Another what do you think...

Hazel_B

Okay, I was inspired by Paige. I'm really curious what others think of this one.

Does anyone watch TLC's Sister Wives? What do people think?

heyimbren

Do you mean on the show or on the premise?

Because I've never seen the show so I can't comment, although I've heard a lot about it.

HeartOverMind

I don't watch the show, but if you are asking what I think of polygamy, then I think it is wrong and sick for a man to "collect" wives. (or for a woman to "collect" husbands)

Personally, I couldn't share BF with anyone. I would have to slap-a-hoe daily. I would probably go to jail or something. That's why open relationships and polygamy are something I would stay far away from.

But that's just my $.02

Edit: I do realize that polygamy is a religious practice...I'm just saying.

Hazel_B

Okay, I guess it is multi tiered.

1. What do you think of polygamy?

2. Have you watched Sister Wives? Is it what you expected a polygamist family to be like?

CASK85

In this case I think that people should be able to do what they want. I don't see how it is hurting anyone, especially since people in those situations tend to gather together so there wouldn't be much taunting or judgement by others (or of their kids by other kids). 

My only concern would be if the women (or men) in the situation weren't 100% on board and felt like they were being pressured or coerced into the situation -- I'm not for one partner dominating the other like that. 

It isn't for me, that is for sure. . . I'd have to "slap a hoe" as HOM said  

ETA: I haven't actually seen the show.

deburnin

I don't watch Sister Wives. I know this has come up before so since I don't want to be redundant I'll leave it as this: As long as it's between consenting and willing adults I see no issues.

heyimbren

Polygamy isn't for me, the same way an open relationship isn't. Personally, I believe that that a marriage (or a relationship) between 3 or 5 people devalues the relationship between the couple. Does that make sense? Let me try to explain:
Bob, Joe and Mary are all in a relationship. I think trying to create a marriage relationship between the three of them, devalues the relationship between Bob and Mary, or Joe and Mary, or Bob and Joe.

That's my honest opinion, but I also don't feel the need to protest against it or anything.

I haven't seen the show, so I can't comment on it.

calindi

I've seen the show... it makes me sad at how the first 3 wives were really struggling with their jealousy when he took a 4th wife.  They justified it as that they were upset that he'd be spending less time with them, as he'd have to spend time with his new wife, but you could tell it wasn't easy for them.

The whole system is something I don't understand in modern society.  It makes more sense in an agrarian society when mortality rates were much higher, especially during childbirth, and it gave more hands on a farm and surrogate mothers if anything happened to one of the wives so that their children could be taken care of by family.

jemmini6

The whole polygamy/Warren Jeffs thing was pretty big news here.  Their particular sect is discusting.  They literally force 14 and 15 year old girls into marriages with 40+ year old men.

However, I have also seen a few episodes of Sister Wives and I think in their practice, it's fine.  They are all adults and all made that decision 100% of their own free will.  I actually think it's impressive that he is able to maintain such a loving relationship with each of his wives when most men can't handle one.  I wouldn't like that lifestyle because I am much too selfish to share my Fi, but I won't judge if that's what they choose.

I personally think that the government needs to keep their noses out of marriage anyways.  From their perspective, a marriage is just a legal contract that grants certain rights and priveledges.  As long as people are of age to enter such contract and do so on their own free will, then there should be no further restrictions than that. 

Hazel_B

Calindi - I feel the same way as you. It was hard to watch the wives struggle when he took on a fourth wife and she had a better wedding and honeymoon than each of them had. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole concept to be honest, but it's fascinating at the same time.

However, from a parenting role. For some reason, I don't know why, I have less of a problem with sister wives than I do with 18 Kids and Counting.

Hazel_B

Jemmini - We also have a big polygamy thing going on in British Columbia. Canadian laws are different than American ones and I think there is a better chance that polygamy could be legally accepted here on constitiutional grounds.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8f35b81-32ee-40a5-946a-e5b193e3c8ffPost:557ffd2b-5457-4c63-a018-2237a7815e49">Re: Another what do you think...</a>:
[QUOTE]Calindi - I feel the same way as you. It was hard to watch the wives struggle when he took on a fourth wife and she had a better wedding and honeymoon than each of them had. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole concept to be honest, but it's fascinating at the same time. However, <strong>from a parenting role. For some reason, I don't know why, I have less of a problem with sister wives than I do with 18 Kids and Counting.</strong>
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

Ditto.  I think it's because on sister wives, the parents are still the parents, whether it's to the child they birthed or not, they are still mothers.

The Duggars rely on the older children to take care of the younger children, which is wrong because they deserve their childhood too.

CASK85

Has anyone read "The Red Tent"? It details the lives of biblical women who were wives of Jacob. The second half of the book is all over the place, but the first part really focuses on the women and their social structure and how they relate to one another and raise their children all together. It is a good read.

Hazel_B

I loved The Red Tent

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8f35b81-32ee-40a5-946a-e5b193e3c8ffPost:f426290c-7e0b-4fdd-832d-98da0720b55a">Re: Another what do you think...</a>:
[QUOTE]Polygamy isn't for me, the same way an open relationship isn't. Personally, I believe that that a marriage (or a relationship) between 3 or 5 people devalues the relationship between the couple. Does that make sense? Let me try to explain: Bob, Joe and Mary are all in a relationship. I think trying to create a marriage relationship between the three of them, devalues the relationship between Bob and Mary, or Joe and Mary, or Bob and Joe. That's my honest opinion, but I also don't feel the need to protest against it or anything. I haven't seen the show, so I can't comment on it.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Bren... this isn't quite what Sister Wives is about.  The women don't have relationships among themselves beyond friendship - it is about a man having multiple wives.  It's almost like 3 separate marriages, that happen to exist under the same house - each wife had essentially her own apartment, but there was common area where they all hung out.  All the children view all the other children as their siblings, regardless of who the Mom is, yet it seems there is still a special bond between the Moms and their biological children - the other Moms are more like live-in aunts to those children. 

purplepeopleeater11

I loved the Red Tent too.

Sister Wives makes me angry.  One episode in particular.  Where he takes the first wife to dinner and she's telling him how she's jealous and he says, "I get that."  She continues on and asks how he would feel if she had other men in her life and he got all emotional and said it broke his heart to even think about it.  He's a hypocrite.  Why is it OK for him but not for her? 

Also, why was he lollygagging around kissing on the new wife when one of his other wives was in labor...after she called to say her water had broken?  Seriously dude...priorities.

I would probably be more accepting of the whole shabang if it was equal.  Men could have other wives, women could have other husbands.  I don't know how that'd work logistically though.

As for marriage as a whole, the government should stay out of it all together.  If two or more people (regardless of sex) wish to enter into a consensual contract of marriage they should be allowed to.

EDIT: I don't like the show, BF watches it so if he controls the remote and it's on we watch it.

Blue & White

I don't watch, but I intend to only be married to one man at a time (hopefully one man EVER, but ya know...)

There was just a grandma here (in VA) that was prosecuted for bigamy and had like 10 husbands to collect their money.  Apparently multiple at a time.

I also don't think it's "okay" to "date" until after your divorce is final, which can be a sketchy area in some relationships that fall out, but that's how it is in my book.

That being said, I haven't seen the show.  But I'd be REALLY bad at sharing my husband (someday) with someone else.  I'm bad enough at sharing my parents with 3 siblings

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8f35b81-32ee-40a5-946a-e5b193e3c8ffPost:b78c0642-f7ee-4e28-be0d-a3371f5da210">Re: Another what do you think...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another what do you think... : Bren... this isn't quite what Sister Wives is about.  The women don't have relationships among themselves beyond friendship - it is about a man having multiple wives.  It's almost like 3 separate marriages, that happen to exist under the same house - each wife had essentially her own apartment, but there was common area where they all hung out.  All the children view all the other children as their siblings, regardless of who the Mom is, yet it seems there is still a special bond between the Moms and their biological children - the other Moms are more like live-in aunts to those children. 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

That's my point exactly. I think that trying to have that same relationship with multiple people at the same time, takes away from it. Like I said, that's my personal opinion and I'm aware many disagree. But the post is about asking for opinions.

EDIT: To clarify my first response, I realize that it ay have sounded that I was implying that they would all have a physical, romantic relationship with each other. That wasn't what I was getting at, I was just trying to cover any combination of a couple possible.

skyler1108

I have never seen the show however I do not agree with the whole idea of having multiple partners. I understand that some people are fine with it but I am not one of those people.

tafft1

I havent watched the show but Polygamy/Polyamory dosent bother me in the slightest. I know several friends locally and otherwise who live in such live such and are perfecttly happy. I have also seen it blow up in their face when one side or both couldn't deal with or accept the emotional complications that come with ANY relationship - however are quite literally doubled or tripled in some ways or cases.

These people are grown adults - and as such have the right to live theirs as they see fit and what makes them happy. Jealousy is a normal human reaction - however I don't feel sad for them, They know what they signed up for. They knew that it would never be just one on one. If they wanted that they could have looked elsewhere - thogh let's face it - we can't necessarily control who we fall in love with. While I can understand the feelings of such involved - it is what it is.

In my relationship it is something me and my husband have discussed - just not on the same level - while he will only ever be married to me - we may or may not bring others into our relationship at some point - and this isn't something we say or will go into lightly ( if ever). I don't see it as "collecting" anything - it's that we believe the in the same things - that is against much of what society deems "appropriate" - that we don't believe humans in general are wired only for monogamy. I can be committed to my husband without being structly monogamous. While 99% of the time we are - neither of us feels the need to close the door on other opportunities we want to explore - and for us our marriage is first and foremost and we disucss everything from the absolutes to the what if's. While I realize that crosses a line for many - in our relationship it is a two way street , it is consensual and is desired by BOTH sides.

My stance is as a general thought - if it isnt affecting you personally - what does it matter if a man and how many other women want to be in a relationship or marriage together ? You don't have to agree with it or like it - and it's all a matter of personal choice. While it can be a religious choice for some , I don't believe it is all about that , but again thats just an opinion I hold. As long as no one is pushing their way of life or beliefs down my throat I could care less what they do.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8f35b81-32ee-40a5-946a-e5b193e3c8ffPost:92244d48-9995-4d67-8c51-88344bede110">Re: Another what do you think...</a>:
[QUOTE]My stance is as a general thought - if it isnt affecting you personally - what does it matter if a man and how many other women want to be in a relationship or marriage together ? You don't have to agree with it or like it - and it's all a matter of personal choice. While it can be a religious choice for some , I don't believe it is all about that , but again thats just an opinion I hold. As long as no one is pushing their way of life or beliefs down my throat I could care less what they do.
Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

That's part of my point too. I personally don't agree with it, but at the same time, that's my opinion and my choice. I believe I'm allowed to politely express that if asked, but I also don't feel the need to protest against it or rudely argue against it.I think that's a very good point, Tafft.

[Deleted User]

I do watch the show.  It's not at all what I thought it would be.  This family certainly isn't like the "cult" families where the women are pretty much thought of lesser beings and baby makers.  I'm like some others have said, though, I do feel bad for the 1st 3 wives, they really seem to be struggling with the jealousy and I really can't blame them, he doesn't seem to be fair in all aspects.  Personally, I couldn't be in a plural marriage, I want my man all to myself.

PaigeMcC

I've watched it.  They're pretty much what I expected.  The jealousy doesn't surprise me but I do feel bad for both sides in it.

It's not for me.  But if someone else wants to do it and they aren't hurting anyone then it's not my business.  Live your love life how you see fit, don't hurt anyone and be good to your kids.  The end.

SeaTea02

I am all for consenting adults doing whatever they want. I do not think the government should recognize marriage for more than one partner. This can lead to abuse of marriage privileges like health insurance coverage etc.

I also think it is disgusting when Mormons force young girls into marriage and it is rightly regulated.

I find Sister Wives, Big Love, and polygamy in general fascinating to watch. I would never ever do it, but I am intrigued by the lifestyle. I am that way about all lifestyles I know I will never have like military life, Amish, etc.