FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!

Smashleyk

Its peeing me off! I asked him if he was ready to save large amounts of money towards the wedding before we finally set the date...weve only been saving for a few months..the wedding isn't until may 2013! we've already been engaged for over a year and a half and are paying for the wedding ourselves. I feel like being irrational and just calling off the date even though we've placed 2 deposits. It's just not cool in my mind, is he gonna be this way when we want to buy our home?! Ughhh all he cut out of his expenses was b.s. crap like snacks when he's out to work and lotto..I mean c'mon

Queen Jane

You can say pissing on TK. Have you worked out a budget as to how much you need to save per week or month to be able to afford the wedding? Do you have other ideas on cutbacks? If so, have you expressed them? Do either of you already have any debt other than student loans or car notes?

Avion22

Maybe he just doesn't want to SPEND a lot of money on the wedding because he doesn't think it should cost that much?    Just a possibility.

Before you do any planning you should sit down and have a casual chat about what you want, how much you want to spend, how you can save for it, and how long it will take.  This shouldn't just be about the wedding -- also talk about if you want to save for a house or vacation or new car or whatever,so you can set your priorities.  Just be careful not to make all of this saving seem like an overwhelming task or he might shut down to the idea of saving at all.

cwaggoner07

An approach it from a standpoint that you're both sacrificing and you're both working toward something you both want. And if he doesn't want the same wedding you do, you need to talk to him about it and come together on the same page. I've had to sacrifice some stuff for our wedding, but it really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe he feels like he has no say and no power over the decision making process.

Smashleyk

Whew, thanks for the advice guys. No debt over here We worked out a budget before we started to plan..but he apologized last night after he realized that it upset me.

Smashleyk

We had to save a little extra this past month in order to place our deposits. Which he said he didn't relize (shows how much guys listen lol) so I understood at that point why he was confused

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:cf55ceaa-55ae-4bb3-9f8c-d91c1520127a">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]We had to save a little extra this past month in order to place our deposits. Which he said he didn't relize (<strong>shows how much guys listen lol</strong>) so I understood at that point why he was confused
Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]

Please don't make blanket statements and assumptions. Just because your FI isn't listening, doesnt mean that applied to other guys. My DH listens very well and was on board with everything from the get-go.

It sounds to me that ya'll haven't had a real conversation about budget factors and who will be contribute what to the budget. Weddings are expensive, but they don't have to be. If he isn't on board with spending a boat load of money for a 1-day party, I don't blame him and highly suggest you guys having a conversation and coming up with a compromise that'll make both of ya'll happy.

Smashleyk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:5c21d8e9-4718-4b9f-8233-ffa39bfcc4fc">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Please don't make blanket statements and assumptions. Just because your FI isn't listening, doesnt mean that applied to other guys. My DH listens very well and was on board with everything from the get-go. It sounds to me that ya'll haven't had a real conversation about budget factors and who will be contribute what to the budget. Weddings are expensive, but they don't have to be. If he isn't on board with spending a boat load of money for a 1-day party, I don't blame him and highly suggest you guys having a conversation and coming up with a compromise that'll make both of ya'll happy.
Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]



Clearly your a hypocrite, making assumptions that FI and I don't have 'real conversations' and clearly your an a$$ putting these 2 cents in after I had stated that everything was cleared up...and if you hadn't noticed the LOL IT WAS A JOKE. As for who's contributing what it's 50/50 ...like I stated which you so blantanly ignored is that we had to save extra to place our deposits to secure the date...and I highly suggest that you clearly read and comprehend what is said in prior post before you go making those ''a$$umptions'

Smashleyk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:0d4a864b-3ed9-41fa-b33e-8539ed4fc13f">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh well in that case I would just show him how much the rest of the deposits will be and when they are due.  That would probably cut down on confusion as to how much you'll need to save.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]




We went over everything this morning as far as deposits and it's all gravy now, next week is the last large deposit...he and I are both happy about that! There was just confusing because he had just gotten off work and it's been a stressful week for the both of us so that wasn't the first thing on his mind after coming home. He's actually the one that wants the places that require the larger deposits which is kind of funny lol thanks for the advice, it worked out nicely! :)

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:23dcfa95-7918-499e-8994-a44a97727800">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Clearly your a hypocrite, making assumptions that FI and I don't have 'real conversations' and clearly your an a$$ putting these 2 cents in after I had stated that everything was cleared up...and if you hadn't noticed the LOL IT WAS A JOKE. As for who's contributing what it's 50/50 ...like I stated which you so blantanly ignored is that we had to save extra to place our deposits to secure the date...and I highly suggest that you clearly read and comprehend what is said in prior post before you go making those ''a$$umptions'
Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]

Wow, light trigger pull on this one.

Smashleyk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:a772eace-2dbf-4324-9623-922927b05571">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Wow, light trigger pull on this one.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]




Lol whoops, I dislike hypocrites and Judgy people...one of the few things that get under my skin.

Smashleyk

Which is silly of me considering the second after I posted the initial post I realized I'd more than likely get a comment like that

J&K10910

I promise that I'm not trying to be rude, but this might not be the place for you then.

Obviously I'm not telling you where to post or not post-it's the internet, you can do what you want.  But you might find more than enough to get under your skin on the national boards.  Perhaps your local or club board would be a better fit.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:8dfd038c-d4a2-4f47-b7b4-bbe2aab5db8a">FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]Its peeing me off! I asked him if he was ready to save large amounts of money towards the wedding before we finally set the date...weve only been saving for a few months..the wedding isn't until may 2013! we've already been engaged for over a year and a half and are paying for the wedding ourselves. I feel like being irrational and just calling off the date even though we've placed 2 deposits. It's just not cool in my mind, is he gonna be this way when we want to buy our home<strong>?! Ughhh all he cut out of his expenses was b.s. crap like snacks when he's out to work and lotto..I mean c'mon
</strong>Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]

I'm sure that's not a sign of things to come. He'll change once you get that ring on his finger.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:23dcfa95-7918-499e-8994-a44a97727800">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Clearly your a hypocrite, making assumptions that FI and I don't have 'real conversations' and clearly your an a$$ putting these 2 cents in after I had stated that everything was cleared up...and if you hadn't noticed the LOL IT WAS A JOKE. As for who's contributing what it's 50/50 ...like I stated which you so blantanly ignored is that we had to save extra to place our deposits to secure the date...and I highly suggest that you clearly read and comprehend what is said in prior post before you go making those ''a$$umptions'
Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]
Wow. <div>Just wow.</div>

cwaggoner07

The great thing about this board is, if you ask for advice... you will get it. Because most of us don't know each other on a personal level we can be a little more straight-forward. My friends and family, and even my FI may be too nice to tell me I'm doing something wrong, but I know this girls here will shoot me straight and that's what I LIKE about it here.
Just my two cents.

LoisLane007

Show your FI a price list of things laid out on paper so he can see how much a wedding actually costs. Then maybe he'll understand how much money actually needs to be saved.

Smashleyk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:e12bc96b-a245-4b1f-8315-74de813d31ce">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]I promise that I'm not trying to be rude, but this might not be the place for you then. Obviously I'm not telling you where to post or not post-it's the internet, you can do what you want.  But you might find more than enough to get under your skin on the national boards.  Perhaps your local or club board would be a better fit.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]




Not rude at all, I just won't be posting any vents on any board. Thanks though

StephBeanWed61502

I love the posters who complain about being "judged" while calling someone else an ass.  Because calling someone an ass isn't being judgmental at all.

Cynthia1207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:23dcfa95-7918-499e-8994-a44a97727800">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Clearly your a hypocrite, making assumptions that FI and I don't have 'real conversations' and clearly your an a$$ putting these 2 cents in after I had stated that everything was cleared up...and if you hadn't noticed the LOL IT WAS A JOKE. As for who's contributing what it's 50/50 ...like I stated which you so blantanly ignored is that we had to save extra to place our deposits to secure the date...and I highly suggest that you clearly read and comprehend what is said in prior post before you go making those ''a$$umptions'
Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]

Now that's rude.  You're the one who said for starters that he didn't listen the first time around (in your, "OMG it was all misunderstood" post) and now you're someone out for pointing out exactly what you said?

I know you're new but you are going to have to develop thicker skin around here and watch your language.  Calling someone an a$$ for pointing out something you originally said, IS rude.

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-is-angry-that-he-has-to-savejust-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:00eef7d8-3aad-4503-b208-e138853c743ePost:23dcfa95-7918-499e-8994-a44a97727800">Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is angry that he has to save...just a vent! : Clearly your a hypocrite, making assumptions that FI and I don't have 'real conversations' and clearly your an a$$ putting these 2 cents in after I had stated that everything was cleared up...and if you hadn't noticed the LOL IT WAS A JOKE. As for who's contributing what it's 50/50 ...like I stated which you so blantanly ignored is that we had to save extra to place our deposits to secure the date...and I highly suggest that you clearly read and comprehend what is said in prior post before you go making those ''a$$umptions'
Posted by Smashleyk[/QUOTE]

Feel better now?

Perhaps lurking more would be beneficial here.
I'm pretty sure calling someone an ass is a bit judgey in its own way, so that's also pretty hypocritical too.

P.s. you're allowed to type ass ;)

mizutamababy

No need to get your panties in a bunch.  While I think Ncsu took your joke a little too personally, no need to insult her.  Afterall she did raise a valid point... you need to make sure your FI is on the same page with you as far as the wedding goes and beyond.

My DH isn't the best at saving... So I made a budget, talked it over, and we decided how much he would contribute each month.  (And I had to either match or exceed that or else it wouldn't have been fair.)

DH didn't want to cut all his extras out, so he took on a part-time job 1-2 Sundays a month.  Even though the wedding is over, he still likes this method over cutting back and is still doing the part-time work.  Would this be something your FI might be better with?

P.S. Guys generally aren't wired to multitask like women generally can.  Not being sexist, just that psychologically when paying attention to both things they tend to  jumble leading to the guy in question tuning one or the other out and/or irritation.  Try to set up a time where you both can give your undivided attention to discussing things with no distractions and you'll probably have better results with him following you/remembering what you talked about.