Hello, all. I've lurked for a little bit since the BF and I started talking marriage talk but figured I would introduce myself (and ask for a little ring-perspective) since the BF gave me a timeline; engaged sometime this year and married early to mid-next year. His family is visiting mine in mid-summer this year (they have to fly half way across the world to do so) and I've flew in January of this year half way across the world to meet his immediate family so I have the "stamp" of approval, if you will. Question for you first...how many of your SOs picked out or will pick out the ring without any guidance from you? When the timeline came up from the BF I asked what he thought he was going to do ring-wise and if he wanted my input other than "no yellow gold" (and if he wanted my input I would need to look around, as I don't really wear jewelry and haven't the slightest idea what would look good on me- I've never worn rings). He thought that it would take the romance and mystery out of it and wanted to do it on his own, which I think is sweet but it makes me a teensy nervous. Anyone else in a similar situation? He also was confused because he thought we would pick out wedding bands together but the engagement ring he would be in charge of and that the "wedding band" is what you wore for life not the engagement ring plus wedding band. I've always known people to wear both, correct? I think he was confused because the engagement ring and wedding band often come in a set to make it look like one big ring.
Screen Name: minskat30
Age: 30
Significant Other's Age: 35
What You Do: Attorney
What SO Does: Software Engineer
State of Relationship: Moving in together this summer.
How Long You've Been Together: A year and a few months
How You Met: Online
Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married): N/A
Real Babies: N/A
Fur Babies: A Great Pyrenees...loveable, big bear who is slightly (well, maybe more than slightly) crazy.
Loves: The BF, the dog, walking, cooking/baking/grilling, cooking blogs (Pioneer Woman, Smitten Kitchen, etc.), white wine and lots of cheese (except Blue Cheese) and exercise classes to burn off all that cooking, wine and cheese.
Hates: A sense of entitlement, a lack of appreciation.
Pet Peeves: Cutting in line, cracking fingers.
Hobbies/Activities: Mostly cooking related or exercise related.
Favorite Thing About Your SO: The way he can make everything seem ok with a look, a hug or a kiss. The fact that he loves my crazy dog. That he pushes me out of my shell and makes me feel safe to say whatever is on my mind.
Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: He can get pretty cranky when he doesn't eat on a regular schedule- and the boy eats A LOT (wish I had his metabolism).
Describe Your Personality: Laid-back, kind and empathetic but hardworking, driven and uber-protective of my loved ones.
Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): Maybe 3...I've been told "sarcasm doesn't suit you" by a number of people.
I've Been On TK Since: Just now.
How You Came to Be On TK: Don't know how I stumbled here in the first instance.
How I like my potatoes: Cheesy.Favorite book/author: I love the Harry Potter books.Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I've traveled a lot (the BF and I have been on 6 or so trips in the year+ we've been together so we both love exploring new places even for a weekend) and I used to sing opera (competitively not professionally).
Re: Picking Out the Ring Without Me and Intro
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H vaguely asked what type of ring I wanted, and we looked here and there for almost a year before we got enaged. In the end though, we still went ring shopping together, but I didn't know when he bought it, or when or how he was going to propose, so it was still very much a surprise to me. (and besides, while I love my ring, it was definitely not the part I was most excited about as far as the proposal went). It's really personal preference though, if he's bought jewelry for you before that you've liked, then I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if you are concerned about it, maybe you should try to give him a few more specifics of what you'd like to help him navigate a little better.
You say you and your BF like to travel? Where have you been together?
I have to say I was shocked (but pleasantly so) when he said he wanted to pick it out by himself because he hates finding the perfect gift for people (gets stressed that they won't like it, etc.). I'm usually in charge of picking out presents for family/friends. That said, he did give me a lovely diamond and silver necklace that is pretty much the only piece of jewelry I wear. He got my mom's input on it but he does have great taste in everything else he wears/buys for himself.
thelamarrs- I agree, I love the idea of him picking out something for me and I'm sure I will love it. I do really like the idea of a surpirse too...just wanted to see if others had a similar situation.
jemmini- We've been to Napa, San Francisco, Austin, Mexico (Cancun), throughout Wisconsin and several places in India (Delhi, Agra, etc.). His mom lives in India currently so I went to meet the family in January of this year. We are both pretty well traveled on our own too before we met (we both lived in London at one point in our respective lives and traveled around a lot while living "across the pond"). I love, love, love True Blood by the way. It is one of the few shows I watch on TV. Are you excited for the season to start?
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc
I picked out my own ring and had a very difficult time finding something I liked. H rather preferred I pick mine out because that way he couldn't go wrong. He actually ended up proposing with a costume jewelry ring because mine wasn't ready yet but he wanted to propose at Disneyland.
Mine is a set, so it was purchased together. Some people always wear both, some people only wear one, and some people only have one. Of my friends, most have two rings and always wear both.
I think there's value in trying stuff on and figuring out what you like. If he wants to surprise you, you can go by yourself to determine what you like and provide some guidelines to help him pick something. For example, I really didn't want anything too big or too tall. Trying things on helped me figure out how to quantify too big.
I haz a planning bio
[QUOTE] Would he be against you going and looking by yourself, just so you have an idea of what you like?
Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]
I think I will wait for him to bring it up. I'm not sure if maybe he already had something in mind? When I asked if he wanted my input he mentioned how he wanted to surprise me and make it romantic and said something along the lines of "well if I got your opinion, I'd have to get it quick" then changed the subject. I don't want to hurt his feelings at all if he already had something in mind. I put the subject out there so I think I will wait for him to bring it up again and leave it be for now. I'm sure I'd be happy with just about anything he gave me since he has great taste. It just really threw me for a loop since, in the past, an ex-BF asked to look at rings with him (I realized I didn't want to marry him so I sidestepped the quiestion/looking at rings with him and gently broke up with him shortly thereafter). I just "assumed" that was what couples did now a days (look at rings together, that is, not breaking up after a BF asks you to look at rings). I'll have a little faith in my SO- if he needs input he certainly can get it from my mom or his mom like he did my necklace.
Thank you ladies for the warm welcome!
BF and I have only been together about 6 months right now, so we haven't really set much in the way of timeline, and we definitely haven't looked at rings other than accidentally (no, I swear. He saw a watch he liked when we were window shopping, and it just so happened to be right next to a Tacori display with a ring I love). IF he and I get to that point, we'll probably do some window shopping, and then he'll want to do it on his own.
My brother, thinks along the same as your bf. He doesn't want any input from his gf and wants the entire things to be a total surprise. I agree with you, that I'd be skeptical about that.
Just shoot him some links or pictures of rings you think are closer to your flavor. Or ask him to take you with him just to check a few out. One store will have lots of options. If he says no, then go on your own with a girlfriend so she can mention to him that she has an idea of what you'd appreciate.
My ring did not come with a band. It was actually hard looking for a band that matched mine. The jeweler we go to is a private one. They didn't have anything that matched up perfect but we found one where they can mold it to my ring when they size it down. The only reason we put a deposit so early was because he gave us a great deal ($300 less and not charging to make it white gold instead of the original yellow gold). If we would have had one made to fit my ring, it would have been $1200.
[QUOTE]I have to say I was shocked (but pleasantly so) when he said he wanted to pick it out by himself because he hates finding the perfect gift for people (gets stressed that they won't like it, etc.). I'm usually in charge of picking out presents for family/friends. That said, he did give me a lovely diamond and silver necklace that is pretty much the only piece of jewelry I wear. He got my mom's input on it but he does have great taste in everything else he wears/buys for himself. thelamarrs- I agree, I love the idea of him picking out something for me and I'm sure I will love it. I do really like the idea of a surpirse too...just wanted to see if others had a similar situation. jemmini- We've been to Napa, San Francisco, Austin, Mexico (Cancun), throughout Wisconsin and several places in India (Delhi, Agra, etc.). His mom lives in India currently so I went to meet the family in January of this year. We are both pretty well traveled on our own too before we met (we both lived in London at one point in our respective lives and traveled around a lot while living "across the pond"). <strong>I love, love, love True Blood by the way. It is one of the few shows I watch on TV. Are you excited for the season to start?</strong>
Posted by minskat30[/QUOTE]
Yes! It's also one of the few shows I actually watch, so I'm excited for some new ones. This season should be interesting since it's probably nothing like the book, so it'll all be new for me.