Invitation wording help

NurseyK

Read the below.... Do you think this is too wordy?

For our etiquette we had to consider this:
-Everyone is hosting and we're paying more than half, so we put our names first.
-We want to include Greg's dad's name because he might not be alive then, and I thought it might be a sweet way to recognize him without it being a eulogy. He also gave us money for the honeymoon.
-We want the wedding to be Christian, but not overly done.

God has led two lives to take one path

 

The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of

Miss Kirsten Dominique

to

Gregory Russell ...

together with their parents

 John and Veronica (my parents)

and

Robert Keith (Greg's Dad) and  

Samuel and Kathy (Greg's mom + step dad)

request the honour of your presence 

when they vow their lives to one another 

and become united as one in Christ

Saturday, the tenth of March

two thousand twelve 

at four o'clock in the afternoon

The Wes...

(Address)...

(Address)...

CASK85

There are ettiquite rules for whether or not you say request the honor of your presence versus request the pleasure of your company if you're getting married at a church versus somewhere else. Also, you said request the pleasure twice, so I took one out. That said, below is what I would go with. 

 Kirsten DominiqueandGregory Russelltogether with their parents John and Veronica Last NameandRobert Keith and  Samuel and Kathy Last Name
request the honour of your presence when they vow their lives to one another and become united as one in ChristSaturday, the tenth of Marchtwo thousand twelve at four o'clock in the afternoonThe Wes...(Address)...(Address)...

jaycee7389

I like cschianos wording. 

NurseyK

Thank you!

desertsun

I just personally am not a fan of using vow as a verb. I know that technically it's not incorrect; the wording there just feels awkward to me. I would like "pledge" or "promise their lives..." better.

Other than that, yes, what Cschiano has there.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_invitation-wording-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:da7ea9a7-0792-42a3-80bf-5fad5455719cPost:02f1bad3-421f-4e32-9043-9534002050d4">Re: Invitation wording help</a>:
[QUOTE]I just personally am not a fan of using vow as a verb. I know that technically it's not incorrect; the wording there just feels awkward to me. I would like "pledge" or "promise their lives..." better. Other than that, yes, what Cschiano has there. :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this.</div>

jaycee7389

Not sure if this is correct, but according to other boards you are not supposed to say brides parents "and" grooms parents. You may want to double check that