Not engaged....yet

dayma09

My boyfriend and I will have been dating for two years in October and he graduates college in December. We've talked about marriage and know that we want to marry eachother, and he even said in the last month that he'll give me a ring when he graduates and we'll be married by next October. I love weddings and want to be a wedding planner, so I'm always on blogs and Pinterest boards, yet when he sees these or hears me talk about weddings, he acts like it's too soon to be looking. I'm worried he won't find a job right out of school and I won't get a ring until April or something, and that means an even shorter amount of time to plan a wedding, so I'm just looking around for what I like now. I want a fall wedding, and a short engagement doesn't bother me (it's been 2 years and I know he's the one...also my family has old-fashioned beliefs that we won't live together, etc beforehand, and a long engagement makes it that much harder). Do I curb my love for wedding websites, etc. or is he being sensitive and thinks I'm being pushy? I already know we're getting married and I don't do wedding researching as a reminder to him or an ultimatum or anything, just to be one step ahead of the game in a soon-to-be short engagement. Help!

beanbot2002

Wow. Ummm...someone else want to take this boat load of crazy pants on? I don't know that I have it in me to be nice.

Elle1036

Set a wedding date, and plan your wedding, after you get engaged. You guys are both still in school. A lot can change in the next year.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:83d9c375-ab79-4ecb-b9a8-56a1122a6348">Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I will have been dating for two years in October and he graduates college in December. We've talked about marriage and know that we want to marry eachother, and he even said in the last month that he'll give me a ring when he graduates and we'll be married by next October. I love weddings and want to be a wedding planner, so I'm always on blogs and Pinterest boards, yet when he sees these or hears me talk about weddings, he acts like it's too soon to be looking. I'm worried he won't find a job right out of school and I won't get a ring until April or something, and that means an even shorter amount of time to plan a wedding, so I'm just looking around for what I like now. I want a fall wedding, and a short engagement doesn't bother me (it's been 2 years and I know he's the one...also my family has old-fashioned beliefs that we won't live together, etc beforehand, and a long engagement makes it that much harder). <strong>Do I curb my love for wedding websites, etc. or is he being sensitive and thinks I'm being pushy? I already know we're getting married and I don't do wedding researching as a reminder to him or an ultimatum or anything, just to be one step ahead of the game in a soon-to-be short engagement.</strong> Help!
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, curb your love for wedding websites. When the time comes to plan your wedding (when you're, you know, engaged), you should plan it WITH your fiance. Many of us on this site have been in the same boat. It's obviously fun to daydream about your future wedding, but even if it's not what you intend to do, it IS putting pressure on your boyfriend, so stop.</div><div>
</div><div>Enjoy where you are in the relationship now. Stop thinking that you'll get married for sure next October. It probably would be a GREAT thing for you to live on your own for a little bit before getting married, so that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to happen.</div>

K Everdeen12

Don't count on him proposing if his job prospects are unknown.  Being financially stable is more important than getting engaged or married ASAP.

Let go of your dream of a wedding next fall - if he proposes and you two decide that you can plan a wedding by then, that's great.  But there is no need to hold on to something that may very well not happen.

Listen to your BF if he says that you shouldn't be talking about weddings.  My FI HATED wedding talk before we got engaged.  It definitely did not help him propose any sooner.  

How old are you?  Are you still in school?  Do you have a career?  What do you do in your free time?

leia1979

Your BF might not find a good job right away. You don't want to get married until both of you are financially stable (and that has nothing to do with buying a ring or paying for a wedding).

You said your BF is in college. What do you do? Are you still in school? I think you should lay off the wedding websites for now. Focus on school if you're in school or making your career if you're working. Don't do anything wedding related until after you are engaged.

beanbot2002

Yep. Crazy pants. Planning your wedding before you're engaged is crazy pants.

Imagine me painting a bedroom in a house pink and buying a crib and decorating it for a baby before we've even started to try to conceive. That's crazy pants. Same freaking thing. Don't do it.

Please, in the name of all that is holy, don't freaking do it.

melmac86

Oh boy. I feel like you're kind of cheating your BF out of the moment when he actually proposes, because you're already going crazy with wedding stuff. Maybe he gets the impression that you care more about your pretty princess day than actually marrying him. He probably doesn't see it as "getting a head start" or whatever you wanna call it.

For your sanity and his, just wait to do all this browsing and such until you're actually engaged. Anyway, that's what an engagement is for, right?

lennonkdc

<div>It's cool, I'll take this one...</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:83d9c375-ab79-4ecb-b9a8-56a1122a6348">Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I will have been dating for two years in October and he graduates college in December. We've talked about marriage and know that we want to marry eachother, and he even said in the last month that he'll give me a ring when he graduates and we'll be married by next October. I love weddings and want to be a wedding planner, so I'm always on blogs and Pinterest boards, yet when he sees these or hears me talk about weddings, he acts like it's too soon to be looking. I'm worried he won't find a job right out of school and I won't get a ring until April or something, and that means an even shorter amount of time to plan a wedding, so I'm just looking around for what I like now. I want a fall wedding, and a short engagement doesn't bother me (it's been 2 years and I know he's the one...also my family has old-fashioned beliefs that we won't live together, etc beforehand, and a long engagement makes it that much harder). Do I curb my love for wedding websites, etc. or is he being sensitive and thinks I'm being pushy? I already know we're getting married and I don't do wedding researching as a reminder to him or an ultimatum or anything, just to be one step ahead of the game in a soon-to-be short engagement. Help!
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1) I don't care how much you love weddings- Stop planning your's right now. If you want to be a wedding planner, go intern for one. Get it out of your system by planning other peoples weddings.</div><div>
</div><div>2) Getting engaged is a BFD, back off on the planning b/c its making him uncomfortable. In his mind, just discussing a wedding has turned a woman he loves into an "OMG WEDDINGS!!!!" obsessed woman. He's worried how bad its going to be when it comes to planning.</div><div>
</div><div>3) Planning on pinterest<strong> DOES NOT EQUAL</strong> the reality of wedding planning. Pinning is free, weddings are not and TRUST ME all those cute ideas you love will break your heart one day when you go to price everything out.</div><div>
</div><div>4) Its just one day. Focus on the type of marriage you want, b/c that's whats going to last forever. </div><div>
</div><div>5) No matter what you say in your defense, we've heard it all before. But we've also all been where you have been and successfully been talked down from the ledge you're standing on right now. So give us a chance and think before you tell us what a special snowflake you are.
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dayma09

We're both 22 and I'm not in school anymore. On another note, his extended family loves me, but his mom is hard to read and quiet. She tends to get upset at little things and the kids all kind of tiptoe around her as to not make her unhappy. They're going on family vacation this summer and do little things like going to baseball games. I'm never invited unless it's a whole entended family thing, but it seems harder to break into their smaller family. Only recently starting this year did his mom tell him that an invitation to him automatically means I'm invited too (for his birthday last fall, he went to dinner with his family without me). It's gotten better, but mostly with his extended family who is more outgoing. 

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:e128dd67-c4aa-4da4-9ead-966c808543a5">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]We're both 22 and I'm not in school anymore. On another note, his extended family loves me, but his mom is hard to read and quiet. She tends to get upset at little things and the kids all kind of tiptoe around her as to not make her unhappy. They're going on family vacation this summer and do little things like going to baseball games. I'm never invited unless it's a whole entended family thing, but it seems harder to break into their smaller family. Only recently starting this year did his mom tell him that an invitation to him automatically means I'm invited too (for his birthday last fall, he went to dinner with his family without me). It's gotten better, but mostly with his extended family who is more outgoing. 
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]

<div>Every family is different. Maybe since he was so young, she didn't think extending an invite to you was necessary. Maybe she is trying to hold on to her son for a little while longer. It's hard to say, but at some point in your relationship, your boyfriend will have to start standing up to her and saying that you SHOULD be invited to these things.</div>

LaSak87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:f518ef9c-0bdb-495d-a479-815839a4631b">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh boy. <strong>I feel like you're kind of cheating your BF out of the moment when he actually proposes</strong>, because you're already going crazy with wedding stuff. <strong>Maybe he gets the impression that you care more about your pretty princess day than actually marrying him. </strong>He probably doesn't see it as "getting a head start" or whatever you wanna call it. For your sanity and his, just wait to do all this browsing and such until you're actually engaged. Anyway, that's what an engagement is for, right?
Posted by melmac86[/QUOTE]
Thiiiiis.....and this!

beanbot2002

It's posts like these that have me holding out hope that the Bean will stick to our "Not until you're 35 and have a PhD!" plan. So far, he's buying it...I don't know how much more time I've got with that one haha

K Everdeen12

You're not in school but you haven't told us if you're working.  How do you plan on paying for a wedding and real world living expenses if you aren't working?

I'd be hurt by your BF's mom's actions, but what does your BF do in these situations?  I'd be pretty pissed if my SO's mom said I couldn't attend his birthday dinner, and my SO just said "okay!".  Some families work differently than others, but I've always dated guys where the families readily accepted me, and my family is the same way.  (I used to spend holidays with my high school boyfriend.)  SOs were always welcome on family vacations in my situations as well.  

LaSak87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:bcb78fc0-13dd-4042-94a3-021b7f7526f1">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]It's posts like these that have me holding out hope that the Bean will stick to our "Not until you're 35 and have a PhD!" plan. So far, he's buying it...I don't know how much more time I've got with that one haha
Posted by beanbot2002[/QUOTE]
If I'm 35 and still don't have my PhD, I'm quitting.

dewingedpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:83d9c375-ab79-4ecb-b9a8-56a1122a6348">Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I will have been dating for two years in October and he graduates college in December. <strong>We've talked about marriage and know that we want to marry eachother, and he even said in the last month that he'll give me a ring when he graduates and we'll be married by next October.</strong>I love weddings and want to be a wedding planner, so I'm always on blogs and Pinterest boards, yet when he sees these or hears me talk about weddings, he acts like it's too soon to be looking. I'm worried he won't find a job right out of school and I won't get a ring until April or something, and that means an even shorter amount of time to plan a wedding, so I'm just looking around for what I like now. I want a fall wedding, and a short engagement doesn't bother me (it's been 2 years and I know he's the one...also my family has old-fashioned beliefs that we won't live together, etc beforehand, and a long engagement makes it that much harder). Do I curb my love for wedding websites, etc. or is he being sensitive and thinks I'm being pushy?<strong> I already know we're getting married and I don't do wedding researching as a reminder to him or an ultimatum or anything, just to be one step ahead of the game in a soon-to-be short engagement</strong>. Help!
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]

The first bold section is simple he could be telling you this to get you off his case. Unless you've held the ring parts in your hand you have no ring. Until he asks you with the ring if you've held those parts in your hand its his not yours. Note you can be engaged without a ring. I was in this very situation until this last weekend, we had the parts we were engaged, but he proposed over the weekend with the final ring. Others here are not engaged at all but their boyfriend's have had the ring for months already. Until he's asked or you are engaged don't plan a wedding!

The second bold part is simple too you don't know you're getting married you're not engaged! Talking about getting married and getting married are two different things.Don't plan for a short engagement because you don't have an engagement! In away your actions right now are giving him an ultimatum. You're saying you have to propose by spring so we can get married in October with a short engagement period. This is not fair to him and pressuring. STOP!  Giving an ultimatum is wrong. You are not being fair to his needs and wants in this relationship right now or allowing him to grow into the role of a fiance and husband by giving him this type of under the table ultimatum.

And yes you are acting crazy doing this. Get a hobby, and love your relationship for what it is now. Let it progress on its own in its own time.

minskat30

Please stop planning...(1) you are not engaged yet and (2) planning is making your BF crazy/irritated.  If you don't care about #1, you should care about #2. 

loves2shop4shoes

Don't plan until you're engaged.

It's really that simple.

bethsmiles

Hi! My BF and I are 22 as well. We've been together for almost four years. I completely understanding wanting to start looking at wedding stuff ASAP but here's the thing you don't know your budget, you don't know your guest list, you don't know the demands either of your families are going to make, or any number of things that will come up when you are engaged and planning a wedding. So really you're better off waiting until you are engaged.

Also, if your BF thinks its too soon to be looking at wedding stuff then it's too soon. It sounds like he doesn't want to pre-plan...probably because pre-planing might make his proposal seem more like a formality to get out of the way than a romantic gesture.

And one more thing, don't let wanting to live together and have sex (which from your OP I'm assuming you aren't doing) make you rush into a marriage. If he ends up not proposing until April or July or whenever then get married next summer or however long from that you feel you need to plan a wedding. Don't get your heart set on a specific date or month right now. Figure that out when you get engaged.

dayma09

The thing is he'll bring up things about wedding plans too. Like such and such place would be a cool area to have it. He's not completely turning his other cheek when I bring up wedding related things. Also my response to "get a hobby": weddings and fashion are my twin hobbies like I said. Hence wanting to work in the wedding industry. My sister just got married and I'm thinking of working part time in the industry. Both of these things draw me to wedding websites, are you saying I can no longer pursue my interests? I don't walk around proclaiming what flowers or people will be at our wedding, I'm looking at pictures for fun. I've reported back to him about one spot I found and only to get his opinion- not pressure him or tell him that's how it's going to be. I know I'm not engaged. I'm also a girl who likes looking at wedding stuff. I'm not planning the guest list or booking reception sites over here. Simply looking and learning so when the time comes I know what the heck I'm doing. Some people on here are downright rude, I'm simply asking for advice on a website based on marriage and love. Let's not forget to show some. Even if you disagree with something, there's a difference between helpfully giving advice and acting like someone's way beneath yourself.

peekaboo2011

OP - TK has suddenly decided it's only going to show me like two of your posts.  Which means, obviously, that you're too crazy for TK to handle.

So, chill out.  And if you're trying to get married so you can have sex...buy a vibrator.

dewingedpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:a9e18334-6246-4312-b5eb-58c204a40b8b">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]  And if you're trying to get married so you can have sex...buy a vibrator.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Love this, thanks for the laugh.

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:676d3997-a909-4209-8b80-24f43b889600">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not engaged....yet : If I'm 35 and still don't have my PhD, I'm quitting.
Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]
For realz. 

beanbot2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:676d3997-a909-4209-8b80-24f43b889600">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not engaged....yet : If I'm 35 and still don't have my PhD, I'm quitting.
Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]

Hahaha...he has to have his PhD AND be at least 35. So, even if he get's his PhD at 26...he has to wait 9 more years to date. I'm putting my foot down.
Listen, digging up dinosaurs in the middle of nowhere, he won't have time to date. And girls will just screw with his ability to focus on finding an as of yet undiscovered dino.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:4f6bc494-249b-4bd1-93dd-c3ed6865ed47">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is he'll bring up things about wedding plans too. Like such and such place would be a cool area to have it. He's not completely turning his other cheek when I bring up wedding related things. Also my response to "get a hobby": weddings and fashion are my twin hobbies like I said. Hence wanting to work in the wedding industry. My sister just got married and I'm thinking of working part time in the industry. Both of these things draw me to wedding websites, <strong>are you saying I can no longer pursue my interests?</strong> I don't walk around proclaiming what flowers or people will be at our wedding, I'm looking at pictures for fun. I've reported back to him about one spot I found and only to get his opinion- not pressure him or tell him that's how it's going to be. I know I'm not engaged. I'm also a girl who likes looking at wedding stuff. I'm not planning the guest list or booking reception sites over here. Simply looking and learning so when the time comes I know what the heck I'm doing. Some people on here are downright rude, I'm simply asking for advice on a website based on marriage and  love . Let's not forget to show some. Even if you disagree with something, there's a difference between helpfully giving advice and acting like someone's way beneath yourself.
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]

So your ONLY interests are weddings and fashion? 

IF your own boyfriend has acted like it's too soon to be looking, it is too soon to be looking.  It is that simple.  YOU asked if you should curb your love for wedding websites.  People said yes.  If you didn't want an honest answer to your question, then you should not have asked it.

Personally, if you are not mature enough to make your own decision regarding living together and your sexuality, then you have no business entertaining the idea of marriage.  You say that your family has the old fashioned belief that you shouldn't live together before marriage and that would make a long engagement hard.  This just makes you come across like a toddler who wants what she wants when she wants it.  Being an adult means recognizing that your decisions have consequences.  Rushing a marriage because you want to live together is NOT a good idea.  If you want to live with him, then live with him and deal with the consequences.  However, living your life by adhering to someone else's beliefs is not what an adult does.  Find your own beliefs.  Find your own path.  It doesn't have to be different from your parents' but it does have to be of your own choosing. 

For the record, we got engaged in April and were married in October.  I didn't need to preplan to have a fabulous wedding.  We did need to work towards a great marriage by nurturing our relationship in the spot that it was in at that time.  We did need to communicate about our wants and needs without throwing tantrums. 

In regards to his family not including you, I don't know how inclusive I will be of my sons' girlfriends when they are 22.  I will leave it up to them how much they want to include their girlfriends.  I do not plan on inviting people to our family events when they are just dating.  If one of my sons were to express to me how serious the relationship is, then I might invite the girlfriend.  I certainly would not extend an invite to a girl that my son was dating for less than a year at your ages.  I don't want to waste my time getting to know a girl who may be gone in a week.  Did you ever stop to think that his family may not realize that the two of you are serious?  IF your boyfriend wants you to come on these family outings, then he needs to be the one who stands up for you and your relationship. 

hicotton

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:4f6bc494-249b-4bd1-93dd-c3ed6865ed47">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>(A)The thing is he'll bring up things about wedding plans too</strong>. <strong>Like such and such place would be a cool area to have it.</strong> He's not completely turning his other cheek when I bring up wedding related things. Also my response to "get a hobby": weddings and fashion are my twin hobbies like I said. Hence wanting to work in the wedding industry. My sister just got married and I'm thinking of working part time in the industry. Both of these things draw me to wedding websites, are you saying I can no longer pursue my interests?<strong> (B)</strong> <strong>I don't walk around proclaiming what flowers or people will be at our wedding, I'm looking at pictures for fun. I've reported back to him about one spot I found and only to get his opinion</strong>- not pressure him or tell him that's how it's going to be. I know I'm not engaged. I'm also a girl who likes looking at wedding stuff. I'm not planning the guest list or booking reception sites over here. <strong>(C)Simply looking and learning so when the time comes I know what the heck I'm doing.</strong> Some people on here are downright rude, I'm simply asking for advice on a website based on marriage and  love . Let's not forget to show some. Even if you disagree with something, there's a difference between helpfully giving advice and acting like someone's way beneath yourself.
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><strong>Take it easy, girl.</strong></div><div><strong>
</strong></div><div>I don't want to beat a dead horse, but whether you know it or not, you are planning a wedding, even if you're not looking at all the details.</div><div>
</div><div>A.) I've talked in the past about how "If I had a baby, I'd definitely buy them this onesie! It's cute!" That does not mean I am in any trying to conceive. Men do the same thing. Marriage isn't a taboo subject that you absolutely do not speak about until you're engaged, but jumping on the "we're talking marriage" train just because he acknowledges it as a possibility is not a good idea. For you OR your relationship with him.</div><div>
</div><div>B.) This statement completely contradicts itself, and I'll tell you why. You say that talking about a venue (one of the most important aspects of the wedding) is no big deal and not really planning, yet it's not like you're being silly and talking about FLOWERS (something that some people don't even have at their wedding!). Correct me if I'm wrong, but they're BOTH a part of a wedding. Period. You plan either of them, even just for an "opinion" and you're talking about planning a wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Secondly, if you're not engaged, why even ask for his opinion? It's one thing to come across a place while driving down the road and go "Oh wow, that's pretty, I bet it would be a pretty place for a wedding" and going out of your way to say "Hey, hun, I was looking at wedding venues and thought this one might be pretty for our future wedding. What do you think?"</div><div>
</div><div>C.) Planning a wedding isn't like having a baby. YOU get to decide when it is, where it is, and who all gets to share the experience. It's not something that just catches you off-guard. Take hellotarra, for example. She'll be having a baby early next year. She has (roughly) nine months to figure out what hospital she wants to go to, what doctor she wants to see, what she wants to name her baby, etc. And even still, she'll be making a lot of big decisions with her husband. I say roughly because she has no idea when that little tyke is going to make it's grand entrance. She could be in the middle of a wonderful bubblebath or unclogging the toilet! She needs to be prepared.</div><div>
</div><div>You, on the other hand, have much more time and freedom than she does. You have time to figure out "what you need to do" when it's actually time to need to do it. It's not just going to hit you unexpectedly and be like "OMG I JUST FOUND OUT IM GETTING MARRIED IN 2 MONTHS!"</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>In the long run, just cool your jets for now. Relax. Don't make your BF feel like he has no choice in whether he wants to marry you or not. And I don't want to be a Debby Downer, but when I was younger, I thought every guy was "the one". I mean, I was DATING them wasn't I? Why would I waste my time if I wasn't completely and 100% in love with them? No future is certain, so enjoy the present before you end up ruining a future that MIGHT possibly happen.</div><div>
</div><div>(Also, just as a side note, a lot of girls become interested in wedding planning prior to being engaged/married, simply because the idea of weddings and marriage gets them all fairy-tale. Now, I'm in no way saying that your interest and desire to work in that industry is all fantasy, but take it slow... once you ARE married, and you've planned your OWN wedding, you're probably going to get sick and tired of planning other people's and listening to them nitpick and complain over every little detail).</div><div>
</div><div>Now... my fingers are tired... I think I shall have a drink.

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LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engagedyet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ee408580-2745-4bbb-a5f6-2b63ea5ba89bPost:4f6bc494-249b-4bd1-93dd-c3ed6865ed47">Re: Not engaged....yet</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The thing is he'll bring up things about wedding plans too.</strong> Like such and such place would be a cool area to have it. He's not completely turning his other cheek when I bring up wedding related things. Also my response to "get a hobby": weddings and fashion are my twin hobbies like I said. Hence wanting to work in the wedding industry. My sister just got married and I'm thinking of working part time in the industry. <strong>Both of these things draw me to wedding websites, are you saying I can no longer pursue my interests?</strong> I don't walk around proclaiming what flowers or people will be at our wedding, I'm looking at pictures for fun. I've reported back to him about one spot I found and only to get his opinion- not pressure him or tell him that's how it's going to be. I know I'm not engaged. I'm also a girl who likes looking at wedding stuff. I'm not planning the guest list or booking reception sites over here. Simply <strong>looking and learning so when the time comes I know what the heck I'm doing.</strong> Some <strong>people on here are downright rude, I'm simply asking for advice on a website based on marriage and  love . Let's not forget to show some</strong>. Even if you disagree with something, there's a difference between helpfully giving advice and acting like someone's way beneath yourself.
Posted by dayma09[/QUOTE]

<div>First bolded part: Ask him to stop bringing things up until he thinks it is an appropriate time to start planning (read: after you are actually engaged). Plain and simple. </div><div>
</div><div>Second bolded part: Clearly the fact that you're looking at wedding things bothers your BF. He has already told you that it is too early, and you need to respect his wishes. Are you only interested in wedding and wedding fashion? You have no other interests and aren't willing to try something else temporarily until you are engaged? </div><div>
</div><div>Third bolded part: Planning your wedding is NOT rocket science and does NOT require you to look and learn before the time comes. You are not a wedding planner and you are not offering a professional service to someone. I knew nothing about wedding planning before I started and find no issues with learning as I go.</div><div>
</div><div>Fourth bolded part: You mean honest? You asked a question and people told you what they think. They told you to find a hobby (that isn't wedding related), they told you to slow down, they told you that since your planning is bothering your BOYFRIEND to stop, they told you that nothing is certain yet, they told you it is probably best to wait until he has a job at least lined up, they told you not to rush marriage because you want to live together/have sex. You didn't hear what you wanted, so you got defensive.</div><div>
</div><div>It is a general feeling around here that planning a wedding before you are engaged (no matter how much you LURV planning weddings) is crazy. </div><div>
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</div><div>ETA: <strong>Mute</strong>lys, I like the way you think. </div><div>
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catrb89

An engagement should not be the only reason for your wanting him to succeed and get a job. The fact that he's finishing up school is enough pressure for him without you fussing over getting a ring.
Get another hobby, buy some books or something (NOT wedding books). Learn to relax and enjoy being his girlfriend. There's no rush.

SKP82

Are you for serious?

Lyds85

Honestly, you need to back off your man! He will ask you when he's ready! While its fun to browse wedding stuff, don't start planning yet!

OtterJ

I dated a guy for 7 years that constantly talked about wanting to marry me....until I was ready to be married.  Then I woke up and dumped him because we weren't going anywhere.

Honestly, you don't need a ring to be engaged.  If you're both as sure as you say you are, make it official, and ring shop together later.

Bottom line, do what's right for the two of you.  If he doesn't want you to start planning yet, then tell him he can't plan the wedding yet either. 

If you really want to plan in ways that matter, have you considered doing any pre-marital counseling, or go through any marriage prep resources?  I started with my fiance when we first started talking about getting married (before we were officially engaged).  It has not only helped our relationship now, but it will help our relationship in the long run.  Building a strong relationship is far more important than picking a venue.  Until you have an actual wedding to plan, why not focus on what's really important?