Cyclical Relationships

xweddingbutterflyx

Cyclical relationships. I'm sure all of us know a couple that is stuck in a cyclical relationship--a relationship in which people break up and get back together repeatedly. They always say it's the last time, the last straw, the last chance--any phrase with the word 'last' in it--for their relationship to work. I was reading some research done on this type of relationship and the article stated that these type of relationships almost never work out due to the fact that it weakens the security of the relationship and causes people in the relationship to make impulsive BIG decisions (getting married, moving in together, etc.) Personally, I agree with this. Of all of the relationships I've seen, the ones that are on and off NEVER work out. I think that a couple can possibly recover from one break up or one break, but for the most part once it happens once, it happens perpetually. What do you guys think?

bethsmiles

I don't get back together with exs. It ended for a reason and I think it's better to move on.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cyclical-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fb8947a5-901b-4565-87e8-66265454dbeePost:0c27314a-b591-4e7d-89a3-36fdeb933eec">Re: Cyclical Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like this conclusion is common sense and I'm wondering who actually paid for this research to be done.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

LOL...and ditto.

swhite2012

My sister is in a cyclical relationship. It's terrible, but her being so involved in it makes it hard for her to see the issues.

caitlin.cave

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cyclical-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fb8947a5-901b-4565-87e8-66265454dbeePost:0c27314a-b591-4e7d-89a3-36fdeb933eec">Re: Cyclical Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like this conclusion is common sense and I'm wondering who actually paid for this research to be done.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

That's actually a psychological princple called hindsight bias.  It looks obvious when you already know it, but it wasn't before.  ;)

I totally agree though, if you broke up once you'll probably do it again, barring a major change in commitment from both parties.

desertsun

I think sometimes it can be really healthy to spend a little time apart, re-evaluating your relationship and realizing it truly IS something you want and that will work.

I see that more as a one-time kind of thing however and not a recurring pattern of breaking up.

LoveBug82510

My bf and I had split up the week of Christmas.  I remember it vividly. I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and he called.  Broke up with me over the phone with the "it's not you, it's me" line.  I was pissed off and upset all at the same time.  That week, I didn't hear from him at all. He said he would call me or stop by to discuss it, but never did.  Christmas came and I got a text saying merry christmas.  The following day (day after christmas) i got a text from him saying "i hope that you are being safe when you drive today...please stay where ever it is that you're going."

After that text I replied because I hadn't in a week.   We talked back and forth, he called and made me laugh. I talked to him on and off the 2nd week.  I went out with a 'fix up' that a girlfriend of mine set me up on.  While out to dinner (and while the guy who is a completly BSC psychotic was in the bathroom) I got a text saying "I miss you."

He came over NYE and hung out for about 20 minutes, then left.  I didn't think I would ever see him again after that, but then I realized that he had his slippers, his favorite sweats and a couple other things at my apartment.  Then, he surprised me, on my birthday (Jan 3) by showing up with a cake, cards and himself.  Since then, it's been history.  We've had our fights and have gotten stronger. 

I think the saying is true "If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours....if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."  Well, I let him go, I was preparing to move on and he returned.  When ever anyone asks us how long we've been together, we say a year and a half, like we had never split up.  Our friends know we were apart for about 2 weeks, but they also know how miserable we both were.  We really are great for each other....we're opposites and it's great. I love him so deeply and while he doesn't say it that often, he does the little things that show he does...and when he says he loves me I know he means it.....especially when he gives me the puppy dog eys. melts my heart...