Changing the date... again?

prasad007

Ok, so a few weeks ago FI and I changed our wedding date from May 28th to April 23rd. This makes it a bit more tricky since it is closer to when my classes end (yay-- last year of school!). Also, the dj probably won't be able to make it, and neither will one of FI's aunts. We changed the date because my 90 year old grandmother (who lives across the country) was planning a trip out here but would have to leave before May 1st. Well, of course noone told her that we changed our date (don't want to stress her out, make her feel pressured). Last night my mom was telling me about a conversation she had with my grandmother... My grandmother was generally confused and talking about my two older sisters' upcoming weddings (when really just one of them is getting married, next September). My grandmother said she wasn't going to come for a visit in the Spring, and was just coming out in September for my older sister's wedding.

I understand that it's very hard to travel at 90 and also my older sister is also the eldest of a ridiculous amount of grandkids and so it is a pretty big deal. My grandmother also didn't know that we had changed our date, and in fact had forgotten that I was even getting married in the first place. But somehow I still feel kind of hurt.

Now that she's not coming, should we change our date back to the original May 28th? I feel so frustrated and like I just want to stick with one thing-- I don't want to have to call all the vendors again about changing the date. I feel super frustrated. FI thinks we should change it back, but at the same time I don't know what will happen with my grandmother in the next 7 months and she might change her mind.

What do you think?

calindi

If the first date was better for you, and the vendors are flexible, then do it.  If you're going to lose a lot of money changing the dates, then don't.  But pick a date now and stick with it.  At some point you have to accept that people will either make it or they won't, and you can't schedule it around everyone else.

PaigeMcC

I understand that you want your grandmother there but changing your date multiple times will confuse everyone (and you may start to incur costs associated with this).  Keep the date you have and whoever can come will be there. You can't accommodate everyone all the time.

dwest2201

I say keep the date you had originally.  One of the biggest issues with a wedding date is that not everyone you want to make it will be able to (esp. when traveling is involved).  Honestly at 90 your grandma might not make it to either of your weddings, hopefully she is healthy and able to make to make it out at least once nxt year, but you never know... plan your wedding for what works best for you and then hope that all your loved ones will be able to be there... that is all you can do!

[Deleted User]

I say go with your original date, as well (provided you haven't already put down deposits on the other date) and just stick with it.  We know there will be people from out of town who won't be able to make it - whenever you try to schedule something with more than 2 people, you're not going to be able to please everyone.

My 90 year old grandmothers will not be able to come to my wedding, either.  It bums me a bit because they were able to come out for my younger brother's wedding, but that was also 8 years ago, before either of them was living in an assisted living.  My mom is actually visiting grandmas this week (they actually live across the hall from each other - my parents grew up in the same small town) and she's working with the assisted living center to see if it will be possible to use one of their computers to hook up to Skype for the ceremony (provided the church will allow it - I can't imagine they won't, seeing as how I've been a member my entire life and it's only to so that my grandmothers can attend)...if skype doesn't work out, the same friend who said they'd hold the laptop during the ceremony also said they'd hold a cell phone and will be responsible for calling my grandmas and letting them listen to the ceremony...either way, they'll be at the ceremony with me.

breezerb

I say if it works better for you and your FI then change it back

UNLESS: you have sent out some kind of STDs or put deposits on things (ie. reception, caterer, dj etc)

prasad007

No, we haven't put deposits down on anything but the photographer, and I'm sure she will be happy to change back. The resort/cabins place has already blocked themselves out for us, but I can probably change weekends on them. We are going on Oct 9 to meet with the caterer in person/arrange the reception for their farm. It would also give us more time.

Angie-- Skype was our original plan for including my grandmother, as we had already 'come to peace' as it were that she wouldn't be attending our wedding. I hope that works out for you.

I guess I got my hopes up that she would be there. I shouldn't have.

Oh-- and also she doesn't live in assisted living. She lives in the same home that she and my grandfather bought for $1 down  when they immigrated to Canada. Now that my grandfather is gone, she lives there alone. She does have children and grandchildren that live close by though.

motoLyn

I'm sorry to hear your grandmother can't make it.  In the end like the PP you will have to accept not everyone can make it.  But I would definitely go with the date that is better for you in terms of planning, pressure and your vendors.  I hope it all works out for you.  Just take joy from those who can attend and celebrate with you.  I'm sure your grandmother sends her love and she can congratulate you when she sees you in the fall for your sister's wedding.

calindi

I might be bitter, but I sort of wish my grandma wouldn't be able to make it to my wedding.  She made both my high school and college graduations difficult and was a complete nightmare drama queen.

She's coming down this weekend with my Mom, and that's already been turned into a horse and pony show.  First, we had to wonder whether she was going to throw some attention-seeking fit in the middle of the airport and refuse to board the plane, which luckily didn't happen.  She's been known to fake heart attacks and fainting spells just so she can go to the hospital and get attention.  She's nuts.  Now she's on the plane, and we have been informed that she wants to shop for a wedding dress for me while she's down here.

1) My Mom and I hate to shop.  At all.  Ever.
2) I'm not engaged and will not step foot in a dress store
3) She won't be invited to dress shop even when I am engaged.  It'll just be me and my Mom.

Ugh!  I need prescription sedatives to get through this weekend.  Can I trade?  I'll find a way to get your grandma to your wedding since you clearly want her there, and you find a way to keep my grandma away from mine someday?

purplepeopleeater11

I'm with you Cate.  It's good to know someone else doesn't have the warm fuzzy relationship with their grandmother.  Mine doesn't seem to have as many...quirks as yours, she's just not a nice person.

prasad007

So sorry your grandmother sounds so nasty Calindi!!! Mine is super sweet and I wish she would come-- at least I'll get to see her in September at my sister's wedding.

We're switching the date back. And that is the last time the date is changing. Unfortunately, I got confirmation from Parks Canada about the ceremony site today so I have to email back and let them know of the date change (again).

Thanks ladies for all your input!