Hi Everyone,
I joined the knot not too long ago - I love weddings, and I've lurked for a long time.
Sorry this is kind of long - I guess I'm looking for a few opinions on this situation. My boyfriend and I haven't been together very long.. it's been less than a year, but from our first date, we've been inseparable. We moved in together after 2 months , and everything has been great so far. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but I can definitely see myself spending the next 10, 20, 70 years with him. I am head over heels in love with him.
We went over to his grandparents' house for dinner last week, and at one point, my boyfriend's mother asked my boyfriend to run to the store to pick up something for the dessert she was making. He asked if I wanted to go, and his mother went "Oh.. I was hoping she'd stay and help me set the table." Now, a little background. I love his mother and we're very good friends. The two of us are constantly going out to lunch and shopping together. We have a great relationship.
Once he left, she pulled me aside and asked if my boyfriend and I were "okay." I was taken aback and said that I was sure we were.. but why was she asking? Was there something I needed to be worried about? And she said something along the lines of: "Well, I shouldn't tell you this, but I just can't stand to see my son get hurt. He's planning on proposing to you very soon, and I know the differences between the two of you. You overanalyze everything and think rationally, while he gets caught up in his emotions. My fear is that you're going to say no, and that he's going to be crushed. So tell me, what are you going to say? Should I try to convince him to hold off a few more months?"
I was absolutely astonished, and I just did not know how to respond. In the moment, I just said "I don't know.. that's something for him and I to figure out."
I know I'd say yes, but what the heck? She kept saying that she didn't mean to offend me or anything, and that she would be thrilled if I became a member of the family, but really??? Let him do it on his own - he's a grown man. He knows where the two of us are in our relationship more than she does.. he doesn't need someone to test things things out for him. Plus, I would have loved to be surprised!
My major concern right now is that I feel like I'm being dishonest with my boyfriend. I don't want to ruin his plans, but it doesn't seem fair to him to pretend that I don't know, and then act surprised when he pops the question. What if down the line, he finds out I knew all along? We've always been very open with each other - no secrets. Then again - if I tell him, it could cause a rift between him and his mom as well as cause issues between her and I.
Should I explain to him what happened? Should I approach his mom and tell her that I'm uncomfortable keeping that from him? Should I just pretend it didn't happen? What do you think?
