Too Young???

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e1d872c3-fe72-4543-8e0f-aea294047112Post:4efa6e07-1951-43d8-9003-5e835e2c28c9">Re: Too Young???</a>:
[QUOTE]Desert, how are you so freakin' wise all the time?  If you choose to have kids, you will be the greatest mother on the planet.
Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Aw, thank you so much! You are too sweet. :) </div>

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e1d872c3-fe72-4543-8e0f-aea294047112Post:da6fdaac-6fcd-481f-92c7-23a9df42b289">Re: Too Young???</a>:
[QUOTE]! Although I admit I  have a lot to learn about being an "adult". We are fortunate that my parents are paying for the entire wedding and his parents are paying for the entire honeymoon. So all the money we get from the wedding will be going to us to begin our lives together. <strong>I haven't been financially on my own yet my dad has basically paid for everything.</strong> So it will be quite a change but I am ready to be independent and begin a life with my husband learning and exploring things together! Posted by marinarose24[/QUOTE]


In my personal opinion, I think it is very important to be financially stable ON YOUR OWN before you get married. It really gives you a sense of who you are and allows you to grow as a person, the same goes with living on your own.

That's just my opinion though. Everyone is different.


ETA: And also getting married does not make you independent. It makes you independent from your parents, you will still be dependent on your husband as you two will now be a unit.

LadyMadrid08

I got engaged at 19 and married at 20.  None of our close family or friends said anything about being too young, at least not in a tsk tsk kind of way.  What I found, as PPs mentioned, is that people are just voicing their concern because the statistics are not on your side.

In my case I was still in school (graduating this July!)  but my husband had been in a stable job already for a few years and he is 6 years older than me.  One thing a lot of people worry about is finances with a young couple because many times they fall on hard times more easily than already established couples and that can lead to a lot of frustration and arguing.  However, I do know many people who go through tough times with money that married young (friends that are a bit older than me) and they were able to get through it together and it strengthened their relationship.

I would agree that counseling is a good idea and really understanding what you and your FI want/expect out of marriage.  Addressing your family's concerns head-on and in a mature manner is also something you should do like PPs mentioned.

I'm not going to say age doesn't matter because I think it can make a difference -- largely because maturity is so often linked to age.  Some arguments about living on your own, experiencing life on your own, being financially independent before getting married...well, I don't one hundred percent agree with them.  Where I live (in Spain) almost no one meets these requirements and most marriages work out well (granted, Spaniards rarely marry before 30 -- and live with their parents until then-- so maybe that has something to do with it?).

I think I'm rambling and not making any sense now, but I would say that if you and your FI are one hundred percent sure of your decision then all you can do is stand strong, maturely engage in conversations with close family that voice concerns about you, and get pre-marital counseling.  

Hopefully you were able to get something out of my rambling.  If you want to PM me I'd be glad to talk more about it as I went through it as well.

oceana919

Here's the criteria I feel a couple should meet before they get married:

a) Be a legal adult

b) Having been together for at least a year

c) Have a degree (or be pretty close) and be headed towards a career and/or graduate education (if they're not there already)

d) Be financially independent and financially stable

e) Being capable of living independently - paying bills, handling adult issues, doing your own laundry, etc.

f) Possesses the maturity, patience, and emotional/mental stability to handle the responsibility and sacrifices of marriage

Again, these are my own criteria...people don't have to agree with them or follow them.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e1d872c3-fe72-4543-8e0f-aea294047112Post:541bc910-0ddc-4179-b1d5-4e24cf48f9b2">Re: Too Young???</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Desert. But I do want to add my two cents: I don't like the line "age is just a number". Because there is a line there, when age is MORE than a number.<strong> If a 16 year old came on here saying she wanted to get married right out of highschool,</strong> she'd be told she was too young. While OP sounds very reasonable about this, I just want to throw that in. So to respond to the OP question, I like Desert's phrasing.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]


FI's grandma got married when she was 16 and had a kids at 17, 18 & 19.  His grandparents were married until his grandpa passed away 8 years ago.  FI's parents got married when they were both 19, my parents got married at 19 and 22 and both our parents are still married. 

However, I would NEVER recommend that anyone do this nowadays.  Times  have changed and marrying that young is almost never a good idea.  Basically, the "my parents did it so I can too" arguement is usually pretty empty.  That's not to say that it's not possible, but I'd rather see people be confident in their own relationships than to refer to their parents.