Telling our Parents?

BrideofSteven

So BF and I have decided to get married, (which online sounds more like a business transaction than it does IRL) but before we do anything official or start any kind of planning we want to talk to our parents...all three sets! 
We are planning to approach his parents together, but because I come from a very traditional family he will have to speak with both sets of my parents individually.  Herein lies my query...How??
I'm in desperate need of advice on how to best approach this without being completely awkward (or even worse, giving them visions of having a you're-gonna-be-a-grandparent talk!) or throwing too much at them at once. Do we warn them that we want to have a "talk" with them, or just sit down and have an impromptu conversation.  How do we present this to our parents? 
We both have complicated family backgrounds that make the mention of marriage a bit of a touchy subject, so I think I'm just hoping that someone out there in cyberland has been here before and tell me what did/didn't work for them!
Any advice is appreciated!!

bethsmiles

Just tell them you and your BF have started talking about marriage. It doesn't have to be some big sit-down, serious conversation. Just mention it in casual conversation and then answer whatever questions or concerns they might have. It's only going to be a huge deal if you sit them down and make a big deal out of it.

bourgehm

Here's what you do:

Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged.

And go from there.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:9636a9af-627e-4cb8-bcae-69a0d0383ca9">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's what you do: Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged. And go from there.
Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

WIN!

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:9636a9af-627e-4cb8-bcae-69a0d0383ca9">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's what you do: Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged. And go from there.
Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

<div>i love you.</div>

bourgehm

love you too.

skidevil89

I was really nervous to tell my Dad and step-mom that BF and I were thinking about moving in together and eventually getting married. Their response was that they couldn't believe how long it had taken us or that we hadn't decided this sooner, which surprised me. I don't know your situation like how close you are to your parents or how long you and BF have been together, but your parents might see this coming.

amandanoelle12

If your families are traditional, then he would ask your parents for your hand in marriage and inform his parents that he's going to propose... then he proposes... then you tell them you're engaged.

I don't see what issues there could be with that unless one of you is not liked by the other's parents.

loves2shop4shoes

Hope FTW!

SeaTea02

FI took both of my parents out to lunch and just told them what he was planning for the proposal (he proposed at their house with a bunch of our friends and family there). 

Sparrow87

I vote just sitting down and telling them, why would you need to give a warning for happy news? 

redheadfsu

Are you engaged? (deciding to get married is getting engaged)  If so, then it is past the point of asking your parents. I mean he can, but why you two are already engaged. I would just call them asap or drop by for a drink/dinner one night & just tell them.

If you are not engaged yet, then he can just call them (if you are out-of-town) or drop by for lunch or a drink or something.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:a2cacae7-e344-4019-ac79-4f6671530733">Telling our Parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]So BF and I have decided to get married, (which online sounds more like a business transaction than it does IRL) but before we do anything official or start any kind of planning we want to talk to our parents...all three sets!  We are planning to approach his parents together, but because I come from a very traditional family he will have to speak with both sets of my parents individually.  Herein lies my query...How?? I'm in desperate need of advice on how to best approach this without being completely awkward (or even worse, giving them visions of having a you're-gonna-be-a-grandparent talk!) or throwing too much at them at once. Do we warn them that we want to have a "talk" with them, or just sit down and have an impromptu conversation.  How do we present this to our parents?  We both have complicated family backgrounds that make the mention of marriage a bit of a touchy subject, so I think I'm just hoping that someone out there in cyberland has been here before and tell me what did/didn't work for them! Any advice is appreciated!!
Posted by BrideofSteven[/QUOTE]

I was pretty nervous to tell my (recently-divorced) parents when I got engaged.  I stressed about it for a good week.  Some of the ladies on here can testify to that.

In the end, though, it turned out I had built it all up in my head to a much bigger deal than it really needed to be.  My dad was a little weird at first, but not in a bad way.  More like a quiet, contemplative way.  My mom was just really excited.

We just sat down with each of them separately and told them "we have a little announcement."  We paused for a minute after that, to watch their faces go from surprise to curiousity to suspicious, and then dropped the bomb.

If your FI is planning on talking to them by himself, you don't need to give them any warning.  The fact that he's approaching, without you, should be a dead giveaway anyway.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:28a8ffb9-fbd2-491a-a16c-212fac5b8ab1">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just tell them you and your BF have started talking about marriage. It doesn't have to be some big sit-down, serious conversation. Just mention it in casual conversation and then answer whatever questions or concerns they might have. It's only going to be a huge deal if you sit them down and make a big deal out of it.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

BrideofSteven

Thank you so much, ladies!  This put the situation in a much better perspective for me.
BF & I talked about it a little last night, too, and I shared your advice.  MUCH less stressed about it now...we only have one small obstacle each!  He really wants to speak with my mother FTF, but she lives three states away(GA - MO); I am still stressed about telling his parents (his brother recently went through a particularly nasty called-off engagement to a long-time GF). 
Both are things that we can handle, and if these are the worst issues we face with planning I will count myself incredibly lucky!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

peekaboo2011

Don't plan until you're engaged.

I repeat.

Don't plan until you're engaged.