Did your S/O...?

KS2011RS

Guess this is the right board to post on.

Anyways, im new here and recently engaged. My good friend is sort of in that "he is going to propose any day now" place-she and her BF decided a long time ago on their timeframe. They agreed on their engagement/wedding timeframe and he said he would propose around February/March. That was set in stone- to answer the questions he makes great money, they are in a good place, yadda yadda.

They are going on a trip in a few weeks and she has been thinking he would pop the question during the trip. Then yesterday out of the blue he tells her he wants to push back the proposal "a few months". He cited that rings are expensive and he wants to make sure he has his ducks in a row. Huh? I guess in the grand scheme not a HUGE deal but its not what they agreed upon.

My thought is he is attempting to throw her off since the trip would be the obvious time for him to propose. She is now going insane worrying if he is trying to throw her off or is really suddenly throwing the plan off schedule.

Guess my question is, (since she is not a knottie, yet)- Did any of your FI's or significant others try to make you think they were NOT proposing before they ultimately did? (And sorry this is super long!)

[Deleted User]

Though there are some gals on here that have recently gotten engaged or are married, this is a not engaged yetboard...so most of us cannot answer your question on here. I would guess that many guys do try to "throw off" their SO if they want their proposal to be a surprise. Best thing for your friend to do is relax and let it happen when it happens. The more she tries to figure out his plan, the less fun the actual moment will be.

Blue & White

I doubt this will happen to me.  For one, I'm never going to know he's proposing in "Feb/Mar" because that's way too specific for my boyfriend.

My best advice for your friend is to chill out.  Her relationship is just as good while she's not engaged yet as it will be when she's engaged.  She's probably happy for your engagement which is making her want hers too - that's probably relatively normal.  However, she's going to make herself sick over something as silly as what month her boyfriend proposes in.  At least if he waits a few months, your weddings might be more than 3 weeks apart  

And tell her she can come visit us anytime as long as she likes cheese and mashed potatoes (we may grant exceptions, but ya know)

Elle1036

If his is just trying to throw her off, I think that's kinda crappy of him.  It would be one thing to drop a few false hints, but going back on something they agreed upon is not a laughing matter, at least not to me.

I'm conflicted here:  part of me wants to tell your friend to just settle down and enjoy her trip and not think about the proposal too much, but the other part of me is a little irritated at her BF and wants her to dig a little deeper to make sure he's not having second thoughts about the relationship or anything.

Hmmm...  I'm obviously very helpful.

For what it's worth, my fiance didn't try to trick me into not expecting it.

calindi

Yeah, I'd say your friend should probably just try and relax and enjoy the ride.  I'd think there would be justification to be worried if he said he wanted to put it off because he wasn't ready or wasn't sure they were at that point yet, but the way it is, he could be trying to keep her from getting her hopes up when he truly wants to save a few more months, or he could be trying to throw her off so she doesn't expect it.

Best to go with trying not to expect it so she's not disappointed if it doesn't happen on the trip.  Sounds like it'll happen soon!

KS2011RS

Thanks!

Ps- Everyone loves cheese and mashed potatoes. Its the American Way.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4adcfd3-dba0-45b8-8354-88a576a1b93aPost:cdd49b64-47d2-4050-91d7-25df2426ebd2">Re: Did your S/O...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! Ps- Everyone loves cheese and mashed potatoes. Its the American Way.
Posted by KS2011RS[/QUOTE]

This is going to elicit some angry "eh's".  Or is it "aye"?

AudgiePodge

If she expecting it so much, she is going to be very disappointed.  Tell her to enjoy the relationship in it's current state.  Yes, it is fun to dream about the future, but it's not fun to be obsessed with it.

To answer your question, no, he didn't.  He told me a few months in advance when he was going to propose. I didn't get wrapped up in it and think about it constantly, I just let it happen.

skyler1108

FI and I did not have an agreed upon time frame. I did however know that he had bought the ring as he was dropping pretty obvious hints like crazy. Since I was 99% sure that he had the ring I guessed that he would most likely propose on either our anniversary, my birthday or Christmas since they are all only a few weeks apart.

He proposed on our anniversary but the night that he proposed he was trying to throw me off and I'm not going to lie it worked. I thought that he wouldn't propose that night as it would be the most obvious choice and because of what he was telling me. In reality he just wanted it to be more of a surprise.

Tell your friend to just let things go as they will other wise she will just drive herself crazy.

Beads921

If he's trying to throw her off, it's a pretty crappy way to do it. I'd be pissed if BF ever did something like that. That said, I think such a rigid time frame is kind of tough. I think it's probably just time for her to relax. She'll ruin her vacation if she's thinking about it the whole time and it doesn't happen.

desertsun

I think the best advice to give your friend is to go with her gut.

Does she really, honestly think he has changed his mind about marrying her? What other behavior does she have to back that theory up? if it seems like this is a possibility, or if she really just needs some reassurance, she should be able to talk to him about that.

If he still acts like he's planning on a future with her and treats her the way she wants to be treated, then she needs to just be patient and enjoy the anticipation.

ETA: And no, my H did not do anything to throw me off, other than saying when he asked for my ring size that he wanted to have it for when he needed it. He proposed like 4 days later.

niknik15

Maybe he has decided to design the ring or something like that which takes extra time that he wasn't expecting. Maybe the ring wouldn't be ready in time for the said time frame so he is trying to push it back for that reason without going into any details?

loves2shop4shoes

I think she just needs to relax.  If another 6 months go by and nothing happens, she can have another timeline discussion with him, but having a tantrum complete with a footstomp will hardly get her anywhere.

To answer your question, I think FI knew that I had SERIOUS suspicions that he would be proposing the weekend he did.  I was smiling ALL THE TIME.  He didn't try to cover it up.  He just smiled back.

jemmini6

In a sense...yes, FI did try to throw me off.  He proposed in Hawaii and when we announced our trip, literally everyone thought he would propose there.  He kept assuring me that he wouldn't because it was 'too cliche' and that he wanted to wait a while to buy my ring because he had just paid for the trip and LASIK.  To be fair though, I didn't really expect he would propose in Hawaii anyways (our 2 year anniversary was a few months later, which is when I thought he would propose).  It worked though, I was completely surprised.

As far as sanity goes, your friend should let it go and just enjoy the time they have together.  She knows a proposal is coming soon, so that's more than enough to keep you excited.  However, if she gets herself thinking "oh...he's just throwing me off" and then he was actually telling the truth about waiting, she is just setting herself up to be disappointed.

Edit: FI hadn't planned on proposing in Hawaii when we booked the trip either.  In fact, he didn't decide to do so until about 3 weeks before we left.  That's when my friends/family/boss kept trying to convince me that he was going to propose and FI didn't want to ruin the surprise, so that's why he kept telling me he wouldn't.  But I do agree that if they agreed on a specific time period, saying he's pushing it back just to 'throw her off' is a little irritating.

motoLyn

I can't say anything that the previous posters have already mentioned in regards to your friend needing to just take it easy and trying to figure out why her BF is pushing back the engagement period. 

As for me my FI told me he would propose before the end of 2010, he bought the ring in Sept.  totally threw me off because he proposed after we went surfing on a Saturday in October like any other Saturday.  So I was totally not expecting it. 

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4adcfd3-dba0-45b8-8354-88a576a1b93aPost:e914810a-0db4-4823-b2c4-f4e7c69e2ea3">Re: Did your S/O...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think she just needs to relax. <strong> If another 6 months go by and nothing happens, she can have another timeline discussion with him</strong>, but having a tantrum complete with a footstomp will hardly get her anywhere. To answer your question, I think FI knew that I had SERIOUS suspicions that he would be proposing the weekend he did.  I was smiling ALL THE TIME.  He didn't try to cover it up.  He just smiled back.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

This.  There are many reasons to push it back, including making the ring perfect or he has other plans to propose (like warmer weather).  Or he's trying to throw her off. 

I say tell her to relax, know it's coming unless he says he's just not ready then they need to talk about why since he was ready whenever they made the timeline.