(plus--bonus-- promise not to get snippy about anyone's input.
I've learned my lesson; I'm a reformed bride-to-be.. sorry for going crazy on the board before. :P)
So.. I want to re-introduce myself.. With details relevant to the kinds of situations and questions I'll be asking about..
I'm a second-time bride. I was married the first time, very young (only 19), and did not recognize the signs of severe emotional abuse until a couple of years of therapy after divorce. I have one son, from that marriage. He's preschool age.
As I've said in a previous post, I consider myself not-officially-engaged because my BF and I are not "public" about it, there's no ring on my finger, etc. That being said, my parents and a few siblings do know, and he's aware of that. He has asked the question "will you marry me?".. many times, actually, and I have said, "yes." He and I have been dating just over a year, which has scared me because of how fast it seemed. (You could say I have slight committment/trust issues from my first marriage.. not too serious, but it makes me think of things I never used to.) I think we both knew after the first 3 or 4 months that we'd eventually be married, but have forced ourselves to pace things, and take it "slow".
He is also divorced, and has a daughter a couple years older than my son. My son and his daughter absolutely adore each other, which makes things very easy. We love spending time together. It sounds simple enough, but the issue is that I am still in the midst of an insane custody battle with my ex. We finalized our divorce years ago, but left custody open-ended in "temporary" status. It's been the most difficult experience of my life. My ex, I have now learned/realized, is a text-book emotional abuser and bully. The problem is that he wants revenge for me leaving him, which has played out in custody issues. Unfortunately for me, he really wants to take my son away from me completely, is very good at schmoozing people, and currently has all of his family behind him..
This leads to my issue.. I guess it's a vent, but if anyone has input, I'm open to new perspectives.
Edited out some details for privacy.. but basically, getting a lot of pressure from family, and even attorney-- to just get married already... like, soon. The state I'm in, it's apparently considered bad to introduce my son to the possibility of a "serious relationship" until I'm within 2-3 months of getting married.. the state I live in is very much one that encourages quick marriages.. largely based on archaic religious ideals of no sex before marriage. A lot of the policy in the state is based around that ideal. My mom keeps asking why we don't just get married already, attorney says it makes the custody case so much easier if I'm just remarried already, instead of having a BF/fiance.
I just feel like I don't want to rush the wedding part of things because of stupid policies about hurrying to get married.. but feel so much external pressure for that. I like the idea of taking the time to get custody stuff
done, and then spending time enjoying the planning process of a wedding with BF.
BF has said he's open to considering the justice of the peace type marriage, and doing a reception later, though it's not his preference.. but it's not mine either. Am I crazy? Or should I "just get married already"?