that I wanted anything but gold and that I didn't want too much. And he knows my style, so I trust him with the decision. Let him know that you trust his decision, but still make sure he knows at least the basics (your size, if you preferred a certain metal, any styles you hate etc.)
Posted by allisond92[/QUOTE]

Hellelujah.

I still want some cherry pie though.

PandaBurr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:810542d5-3775-40d3-8b4d-bb2d84cdf613">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will say, Elle, that I think you're being a bit extreme.  Sure, you want it a certain way, but it sounds like the process of choosing and designing the ring has nothing to do with your boyfriend - like you're designing it, checking that it's all correct, and then just having it delivered to him and he just has to pay the bill.  I think at some point you have to give the person you're with some amount of trust - maybe design it together and then leave it in his hands?  I think my BF would be rather hurt if I didn't even trust him to deal with the jeweler on his own.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I did this too. For me and my FI, it was what worked out best for us. It's not a matter of trust; I trust him to be able to pick out some new fall boots for me, haha. I know he knows my sense of fashion and such, but my e-ring is pretty much the only big jewelry purchase we'll ever make (we have a joint banking account, and have for a while now). So, maybe I'm just nit-picky and completely high maintenence, but I wanted to make sure it'd be something I love completely. I guess I just don't see the point of making it a surprise, when it's such an expensive "gift". I know when I get my FI presents that cost over $100, I make sure it's something he really truly wants (like a Kindle, hehe. That's his Christmas present this year, shhhh) with no doubt whatsoever. I think I'm just not a big romantic.

PandaBurr

I don't buy into the whole "he should know" thing. My FI and I have an agreement that we TELL each other what we want, like, or dislike, etc (which is why I know he would be able to pick out nice boots for me). I just think it's too... I dunno... romantic-movie-ish to really think that your BF knows what you're thinking at all times about everything. I don't know everything about my FI, and he doesn't know everything about me. We're constantly learning more about each other every day, and I don't think that's going to change. It just makes me think about all the couples I know that get into fights because "he should've known that I don't like that" or "he should've known that I didn't really mean what I said" or some stupid shiit like that. Why not just avoid the situation altogether and TELL each other what you're thinking, including about what you like or don't like in an engagement ring.

Roo726

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:7505d67f-b92f-4ffe-bca9-57dab7509e07">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring? : Haha, I think PPs have taken your statement a bit extreme. All I can think is "why is everybody pickin' on Roo" (think song lyrics).
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

that's okay, thats how the interwebz work.  but yes, I think it was taken slightly out of context, i meant it as a fun thing, not a dreaded thing lol. whatevs...

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:106a357f-ccaa-40ef-881a-30b759101176">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring? : I did this too. For me and my FI, it was what worked out best for us. It's not a matter of trust; I trust him to be able to pick out some new fall boots for me, haha. I know he knows my sense of fashion and such, but my e-ring is pretty much the only big jewelry purchase we'll ever make (we have a joint banking account, and have for a while now). So, maybe I'm just nit-picky and completely high maintenence, but I wanted to make sure it'd be something I love completely. I guess I just don't see the point of making it a surprise, when it's such an expensive "gift". I know when I get my FI presents that cost over $100, I make sure it's something he really truly wants (like a Kindle, hehe. That's his Christmas present this year, shhhh) with no doubt whatsoever. I think I'm just not a big romantic.
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]

I heart Panda.

Cate -- it may be a bit extreme for most people's tastes, but it's what we both wanted.  BF has been afraid to buy me jewelry since our first Christmas together, when we went to a jewelry store and he told me to pick out something... and I couldn't.  I'm really not a big jewelry person, and so he really had nothing to go on to gauge my tastes.  The only other piece of jewelry he's ever bought me is one that I had specifically mentioned months before (he was just sweet enough to remember it).

Honestly, taking the reins in designing my engagement ring was as much for him as it was for me.  He didn't want to risk any mistakes.  He has, however, been included in the process since the beginning, and we agreed on a style before we starting contacting jewelers.  We wanted to be sure it was a reflection of both of us, not just me.

zipis1

I wanted to be involved because I'm not a maor jewelery wearer and am picky as all get out. And I am SO glad I did. If he had gone by the style of my other rings I would have ended up with a marquis cut. And if I hadn't have gone shopping in person...I would have ended up with a marquis cut. I though I wanted that at first, but once I tried it on as an e-ring I realized I just...didn't like it. Not for that. It felt wrong.

The rings I ended up gravitating toward were all round and princess cut stones, the two styles I really didn't think I'd want. And the ring I fell in love with was indeed round cut. Very different from what either of us would have thought had I not tried it on.

bethsmiles

I showed BF what I like and let him take it from there. I'm not picky at all and I'm sure I will love whatever he gets me.

HobokensFury

My FI wanted my E-ring to be a surprise so he asked my mom, sister, and best friend for advice.  They all had different ideas about what I wanted.  They only thing they could agree on was princess cut. Sister said pave, mom said 3 stone and best friend said halo. This stressed him out even more so he took me to pick out my own ring.  Guess what it is - A 3 stone princess cut halo setting with pave diamonds. LOL- they were all right.

abrady0409

we went shopping and secretly picked out eachothers rings and they were the same.  we had an amazing time and both of us are getting exactly what we want. I dont care about it being a suprise the way he proposes is suprise enough for me!

Marley90

Me and my bf went yesterday actually to go ring shopping to see what rings I liked and what looked bad on me.  I found out a lot about rings that I didn't know. I found out I hated halo rings, and twisted band rings looked bad on me(which is what I originally wanted) But in the end he is going to pick out the ring he wants to get me, which I am completely fine with.  My boyfriend isn't the best shopper, I mean he is a guy after all. Haha. I would not care at all if he did get me a halo ring or a twisted band ring, because it is a gift and its not about the ring at all. And plus there is always unity rings that serve as a engagement ring and a wedding band (which I found out about at the jewelry store) which you can pick out, so if you don't like your ring you can just trade it up for one of those.  Plus I think you will grow to love the ring he bought you.  My boyfriend gave me an ugly bracelet when we first started dating, but I wore it and grew to love it, because he bought it for me.  I just kept imagining him going to the jeweler by his self and picking it out and thought it was the cutest thing ever! But I guess in the end it is up to the couple what they want to do, and what works best for them. 

Marley90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:6159bd1c-2f0e-412b-97ed-905f169b78de">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Not a TEST TEST in a bad way, like your relationship is doomed if he gets the ring wrong i just think its a natural thing for a guy to pick it out, as it is a gift.  Nor did a say i wouldn't help, i just wouldn't bombard him with millions of photos or say that "i want this or that, or else I won't like it" I know you wear it forever, but there is an element to the surprise and people did this for centuries without helping.  But i just think part of this process is the guy either asking for help if he needs it, or doing it on his own if he wants to-it depends on the man. There are also your friends and family, sisters...all sorts of people.  I think a guy should kinda do his research is what I mean.  And if that is the style of the couple for the guy to just say "i want you to be happy, so come with me to pick it out" then I would say that is the adventure and appropriate for the couple.  THAT is what I meant by "test".  Not that I would refuse to help him lol. come on, that would be irrational.
Posted by Roo726[/QUOTE]



You make good points. After reading what you wrote, you kind of convinced me that a guy should do it on his own. Lol

tldh

DH introduced me to a jeweler who would be designing the ring.  He knew I wouldn't want something that anyone else could walk in and buy and knew that he didn't want to have me wearing something for the rest of my life  that I didn't absolutely love.  I still love him to death for this!!!!

redheadtmk

i agree with too many girls obsessing over it. I know many girls who picked out the exact ring they wanted. i am not putting these girls down. to each thier own. we do have to live with it for the rest of our lives so i can see why they would want to have input. looking back at my heading "refuse" was probably not the best choice of words. if he is stressed and worried i would give him some hints. and i am not staying out of the decision process because i thinks its a test. that was someone else's response to my original post.

LadyMadrid08

I helped pick out the ring because he proposed without one.  We wanted something simple, sweet, and inexpensive.  We bought it at Macy's and it is  beautiful.  Really, we knew that having a ring wasn't absolutely necessary, but we both liked the sybolism. 

I don't like the idea of it being a test, but I do know what PPs are saying.  Your guy should have some idea of what you like.  

Overall...there's so much focus on the ring that is kind of unnecessary.  I understand that you're going to wear it your whole life and for that reason, if it's so important to you I don't understand refusing to help pick it out.  If you've got the right man, does it mattter so much that he picks out the perfect ring with zero help?

prodigalgirl

My BF took me to a jewelry store to look at rings and get an idea of what I liked.  The problem?  I liked everything.  There were only two exceptions.  I don't want a princess cut (it's what my cheating XH gave me) and I don't want yellow gold. 

He asked me again a few weeks later.  Apparently, he'd been shopping around and asking other guys and everyone told him that the cut is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of choosing a ring and he should find out what cut I like best or he'll mess it all up.

I quickly assured him that I will love whatever he picks out and there wasn't one cut I loved or hated more than any of the others.  I've also told him that I wouldn't mind a sapphire or an emerald.

Since clearly expressing my pleasure in whatever he'd pick out, he seems more excited and less nervous.

Some guys feel they need that explicit direction when it comes to the ring, but I love the idea of being surprised and am happy that my guy is willing to do that

lexa10

If I had not picked out a few rings that I liked, he would not have bought anything. Him picking it out by hisself was not an option. However, I did make it hard for him, because I literally changed my mind every 2 weeks! I am a very outspoken, bold, talkative, and bright person, while he isn't the lesat bit flashy. Where I wanted big (don't take this bad.. Big for me is a 1 carat center) and sparkly, he wanted me to have what I like, but not over the top.. So, I picked out 3 that I loved and eventually narrowed it down to one.. While I love that one, I would be totally fine if he went with something else.. He knows what I absolutely don't like, and so I know that whatever he does decide to get will be just perfect!

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:8d680901-24db-4d2b-9a31-2091028cb968">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]My BF took me to a jewelry store to look at rings and get an idea of what I liked.  The problem?  I liked everything.  There were only two exceptions.  I don't <strong>want a princess cut</strong> (it's what my cheating XH gave me) and I don't want yellow gold.  He asked me again a few weeks later.  Apparently, he'd been shopping around and asking other guys and everyone told him that t<strong>he cut is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of choosing a ring and he should find out what cut I like best</strong> or he'll mess it all up. I quickly assured him that I will love whatever he picks out and there wasn't one cut I loved or hated more than any of the others.  I've also told him that I wouldn't mind a sapphire or an emerald. Since clearly expressing my pleasure in whatever he'd pick out, he seems more excited and less nervous. Some guys feel they need that explicit direction when it comes to the ring, but I love the idea of being surprised and am happy that my guy is willing to do that =)
Posted by prodigalgirl[/QUOTE]

For the sake of accuracy and clarity, I want to point out that there is a difference between CUT and SHAPE.

BlueNile puts it better than I could here:

<a href="http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds/diamond-cut" rel="nofollow">http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds/diamond-cut</a>

and here:

<a href="http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds/diamond-shape" rel="nofollow">http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds/diamond-shape</a>

redheadfsu

My FI didn't know much about diamonds, but he really wanted me to have a diamond ring. I mean I love my ring, but I didn't need it.

Before we spent thousands on a ring, I researched what I wanted. (we both did) I fell in love with hearts & arrows and so he got a nice diamond & a free setting. We replaced the setting recently (I picked it out). Personally I think it is strange to not help pick out the ring. I look at it like buying a house, car, or planning the wedding. Don't you brainstorm with your significant other? Why is this different? 

 I just don't understand the idea that romance is destroyed by working things out together. But maybe this is b/c traditional gender roles/ history of "romance" freaks me out.

Edit (I forgot to add):"Refusing" to help, means that you have to love whatever he gets you. No complaints, you lost that chance. Be completely grateful even if it is the ugliest thing you have ever seen.

PandaBurr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anyone-else-refuse-pick-out-thier-own-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d880ad2c-af0e-467c-806a-b049255131ccPost:4de23860-8c1b-4e60-b272-7784b1104dda">Re: anyone else refuse to help pick out thier own ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI didn't know much about diamonds, but he really wanted me to have a diamond ring. I mean I love my ring, but I didn't need it. Before we spent thousands on a ring, I researched what I wanted. (we both did) I fell in love with hearts & arrows and so he got a nice diamond & a free setting. We replaced the setting recently (I picked it out). Personally I think it is strange to not help pick out the ring. I look at it like buying a house, car, or planning the wedding. Don't you brainstorm with your significant other? Why is this different?   I just don't understand the idea that romance is destroyed by working things out together. But maybe this is b/c traditional gender roles/ history of "romance" freaks me out. Edit (I forgot to add):"Refusing" to help, means that you have to love whatever he gets you. No complaints, you lost that chance. Be completely grateful even if it is the ugliest thing you have ever seen.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Me and you, redhead, we're on the same wavelength here.

I think the argument is that it's a gift, and it's rude to demand a gift, or something like that. I dunno.