Age

calindi

Having a birthday has made me a little nostalgic and contemplative...

When I was 7, I was told that I didn't have to get any more immunization shots until I turned 11.  I remember thinking, "Oh, that's FOREVER!"  I was shocked when I needed more shots - it was like I expected time to stand still!

When I was 12, I remember how slowly the weeks passed before any major event.  Christmas took ages, and the end of school was just torture - those last two weeks felt as long as the whole rest of the year!

When I was 15, I remember how slow that year went while I waited to turn 16 so I could drive a car.  Probably the slowest year of my life.

When I was 16, dating a 20 year old seemed absolutely shocking and scandelous.  I felt like he was MUCH older.  BF and I have a similar age difference, but I never think that he's older.

When I was 21 and heard that one of my friends (same age) was getting married, I felt like she was playing grown-up like little kids play house.  They let people our age get married already?!  I felt way too young to get married!

A lot of my friends have turned 25 recently, and it seems all their FB messages are about how they have to start lying about their age now, how it's the downward spiral to 30 after this, blah blah blah.  That's not how I feel at all!  But it's so weird to realize that most of the pro-athletes and actors are starting to be younger than me now.  The years pass quicker, the weeks fly by quicker.

Anyone else have any musings on age?  Do you feel your age?  How should your age feel?

bethsmiles

I'm only 20 but high school feels as if it were forever ago, until I get together with my two BFFs from high school and then its like we are all 16 again.

I never thought I would be talking about getting married at the age of 20. I always said I would be like 28 before I got married...haha so much for that.

When I was 7 and until I was 14 I spent one week at summer camp every summer. I loved that camp and my best childhood memories are there. If I could go back in time I would go to those weeks.

CASK85

I'm 25 now, and will be 26 in 2 months. 

There are days when I look around and think "hey, I'm a grown up, that is cool. I have this nice apartment and a great BF and stability and independence." Then other times I look around and am like "I'm still in school, I don't have a real job (though I do get paid to go to school), I'm disorganized and have trouble keeping myself in order. . . how do people I know have kids when I can barely take care of myself?" That last one might be an over exaggeration.

So yeah. I go back and forth between the two. Sometimes I feel old -and sometimes when I think about how old 25 seemed to me when I was 18, it makes me laugh. I think that I always felt like at 25 I'd be all set, but I still have so much more to do before I'll really feel truly "grown up." 

JMM4208

I'm 23 and high school seems like it was 10 years ago. I can't help but thinking that I've almost used up all the major milestones in my life. Once I graduate college all I have left is to get married and once thats done the next milestone is death. Its a little depressing that all the exciting events are almost accomplished.

Wrkn925

I have time for a short answer.  I'm covering for someone on vacation this week, and I've been MIA because her job requires A LOT of attention and totally kills my surfing time.

So, Hi!


When I turned 25, I came to a shocking realization that I've been wrong A LOT.  Many of the beliefs and ideas that I had were completely wrong.
I can accept that, but the hard part to swallow is that I still feel young enough to know that many mistakes and wrongs are still to come.
Turning 25 was a humbling experience for me.  I can't blame things on being 'young and dumb' anymore.

Remember when you were little and you'd look at someone and say, "That's an adult", that's me now.  HOLY COW, I'm a quarter of a century old!
My 12yo sister refuses to listen to me, because I'm an adult, and I think, "It's not been that long since I was her age, why doesn't she listen to me?"
   


So, scratch the idea of a short answer.  I hope this makes as much sense typed as it does in my head.

P&R!

Ember01

I turned 30 this year... I dreaded it! 30 was always my scary "I haven't accomplished anything in my life" age. I thought I'd be married with kids and dream job by now. Instead 30 came and went and I am still in school, wasn't engaged, and had no kids. I started thinking about it and I could have been married (probably with kids) if I hadn't broken off an engagement 5 years ago. But, I realize how much my life has changed for the better since then. So, I don't have my dream job yet, or kids, or a marriage. But I do own a home all by myself, and I think that is something to be proud of. I'm able to pay my bills and I have food in my belly. I decided to start looking at all the positives instead of all the negatives.

jemmini6

I was just talking about this with FI.  We were saying how Christmas seemed to come out of nowhere this year, but I remember when I was little that it seemed like it took FOREVER to get here.

Same thing with driving, graduating high school, turning 21, etc.  Now that all the major age milestones have been reached, it seems like time is just flying.

As for how I feel age-wise, I've always felt older than all my friends because I've always had more responsibility.  I've paid 100% of my own bills since I was 16, including college and now I'm the only one with a full-time job, a house, wedding planning, etc.  Sometimes I think, wow...I'm too young to have all this, but I wouldn't change it.  I love being able to say I'm a responsible and independent ADULT.  (I wouldn't even think about getting married yet if I couldn't boast that).

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:04f695ce-4e9d-4fe3-9856-851b84b0a6c8">Age</a>:
[QUOTE]When I was 21 and heard that one of my friends (same age) was getting married, I felt like she was playing grown-up like little kids play house.  They let people our age get married already?!  I felt way too young to get married! A lot of my friends have turned 25 recently, and it seems all their FB messages are about how they have to start lying about their age now, how it's the downward spiral to 30 after this, blah blah blah.  That's not how I feel at all!  But it's so weird to realize that most of the pro-athletes and actors are starting to be younger than me now.  The years pass quicker, the weeks fly by quicker. Anyone else have any musings on age?  Do you feel your age?  How should your age feel?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Totally agree! I'm 26 and only in the last couple of years have I felt like an adult. I have that same feeling of being older than actors and pro athletes--it's weird and scary!
</div><div>
</div><div>My feeling of adulthood came when I finally stood up to my emotionally abusive mother and stopped taking her bait (and her money). I can't wait until my younger siblings do the same. It's such a wonderful feeling to make life decisions for myself and not based on what I think my parents and grandparents want me to do.</div>

[Deleted User]

There are definitely times that I feel my age (like when I spot a new white hair), but planning a wedding has certainly made me feel a lot younger.  FI & I neither one really look our ages (I'm 36, he's 42).  It was funny a few weeks ago we met another couple and started talking with them - we discovered they were only about 5 years older than FI - when we left, we both looked at other and commented that the couple looked more like 10-15 years older than us.

I agree with what a lot of others have said, time seems to go by a lot faster now.  You still anticipate things, but the hurry up I'm too excited to wait wears off as you grow older.

GreenPepperBurger

When one of my best friend turned 20 last January, she was really upset. "It's 20, then 30, then 40, and then death!" Literally, she said that.

I was a little freaked out about turning 20 because for years I had teen at the end of my age, and even though I had legally been an adult for two years, being 20 felt like I really WAS an adult and could be taken more seriously. Even as I'm typing this, in my head, I'm going "wow...I'm 20..."

When I was younger, I wanted to get married at 22. I even wanted to get engaged to BF at 18 (thank God I was talked out of that). I'm turning 21 in five months (from today, actually) and I can't even think about marriage right now. I definitely want BF and I to have our degrees and be settled in our careers before we get married.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:ce1239f5-479c-4e36-8236-16d4cb2ba5f0">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 23 and high school seems like it was 10 years ago. I can't help but thinking that I've almost used up all the major milestones in my life. Once I graduate college all I have left is to get married and once thats done the next milestone is death. Its a little depressing that all the exciting events are almost accomplished.
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I feel like I should postpone getting married. Because other than that and buying a house, what big thing do I have to look forward to?

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:6cb32149-b5fc-4788-b5aa-0c06fa9266b2">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age : Sometimes I feel like I should postpone getting married. Because other than that and buying a house, what big thing do I have to look forward to?
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]
Buying a car? Turning 40? Kids? But you don't want any, right? <div>
</div><div>See, if you have kids you get to live vicariously through all those milestones again. . . </div>

PaigeMcC

FBD and I were musing about ages on the drive home today.  I feel like I've done so much in my *almost* 25 years...but at the same time I feel like I've done nothing.  I don't feel like I'm a grown up...but then there are times that I'm like "WTF!?! When did I become an adult?!"  It's so weird.  And I can look back on all my stupidity as a teenager and laugh.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:ce1239f5-479c-4e36-8236-16d4cb2ba5f0">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 23 and high school seems like it was 10 years ago. I can't help but thinking that I've almost used up all the major milestones in my life. Once I graduate college all I have left is to get married and once thats done the next milestone is death. Its a little depressing that all the exciting events are almost accomplished.
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

That's kind of a sad way to look at life.  The next milestone after marriage is death?

What about the milestone of graduating from grad school (if that's in your plans)?  Or having kids?  Or turning 50 years old?  Or your 10th, 25th, and 50th wedding anniversaries?  What about becoming a grandparent?

I look forward to all those milestones still (in addition to getting married someday) and then I look forward to celebrating all the milestones in my children's lives.

One of my grandmothers has fought aging kicking and screaming (and with several hundred thousand dollars of plastic surgery).  My other grandmother has aged incredibly gracefully, and is never ashamed of her age or the changes to her face/body (though she complains about hot flashes - who wouldn't?!).  I asked her once for her secret and she smiled and said, "If you are happy with how you spent your year, why regret another birthday?  I'm proud of my 65 years because I've earned each one.  There was the year I married your grandfather, there was the year I gave birth to my first child, somewhere in there I had 8 grandchildren come into this world, and I have fabulous memories with friends and family. I've lived a good, happy life.  Why pretend those years didn't happen by lying about my age?  These wrinkles were earned through hours of laughing and crying.  It's what life is about.  I wear these wrinkles with pride."

That truly inspires me!  She and my grandfather are also one of the happiest couples I've ever seen.  This grandma had heart surgery today (I didn't say anything because I was too nervous about the whole thing, but she's resting comfortably now and it went well) and my Mom drove up to be with my grandfather since he was a nervous wreck.

StarGazingHiker

Cate- your grandma is such an inspiration. She sounds a lot like mine! I love hearing words of wisdom from her! I'm glad to hear that her heart surgery went well!

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:3cacaff9-e7cb-49ad-bad7-ae817f111746">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age : Buying a car? Turning 40? Kids? But you don't want any, right?  See, if you have kids you get to live vicariously through all those milestones again. . . 
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

I know its kinda sad to look at it that way but I do not want kids ever, and buying a house isn't in my plans because I don't want to be tied down to one place. 30 is frightening to me, and BF picks on me all the time for it. Anniversary's and new cars would be cool things but they aren't huge things to me like graduations and marriage.

Edit:
Sorry for being a debbie downer lately, the holiday's are going to be total hell this year, I'll try to be more optimistic.

becunning2

I love your grandmother Cate.  She's awesome!

My goal is to age gracefully and accept it... as long as I keep my hair!   But in all seriousness, I'm 27, and I have friends who are already saying that they're celebrating the anniversary of their 29th birthday.  I don't want to be afraid to say that I'm 30 when I am (and I don't expect that I will be).  Or for that matter, 60.  My physical age has nothing to do with the quality of life that I've lived, only the chronology.

leia1979

I totally understand JMM. I was talking to one of FI's friends who's in her early or mid 30s and has two kids. She said, "I'm married, have a house, and a career. Now it's just all about the kids."

Sure, there are lots of good things to look forward to (like traveling to new places), but there is that feeling that one has accomplished all the "big" things.

But GPB's friend who said "20 then 30 then 40 then death" will definitely change her mind in a few years. I don't think 30 felt any different than 25. Except at 30 I had my own place and a lot more disposable income.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:b6ea8c21-7e51-4fc6-95cb-d1f83b800d2d">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think 30 felt any different than 25. Except at 30 I had my own place and a lot more disposable income.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

Gosh, I'm so looking forward to being a DINK (dual-income, no kids) so we'll be able to put some money in savings!  By the time he's 30, that should be a reality.  Thank goodness!

bethsmiles

I've never understood why people don't want to admit they are over 30. Maybe its because I'm only 20 but 30 doesn't even seem old. Besides it seems like you should celebrate that you are older and have gained new experiences

leia1979

I don't think anyone said people have nothing to look forward to after 25. Some people change more than others. I don't think I'm much different at 31 than I was at 25. Sure, I've bought my own car and moved out of my parents' house since then, and while those are huge changes, I don't think I'm really that different.

All I was trying to say is that there are certain events that we consider large milestones, and since I don't want kids, I've gone through a good portion of them already. It doesn't mean I won't still do cool stuff, they're just not the rites of passage.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:044cb34b-a1dd-4a3b-973f-a110ef8e485d">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think anyone said people have nothing to look forward to after 25. Some people change more than others. I don't think I'm much different at 31 than I was at 25. Sure, I've bought my own car and moved out of my parents' house since then, and while those are huge changes, I don't think I'm really that different. <strong>All I was trying to say is that there are certain events that we consider large milestones, and since I don't want kids, I've gone through a good portion of them already. It doesn't mean I won't still do cool stuff, they're just not the rites of passage.</strong>
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

This is what I was about to say but you hit the nail on the head @Leia

 

calindi

Whereyat, I get your point, and I think it's similar to 13-year-olds feeling like they're so much older because they're a "teen" now.  Age is a number - sure, extra years can help bring maturity and experience and confidence, but it's not necessarily the same thing. It's great you've accomplished so much and gotten to such a stable place, but some of your statements imply that someone can't possibly be comfortable and successful before they're 30.  At 25-years-old, I have lived in China and Spain, I have traveled to more than 20 countries (most of them solo), I own my own car, I have no debt, I speak 2 languages besides English, and I was perfectly qualified for my job when I applied and have been proud of my resume ad professional accomplishments. I not only don't feel like the young person asking for advice at work, but I instruct and advise CEO's and CFO's of major international companies on their participation, with me answering their questions and giving them instructions.  I did the clubbing scene, never really liked it, and enjoy grabbing drinks with my friends and hosting dinner parties.  I am very comfortable with "settling down" as my life promises to be anything but boring.

And yet I still have the right to stop and reminisce about the passing of the years.  I'm by no means going, "Oh, whoa is me, I'm old!"  Clearly there are people older than me - that was obviously never the point.  I take the philosophy of my grandmother - I have earned each year, I'm proud of them, and I look forward to many more.  I swear I'll be the kind of person to go, "Hey, my birthday is next week - I'm turning 40!!!!"

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:7ef9d661-eb1f-4989-a801-a11e512207a4">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never understood why people don't want to admit they are over 30. Maybe its because I'm only 20 but 30 doesn't even seem old. Besides it seems like you should celebrate that you are older and have gained new experiences :)
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

You'll understand when you get closer to it, beth! It's ALL psychological but the idea of it still kills me! lol

I've been having these thoughts like crazy! So, this is a great thread... I'm about to turn 29 in 2 weeks and I've been saying that I have to do it up big because it's the last birthday I'm ever going to celebrate. I refuse to acknowedge the fact that I will be 30 soon. Mainly because it's like Cate said. When we were kids the time just dragged on. Waiting was torture. Now, the days, weeks, years are just flying by. It's like there's no waiting period. Everything just happens! I can't believe how fast this year went. I just wish time would slow down!!

I was watching some random Christmas movie the other day. I dont remember which one it was but the narrator said this and it's sooo true!

*Why in childhood & youth do we wish time to pass so quickly? We want to grow up so fast, yet, as adults we wish just the opposite...*

I've been trying to figure out the answer for a few years now...

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_age-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e94dded1-6610-4f02-a8d2-f16f44a2e141Post:42631419-104d-4792-988e-ef9cd6e09344">Re: Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age : I tried to reply yesterday but it won't let me quote on iphone, wtf... I def understand what you are saying - and no, I did not mean that others couldn't have had these same experiences or reached these same conclusions just b/c they are younger. (Hence the bolded "your mileage may vary"). I think what I just side-eye is the notion that while reminiscing (which is fine and fun!), that you'd have the notion that you have NOTHING to look forward to, that it ALL goes to crap once you turn 30, you can't POSSIBLY have any meaningful experiences after 25.  Pu-leeze.   If that truly is the case for someone's life, "YOU'RE DOIN IT WRONG." But yes, I agree, I'll be proud and happy when I turn 40 in 10 years b/c I have a lot I hope to accomplish by then!  I daresay that life might become More meaningful as you get older....as you learn to not take things for granted. (Again, generally).
Posted by whereyat[/QUOTE]

Hey, I'd settle for being able to even reply on TK from my stupid Blackberry!

I think then we're in total agreement - it sounded like you were doing the classic, "I didn't know anything at your age, you little ducklings."  I definitely find it sad that people believe all their milestones are done once you're past a certain age and got married.  Life brings so many great "firsts" at any point - the first time you buy a car, the first time you buy a home, the first time you travel to Europe/Asia/Latin America/Middle East/Antarctica, the first time you skydive, the first time you fly a plane, the first time you take a cruise, the first time you make over $100,000 in a year.  Whatever suits you!  If you're doing it right, you should be able to have some sort of significant milestone every year of your life.