Messed-Up V-Day

Heather2256

Found out a couple days ago that my BF's mom will be staying with us on valentine's day. This is because he is driving her to a town 3 hours away so she'll make it to her court date/trial. What a wonderful way to spend the day! Oh, and he's taking her out to dinner. Why? Because she just got out of jail last week (had been there since September of last year) & he wants to take her out. Which is sweet, but on valentine's day? Anyone else having a messed up v-day?

[Deleted User]

I would relax and go with the flow. BF and I aren't doing anything on actual valentine's day this year...we're celebrating the weekend before. No biggie. Come up with plans for a different day if you want...

I think it's nice that your BF wants to see his mom after all that time. And on a personal note I wouldn't make enemies with a potential FMIL...especially one that's been to jail!

ravenray

I am in class all day so we wont do anything.  We wanted to go canoeing on the 13th but he has a Cal 2 test on V day so that won't be happening either.... We are pretty boring like that.

Allusive- LOL!  Good advice!

Heather2256

Well we don't really do anything for valentine's either since our anniversary is this month also, but it's always nice to have the option. And no, I'm not making enemies with his mom! I just think it's a little weird that he picks that day.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:8a3f0806-56be-44ca-9ef6-99d0d5f48900">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Well we don't really do anything for valentine's either since our anniversary is this month also, but it's always nice to have the option. And no, I'm not making enemies with his mom! I just think it's a little weird that he picks that day.
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]



If you don't really do anything for vday, then why are you complaining? It's his mom, regardless if she got out of jail or not. If you reeeaallly want to do something on that day, do it during the day.

Grow up.

PolkaDotBella

I know many couples who do not celebrate v-day on Feb. 14! My bf and I always celebrate the weekend before or weekend after...  Like other's have said, find another day and celebrate then! Though you did say that you guys don't really do anything for v-day, so what's the problem?

Personally, I think it's very sweet of your bf to want to spend time with his mom and that he's willing to drive her to her court date!

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:96b084cf-d055-43ee-b782-b02425a3d08f">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Messed-Up V-Day : If you don't really do anything for vday, then why are you complaining? It's his mom, regardless if she got out of jail or not. If you reeeaallly want to do something on that day, do it during the day. Grow up.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I love you, Audgie. The end.

bourgehm

Did you guys have anything planned for v-day? If not, then your plans didn't really get wrecked. If you did, maybe push them back or something. I can't really talk though, because FI tried to push back our plans to hang out with his brother to volunteer at church and I was quite upset. However, we had plans already and he figured I wouldn't be mad if he just pushed them back. He learned that I was quite upset about it since I haven't seen him for a while (we're LD). Then today he told me he had to leave early from our V-day plans because it's his brother's birthday and I spazzed out. Which was stupid. Now I feel dumb and pretty bad because I was saying mean things,and it's his brother's birthday. It really shouldn't matter if he leaves a few hours earlier to spend time with his brother.

Think about the situation before you respond to your FI like I did and then feel all terrible. Maybe it's important that he spends time with his mom and you two can just do your thing later.

lilalilabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:228260b9-12ef-4e32-9a56-a761e3f1b37b">Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Found out a couple days ago that my BF's mom will be staying with us on valentine's day. This is because he is driving her to a town 3 hours away so she'll make it to her court date/trial. What a wonderful way to spend the day! Oh, and he's taking her out to dinner. <strong>Why? Because she just got out of jail last week (had been there since September of last year) & he wants to take her out</strong>. Which is sweet, but on valentine's day? Anyone else having a messed up v-day?
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE


and this is why you are not engaged yet and with that selfishness I doubt you will ever be. Spoiled Brat!

jilld82

Try not to have many expectations on the day.  I already picked out the necklace from Tiffanys that I am getting and it's sitting in Fi's desk until Monday.  Then I am going to cook for him, perhaps throw on some slutty little lingerie while cooking.  I got him these mugs from two and a half men show.  The night will be finished on the couch watching the newest episode of the bachelor.  It's all planned out, we know the expectations so there aren't any let downs.  I am really good at tutoring fi when it comes to getting me presents. 

PaigeMcC

You sound like a brat.  He wants to see his mother and you have no plans.  You two can spend time together before, after or during his time with mom.  There is no reason for you to be acting so childish.  Grow up.

Blue & White

Your bf's gonna have a great time waiting for 2+ hours for a table on v-day. 

I'd be happy I wasn't his date for the day, frankly.  I hate waiting that long.

kayely88

If you don't have any plans and you don't really celebrate V-Day anyway then what's the problem? Let him spend time with his mom and take her out. 

But if it bugs you that much then just talk to him about it and then maybe you guys could celebrate on another day. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:8a3f0806-56be-44ca-9ef6-99d0d5f48900">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well we don't really do anything for valentine's</strong> either since our anniversary is this month also, but it's always nice to have the option. And no, I'm not making enemies with his mom! <strong>I just think it's a little weird that he picks that day.
</strong>Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

If neither of you make a fuss about V-day, then it seems logical to me that he would treat the 14th as "just another day" and spend time with his mom instead.

How is it messed up if you didn't have plans? Is it because he's spending it with someone else instead of his GF? A lot of girls don't even SEE their SOs on V-Day. In fact, I'll be spending my entire V-Day at school doing homework, and then coming back home to see my family for a bit before I sleep. That's just how it is. Just go with it and don't make a fuss, because Paige is right you do <u>sound</u> like a brat.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:228260b9-12ef-4e32-9a56-a761e3f1b37b">Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Found out a couple days ago that my BF's mom will be staying with us on valentine's day. This is because he is driving her to a town 3 hours away so she'll make it to her court date/trial. What a wonderful way to spend the day! Oh, and he's taking her out to dinner. Why? Because she just got out of jail last week (had been there since September of last year) & he wants to take her out. Which is sweet, but on valentine's day? Anyone else having a messed up v-day?
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

Well, it doesn't sound like he CHOSE that day - it sounds like that's the day her trial is scheduled, so he's making the most of the time with his Mom.  If it bothers you so much, then ask him if you guys can designate a day to celebrate together.  The bonus is that any day except Valentines Day is likely to be less crowded and expensive.

mellimel19

I'm with Audgie. If you don't do anything for Vday anyway, then your vday isn't messed up by him spending it with his mom. Maybe this would be a good opportunity for you to spend some time with her as well. You can always do something vday related the day before or after.

We have a houseguest staying with us, so we won't be having romantic alone time on vday either. I've decided to make a nice Valentine's dinner and a yummy heart shaped red velvet cake anyway, and it will just be a fun dinner amongst friends. Our houseguest will be leaving the day after Valentine's day, so I'll plan for a romantic evening that night. Vday is just a made up holiday, it's spirit can be celebrated any day of the year!

jeanacorina

Why is it weird he picks that day if you guys don't really do anything and didn't have plans? It's just another Monday, right?

Geez, simmer down. You're being unreasonable and selfish. It's his MOM. My dad used to buy my sister and I chocolates for Valentine's day. One year my brother gave my mom flowers. I dunno if my family is just weird, but we never treated it as STRICTLY for romance. It's a day to show people you love them. It's just a nice day.

I don't get it.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:210c928e-8c22-466e-bcb9-95b860cc8d3b">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is it weird he picks that day if you guys don't really do anything and didn't have plans? It's just another Monday, right? Geez, simmer down. You're being unreasonable and selfish. It's his MOM. <strong>My dad used to buy my sister and I chocolates for Valentine's day. One year my brother gave my mom flowers. I dunno if my family is just weird, but we never treated it as STRICTLY for romance. It's a day to show people you love them. It's just a nice day</strong>. I don't get it.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Not just you, Jeana. My papa does this as well. He brings my sister and I a card, and either chocolate or flowers.

rozANDbenSINCE2001

Two cents:

My dad's birthday is Feb. 13th, and my bf and I have been together for 10 years without ever having really celebrated a V-Day specifically for this reason. We never wanted to steal my dad's "thunder" and we celebrate our love (gross, i know) every other day of the year so it really is no big deal. We usually do something kinda special (restaurant, movie, comedy show, etc.) the weekend before of after and call it a day. Valentine's Day (and  Sweetest Day, for that matter) has become a really sad, commercialized day that kinda forces people to express gratitude for their SO that they really should be doing on a daily basis anyway. 

Again, just my two cents.

MLekathLEEN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:3ee70689-f363-4b6d-85c3-aed2c93813ee">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Two cents: My dad's birthday is Feb. 13th, and my bf and I have been together for 10 years without ever having really celebrated a V-Day specifically for this reason. We never wanted to steal my dad's "thunder" and<strong> we celebrate our love ( gross, i know) every other day of the year so it really is no big deal</strong>. We usually do something kinda special (restaurant, movie, comedy show, etc.) the weekend before of after and call it a day. Valentine's Day (and  Sweetest Day, for that matter) has become a really sad, commercialized day that kinda forces people to express gratitude for their SO that they really should be doing on a daily basis anyway.  Again, just my two cents.
Posted by rozANDbenSINCE2001[/QUOTE]

THIS. What does it matter that you can't celebrate your love on one day? There are 364 other equally long days you can celebrate on...unless you live in Alaska, I don't know how that works though.

jemmini6

FI's grandma died last week and her funeral is tomorrow.  How selfish of her to ruin our Valentine's Day by dying??  Seriously? it's him mom, you didn't have anything planned anyways...what's the problem?  Your Valetine's Day isn't 'ruined'....family should always come before a stupid commercialized holiday and you should be glad that your FI is willing to do that for his mom even though she has issues (being in jail).  Goes to show that he just might love you despite your flaws too.

Heather2256

Ok.... Yeah, we ended up going out last night. And while we were out, he said he had realized earlier or the other day or something that he had said he was taking his mom out on V-day. HE thought it was weird once he made the connection. I told him I had thought the same thing but kept my mouth shut. He told me he wishes I would have mentioned it because I'm suppose to mention things like that and help him avoid any embarrasment or anything. Said his mom would have probably looked like a cougar if he would have taken her out. I suggested that he take her out tuesday/tomorrow instead since they'll have time. He loved the idea. He also said we'll just order pizza today while his mom's here.

So, yeah...... looks like all those lovely, snarky, *insert other descriptive words here* responses were unnecessary. For a place that a girl suppose to come for advice....I could get the same crap from his family if I really wanted to feel hated & below others.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:74975e02-0940-4955-a793-7cf2d03d7820">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok.... Yeah, we ended up going out last night. And while we were out, he said he had realized earlier or the other day or something that he had said he was taking his mom out on V-day. HE thought it was weird once he made the connection. I told him I had thought the same thing but kept my mouth shut. He told me he wishes I would have mentioned it because I'm suppose to mention things like that and help him avoid any embarrasment or anything. Said his mom would have probably looked like a cougar if he would have taken her out. I suggested that he take her out tuesday/tomorrow instead since they'll have time. He loved the idea. He also said we'll just order pizza today while his mom's here. <strong>So, yeah...... looks like all those lovely, snarky, *insert other descriptive words here* responses were unnecessary. For a place that a girl suppose to come for advice....I could get the same crap from his family if I really wanted to feel hated & below others.</strong>
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Random advice solicited from internet strangers will generally be honest.  Sometimes snarky.  If you don't like the way the advice is delivered I suggest you go to some other board (wedding bee...?) where they'll blow rainbows up your butt.  We don't roll that way.

</div>

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:74975e02-0940-4955-a793-7cf2d03d7820">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok.... Yeah, we ended up going out last night. And while we were out, he said he had realized earlier or the other day or something that he had said he was taking his mom out on V-day. HE thought it was weird once he made the connection. I told him I had thought the same thing but kept my mouth shut. He told me he wishes I would have mentioned it because I'm suppose to mention things like that and help him avoid any embarrasment or anything. Said his mom would have probably looked like a cougar if he would have taken her out. I suggested that he take her out tuesday/tomorrow instead since they'll have time. He loved the idea. He also said we'll just order pizza today while his mom's here. So, yeah...... looks like all those lovely, snarky, *insert other descriptive words here* responses were unnecessary. For a place that a girl suppose to come for advice....I could get the same crap from his family if I really wanted to feel hated & below others.
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

Except that ISN'T what you came here to post about. You didn't say "I'm afraid it will be embarrasing for them since she may look like a cougar." YOU came to whine about how he isn't spending it with you. Those are two totally different things.

marleylikeair

I can't help but think that if a reg had posted about being bummed/weirded out that her SO was taking his mom out on Valentine's Day instead of her, the reg would have gotten nicer, if still honest, responses.

calindi

Marley - YGPM.

OP, glad to hear you guys worked it out!  As I said before, I didn't think he planned it intentionally.  And since you're sharing his attention today with his Mom, perhaps you guys can do a date night this weekend to make up for it?

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:b434b4a4-ef3a-4253-8dcb-e88fe00d9ad1">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't help but think that if a reg had posted about being bummed/weirded out that her SO was taking his mom out on Valentine's Day instead of her, the reg would have gotten nicer, if still honest, responses.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

I think some posters may have thought through what they said more, but there are others that I don't think it would matter who was the author of this post.

Heather2256

marleylikeair - thank you. I do agree. And I do think this will be the last post from me on this website.

calindi - nice idea. But since we went out last night, I don't think I could afford another night out!!! haha. Especially since our anniversary is in a couple wks & we'll be going out again to celebrate.

And yes, I did find another website/forum. And even though they are very honest, they do not blow rainbows up my butt & definately don't go around calling others various names or putting them down because they're not engaged!!

I really hope theknot knows that those on these forums are driving people away from their website. Goodbye & good luck to all those girls who are not yet engaged.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:cef0b50f-e31f-4309-af6a-43af389b5d1c">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]marleylikeair - thank you. I do agree. And I do think this will be the last post from me on this website. calindi - nice idea. But since we went out last night, I don't think I could afford another night out!!! haha. Especially since our anniversary is in a couple wks & we'll be going out again to celebrate. And yes, I did find another website/forum. And even though they are very honest, they do not blow rainbows up my butt & <strong>definately don't go around calling others various names or putting them down because they're not engaged!!</strong> I really hope theknot knows that those on these forums are driving people away from their website. Goodbye & good luck to all those girls who are not yet engaged.
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

Clarification: nobody called you names for not being engaged. In fact, I didn't see anyone call you a name at all.

marleylikeair

Cate, YGPM back.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_messed-up-v-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cc2e8e-a57b-4634-a006-ec337846eb54Post:cef0b50f-e31f-4309-af6a-43af389b5d1c">Re: Messed-Up V-Day</a>:
[QUOTE]marleylikeair - thank you. I do agree. And I do think this will be the last post from me on this website. calindi - nice idea. But since we went out last night, I don't think I could afford another night out!!! haha. Especially since our anniversary is in a couple wks & we'll be going out again to celebrate. And yes, I did find another website/forum. And even though they are very honest, they do not blow rainbows up my butt & definately don't go around calling others various names or putting them down because they're not engaged!! I really hope theknot knows that those on these forums are driving people away from their website. Goodbye & good luck to all those girls who are not yet engaged.
Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

<div>Didn't see anyone call you any names and we would NEVER put someone down for not being engaged, or for being engaged, that's just silly.  You came on here whining and asking for advice.  You got it.  Sorry that you didn't like it but I think you took it too personally.  Best of luck on your new site.</div>