Can we talk therapy?

Ollie08

So after Shoes' post yesterday, I really started thinking about some of the things that had been going on in my life recently. I have had an overwhelming case of cold feet too and haven't done anything to address it. I actually never went to counseling/therapy after my divorce. I handled it all on my own through research and rationalization etc. But to be honest, I think I really should have gone.

I would like to talk to someone before we get married. Not because I'm worried that my relationship won't work out or because I'm scared of marriage, but I want to make sure that when we say "I do" that I'm in the right state of mind. That being said, for those of you that go to therapy I have a few questions: 

How did you find your therapist?
What are some important things you looked for?
Are there different kinds of therapists I should be aware of?

Swazzle

I don't have any advice because I haven't been to a therapist but I wanted to give you big :::hugs:::

DetArt00

I go to a counselor for other reasons (guy broke into my apt this summer while I was home), and my primary care doctor referred me to a great one. Maybe start there? I'd call them up and ask who they recommend for your situation, and then you could look up their suggestions online.

loves2shop4shoes

I think therapy is an amazing thing.  If you have the slightest feeling that you need therapy, GO.  It can't hurt.  I promise.

I found my therapist because the institute which he is a part of is affiliated with my alma mater, and I started going to therapy there in college.

Now, I will say...finding a good therapist is EXACTLY like finding a good lover.  Once you realize that they don't do it for you, you've already been intimate.  Go with your gut.  If the therapist makes you feel uncomfortable initially, they're not right for you.

But basically what you're looking for is a therapist that is conveniently located, who accepts your insurance (or whose office lets you pay on a sliding scale according to your salary), and who makes you feel comfortable.

There are different kinds of therapists.  There are psychologists, who have a PhD.  There are psychiatrists, who have an MD and can prescribe medicine, and then there are people who have an LICSW or MSW who are just plain old therapists.  Psychologists and psychiatrists tend to be more expensive, and you really don't need to deal with them unless you need medication.

And since you're getting married soon, I'd get my arse to a therapist ASAP.

tuarceatha

I went to a counselor for panic attacks/anxiety a few years back.

How did you find your therapist?
I asked my regular doc to recommend someone, who recommended someone else, who recommended some one else, who became my first counselor. I <3ed her.

What are some important things you looked for?
I think you kinda have to interview them. I went to one once recently and she failed the interview. Kinda  funny story if anyone wants to know.

Are there different kinds of therapists I should be aware of?
There are. You can probably search your insurance website for docs that accept that insurance. You can google them and find reviews and what not. They usually have profiles that bullet point the issues they are most familiar with. Plus there are all sorts of titles I know little about.

The lady I met with that I loved back in the day, asked if I wanted her to talk to my next counselor once I moved away because she wanted to recommend her method/style of therapy she had been using?

I miss her.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:2be33b8e-209e-4bc0-9a9f-5b051c7f8517">Re: Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE] What are some important things you looked for? I think you kinda have to interview them. I went to one once recently and she failed the interview. Kinda  <strong>funny story if anyone wants to know.</strong> Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

I do!

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:d47985b3-d8cb-42ec-b046-a508cfe2b86d">Re: Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we talk therapy? : I do!
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Me too!

And thanks ladies, I think I knew where to start, but I feel overwhelmed with so many options. I'll talk to my PCP to see if they can recommend someone. Or I've got to have some friends that have been before, right?

tuarceatha

Okay so I was all sorts of anxious and I figured it was because I was stressed about my parents' separation. And I thought "talking to a professional helped so much before, I should go again and spill out all these stresses, fears, concerns, etc with a professional rather than the people that are actually involved."

So I set up an appt with a doc that takes my insurance. Met her after work in a building and office similar to the experience before.

We go into her office and she asks whether I wanna lie down in on a couch or sit across from her in a comfy chair. I opt for the sitting across from her. I get to talking and telling her about my family and what is going on and she proceeds to agree with me (always nice), tell me my dad is bipolar (?), drop the f-bomb as an adjective or two. I'm like okok she is trying to show her support for how I'm feeling... and I keep talking and answering her clarification questions. Then I start to notice her nodding slows down. AND HER HEAD IS DIPPING! The woman is falling asleep on me. So I sorta stumble and loose my train of thought and she pipes up. And then goes back to nodding off! After a bit of a nap she tells me my time is up.

a. I found in inappropriate that she was labeling people in my family with conditions based on my crazy person description of them. Unprofessional, no?
b. I don't curse with my clients, do you?
c. WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A SELF-CENTERED, BORING, PERSON WITH DUMB PROBLEMS.

Everyone I told laughed, even my regular doctor.

Ollie08

I don't want to laugh, but wow... That's so what I'm afraid of! lol I just need to find someone pretty decent in the beginning so it doesn't discourage me.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:a1dc1bfc-9ad0-4889-b48d-968104e021b7">Re: Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so I was all sorts of anxious and I figured it was because I was stressed about my parents' separation. And I thought "talking to a professional helped so much before, I should go again and spill out all these stresses, fears, concerns, etc with a professional rather than the people that are actually involved." So I set up an appt with a doc that takes my insurance. Met her after work in a building and office similar to the experience before. We go into her office and she asks whether I wanna lie down in on a couch or sit across from her in a comfy chair. I opt for the sitting across from her. I get to talking and telling her about my family and what is going on and she proceeds to agree with me (always nice), tell me my dad is bipolar (?), drop the f-bomb as an adjective or two. I'm like okok she is trying to show her support for how I'm feeling... and I keep talking and answering her clarification questions. Then I start to notice her nodding slows down. AND HER HEAD IS DIPPING! The woman is falling asleep on me. So I sorta stumble and loose my train of thought and she pipes up. And then goes back to nodding off! After a bit of a nap she tells me my time is up. a. I found in inappropriate that she was labeling people in my family with conditions based on my crazy person description of them. Unprofessional, no? b. I don't curse with my clients, do you? c. WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A SELF-CENTERED, BORING, PERSON WITH DUMB PROBLEMS. Everyone I told laughed, even my regular doctor.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

Did you call her out on sleeping on the job?

tuarceatha

In her defense, it was like 8:30 at night when we finished, she said she was in the middle of moving, and she had to be about 65 years old... But really! I haven't made the effort to find anyone else, I just am dealing with things myself. Not ideal, but life goes on even if I don't get professional advice about how to handle it.

I did not call her out on it. I was so embarrassed (?). I'm totally not confrontational. I paid my $20 co-pay and vowed never to see her again.

I found the first counselor SO helpful. She pointed out so many things I could do to make me feel better about things. She totally helped me find myself. I miss her all the time.

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:5923f27a-5974-4871-8ab9-d41271280931">Re: Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I found the first counselor SO helpful. She pointed out so many things I could do to make me feel better about things. She totally helped me find myself. I miss her all the time.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

See, I really would love to find someone like that! Could you not do phone appointments with her? I'm not really sure how the whole thing works since I've obviously never been, but she sounds ideal!

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:d3ada4a7-1807-48d6-89e4-af8f170f0c51">Re: Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we talk therapy? : See, I really would love to find someone like that! Could you not do phone appointments with her? I'm not really sure how the whole thing works since I've obviously never been, but she sounds ideal!
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]


You know I think I asked, but she is in Massachusetts and I'm here in Virginia. Plus different insurance that is not nationwide.

flygirlmeg

Two big thumbs up for a GOOD therapist.  BF and I go about once a month.  We used to go more often (like when I came home from deployment last year) but now just the once a month for "maintenance".  At least, that's what we like to call it.  We found ours through a referral from my insurance and it just happened that we like her.  She really gets us and knows when to dig into an issue.  We've also learned a ton of really valuable communication skills and our relationship is so much stronger because of that. 
Another girlfriend of mine was going to a different therapist when she was going through her divorce and said she didn't really "click" with her.  So she didn't feel like it helped.  So, I think you have to talk about what you're both looking for in a therapist and then meet with the therapist and see if you "click."  Our first couple sessions were more about getting to know us but by sessions 3 and 4 we were definitely learning a lot.  As long as the therapist isn't scary/unprofessional/"unclicky" it might take a couple sessions to see progress.  I'm excited for you guys - you'll learn so much!!

kellyt89

Going through your PCP is probably the easiest. Also, I have Blue Cross insurance and you can look for doctors/therapists/etc online and know they take your plan, which is convenient. Other plans probably have this too. Then you just call the doctor to see if they have openings.

My roommate searched around for therapists and really took the time to find one she liked best and is extremely happy with therapy and she's made a lot of positive changes. Being willing to "shop around" is important.

I think it's great that you're looking into this.

tdwpg1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-talk-therapy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dcf922b3-f125-40a5-a549-a0c65831d856Post:5ed9fb82-e990-45e9-b466-f47a802a2fd1">Can we talk therapy?</a>:
[QUOTE]So after Shoes' post yesterday, I really started thinking about some of the things that had been going on in my life recently. I have had an overwhelming case of cold feet too and haven't done anything to address it. I actually never went to counseling/therapy after my divorce. I handled it all on my own through research and rationalization etc. But to be honest, I think I really should have gone. I would like to talk to someone before we get married. Not because I'm worried that my relationship won't work out or because I'm scared of marriage, but I want to make sure that when we say "I do" that I'm in the right state of mind. That being said, for those of you that go to therapy I have a few questions:  How did you find your therapist? What are some important things you looked for? Are there different kinds of therapists I should be aware of?
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I haven't been to a therapist for a long time, but there are definitly different types. Some specialize in couple's therapy, some in mood disorders, some in eating disorders etc etc. All my therapists I found through referals from a doctor. One was completely nuts. It was a family therapist I went to see when I was a kid. He said my behaviour was childish and tried to convince my parents that if I was going to act like a child I needed to be treated like one. He thought they should buy me a crib to sleep in, make me wear diapers and not allow me to use the toilet, only the diapers, and only drink formula out of bottles and eat baby food and stuff like that. He was nuts. I'd say avoid one like that.

</div>

tdwpg1984

Oh and forgot one thing, some employers offer therapy. As part of my benefits through work I have access to a program where I can speak to someone on the phone as a one off, or I can see a therapist, but it has to be on the list of work approved people. They have a number you can call to get a referal, and I get 6 free hours of therapy per year. Spouses and children generally qualify too. You may want to see if your employer offers a program like that....