Unwanted Guest?

jody512

 This problem is probally trival, but I'm stressed! One of my bridesmaids has started seeing a guy we know, but can't stand. This guy has hit on everyone of the girls in our group, regardless if we are or were, married, dating, etc someone else. He's real snakey. It has been the general concenus with the group, that this guy isn't very nice and we had begun to distance ourselves from him. So imagine our surprise when one our friends starts seeing him! This guy has talked behind everyones back and has even attempted to start fights between some of us. After the initial shock of the conception of their relationship, I realized that being supportive of my friend and her choices were the right thing to do. My finance and I had agreed long ago that this guy would not be invited to our wedding. Now that one of my best friends and bridesmaids is dating him, I don't know what to do!
 He started trouble already regarding my finance and my wedding plans! I am offended by this guy and truly don't want to have any part in our day at all!
 What do I do!!

calli0pe00

This is YOUR wedding and you are in no way obligated to invite him. What I know so far is that signifigant others are only invited when it has been a serious relationship. Gauging by her recent decsion, this does not count as "serious" and besides, she she be understanding as to why you don't want to invite him. Don't be afraid to show your distaste for him, you are already doing a great job of supporting her considering what has happened between you and him!
HTH

backwerdsfish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_unwanted-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:071fbebe-7db7-41f9-a050-c8f0ed8d5fd8Post:0393c004-f4dd-4155-a5aa-c841672d7236">Unwanted Guest?</a>:
[QUOTE] This problem is probally trival, but I'm stressed! One of my bridesmaids has started seeing a guy we know, but can't stand. This guy has hit on everyone of the girls in our group, regardless if we are or were, married, dating, etc someone else. 
Posted by jody512[/QUOTE]

AWWWWW, it's always the unfortunate looking girls who think someone else's BF is hitting on them!  Get over yourself.  If you invite other friends with an "and guest" you really can't single her out and expect her to attend solo.  

psichick

since she's a BM then she should be invited with a +1, and you don't get to choose who that is. suck it up and deal with him for a day, you'll barely notice he's there anyway. and if he makes a scene, he'll be the one looking like a fool unless you let him turn you into one. ignore him and enjoy your day. this is really not worth stressing over.

duckie1905

Worry about this when it is time to send out invites.  If they are still dating in a few months I would count him as an SO and and say you have to invite him, regardless of how you feel about him.

LesaBear

You can't really stop her from bringing him as her guest. I would address the invitation to her plus one and discuss my concerns about him. That said, I doubt he'll cause too many problems on the actual wedding day. You'll have too much else going on.

When's the wedding? It may not last until then anyway.

calli0pe00

Good point LesaBear- if he really is the slime the OP says he his, it won't last very long.

HisCB

i agree wait until the last minute to decide, they might split, asking her not to bring him however might put a wrench in your friendship.

i disagree that you HAVE to invite him.

trix1223

Your wedding isn't until October.  Your invitations won't go out until August.  That's 6 months away.  IF she's still seeing him in 6 months, then yes, you have to invite him.

But why worry about something that may or may not be an issue 6 months from now.  It's not like you have to make a decision about this today.

Relax.

SarahPLiz

Ditto Trix. Hopefully this will have run its course by the time you need to send out invitations. Worrying about it now creates unneeded stress.

WHen it does come time for invitations, if they are still together then IMO he should be invited as her significant other because their relationship could be serious, or long term, depending on your definition of those things. If they are a social unit, then they should be invited together. Perhaps he will behave if he is so into her that he's been with her for months.

megk8oz

I think it's fine to not send him an invite ... but as a BM, your friend should get a +1 (Especially if she's involved with somebody), and you can't tell her who she can and can't bring.

Right now, just don't worry about it. If the guy is as awful as you say, the relationship will most likely fizzle before you even send out invites.

FWIW, our Best Man is engaged to the most God-awful girl  on the planet. He has actually missed a friend's wedding (Where he was supposed to be a GM) and almost missed our wedding because of her insane behavior.

She showed up at our wedding, in a bright blue prom dress, inserted herself into conversations she wasn't welcome in, and apparently told completely embarrassing, irrelevent stories all night. She danced like she was at a hippie love-in, and multiple guests actually asked us if she "was on drugs". Unfortunately, this behavior is not "out of character" for her. Needless to say, DH and I hate this girl, and hope to God something clicks with the Best Man before he actually marries her.

But, as awful as she was, she did not ruin my wedding. I barely saw her, aside from doing our table greetings, I pretty much didn't talk to her, and anybody who thought poorly of her behavior (So everybody except the Best Man, lol), thought poorly of her, not me. I was too busy being a happy little bride to notice or care about anything she said or did.

If this guy is a nightmare and comes to the wedding, he can only ruin your day if you allow him to. If you just focus on the good things: being married, having a great time, dancing with family and friends, etc (So the "important" things), then this guy could drive a bulldozer through your reception, and it'll barely phase you.

Blueyed228

If she is still dating him, then she may choose to bring him.  There really isnt anything you can do about it.  Unless he runs around naked hitting on granny, I doubt he will impact your wedding.

We dont get to chose who our friends date.  As a bridesmaid, she should get a plus one, and she gets to bring whoever she wants.  Its sucks when friends have loser boyfriends, but dont let it stress you out untill then.  Alot can happen by October.

megandjay

Ditto PPs. A lot can happen by October, just don't worry about this now. When the time comes to send out invites, then worry about it.

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_unwanted-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:071fbebe-7db7-41f9-a050-c8f0ed8d5fd8Post:9330b556-1974-4732-99be-dc9662bab66b">Re: Unwanted Guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Unwanted Guest? : AWWWWW, it's always the unfortunate looking girls who think someone else's BF is hitting on them!  Get over yourself.  If you invite other friends with an "and guest" you really can't single her out and expect her to attend solo.  
Posted by backwerdsfish[/QUOTE]

Actually, in my experience it's the "unfortunate looking girls" who have to call someone else unfortunate looking for no reason other than to make themselves feel better...but I'm SURE that's not what you were trying to do, was it?  I guess you're just lucky enough not to have ever been around a sleazy guy who hits on everyone.

ejoyce8

October is a long ways away. I would worry about it when the time comes. If the guy is as big of a loser and he seems to be, your friend might see it and drop him like the bad habit he is.
Gook Luck!