Kids at a shower?

OwningAHome1981

Did anyone have kids at their shower? I don't want kids at my shower and neither does my mom but my FMIL submitted a list of her guests that included 3 kids under the age of 7. I have never ever been to a shower where kids were invited- I don't want them there and I don't think a shower is a place for kids plus i can envision someone running into a punchbowl or something- stranger things have happened. My mom is paying for the shower so it's within our right to tell FMIL she can't invite those kids, right?

AddieCake

I have never been to a shower with kids, either, and I don't think I would want them at mine. It just doesn't seem like the place for kids. 

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:9ac9986c-ed59-4c1c-a392-bf2f4eb2b255">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would think kids would be bored out of their mind.  Is there any way your mom can ask your FMIL her reasoning for inviting kids? I mean,  is it possible that their moms wouldn't be able to attend or something?  That being said, I wouldn't want kids at my shower either though it would have nothing to do with them knocking over the punch bowl or anything like that.  
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Oh the reasons are more than just a punch bowl, lol. TBH, I just really don't care too much for children.

These kids are her nieces- I think there is someone who could watch them. I know she has not been to a shower in a while so perhaps she is not familiar with who is supposed to come. My mom is going to find out.

Katoners

Is it a family shower? Im assuming so since you said the children in question are her nieces. Perhaps children are invited to showers in FMILs family. I know with my family the children are always invited to showers so she may have just assumed they would be welcome based on her family dynamic.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:85d4425a-c5ac-4b91-9f54-401b8406de1c">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it a family shower? Im assuming so since you said the children in question are her nieces. Perhaps children are invited to showers in FMILs family. I know with my family the children are always invited to showers so she may have just assumed they would be welcome based on her family dynamic.
Posted by Katoners[/QUOTE]

It is not JUST a family shower.. my friends will be there as well as some of my mom's friends who have known me since I was a baby. There will obv be family but not ONLY family.

I would not want to come to a shower as a child, lol. Half the time adults are bored at them- I can only imagine a child sitting through that for 3-4 hours.

QueerFemme

I've been to plenty of showers with kids.  Most of those were co-ed wedding or baby showers though, so the families were included. 

If you don't like kids, then don't invite them. But, I don't think you really get a say at all, since you aren't the host.  If your MOM doesn't want kids, SHE can talk to your FMIL.   I recommned she just says to your FMIL "I'm paying, so you don't get a say".  That seems to be working out so well with everything else so far for your wedding.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:e4177823-fce3-49a2-8b1b-0a5d1aecfc4b">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at a shower? : CQTM.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

What's CQTM?

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:68deb7e3-0a8e-4ec8-9953-fce34cd8ad10">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to plenty of showers with kids.  Most of those were co-ed wedding or baby showers though, so the families were included.  If you don't like kids, then don't invite them. But, I don't think you really get a say at all, since you aren't the host.  If your MOM doesn't want kids, SHE can talk to your FMIL.   I recommned she just says to your FMIL "I'm paying, so you don't get a say".  That seems to be working out so well with everything else so far for your wedding.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Ok, if my FMIL insists the kids come, do we make her pay for them then? My mom isn't paying for kids and she certainly isn't paying for them for to have their own "kids food". It's  a brunch with alcohol... if they come, they will have to eat that or their moms will have to bring food for them.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:05131484-bccc-4905-8a06-8bbc68494a42">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at a shower? : Ok, if my FMIL insists the kids come, do we make her pay for them then? My mom isn't paying for kids and she certainly isn't paying for them for to have their own "kids food". It's  a brunch with alcohol... if they come, they will have to eat that or their moms will have to bring food for them.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Your mother is hosting. If she agrees to having the children, she pays for them.  You or your mother clearly asked your FMIL for a guest list.  She gave you one.  Why would you even suggest that now she has to pay for the guests she included?

Geezis H. Christ on a cracker, haven't you ever planned a dinner party or hosted a gathering of any before?  You are SO caught up in who is paying for stuff, you seemed to have lost all sense of couth and courtesy.  Your MOTHER is the host.  If she didn't want to include anyone from FMIL's list, she shouldn't have asked for a list.  If you are having a NO KIDS shower, then tell your FMIL that the shower is NO KIDS ALLOWED and you are sorry that you didn't convey that when you originally asked for the list.

misshart00

So is it that you don't want kids there or is it the money aspect? Just tell her your mom isn't inviting children to the shower. Or ask your mom to invite the kids if you want them there. Except she might pull funding.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:5f60a521-db51-404b-be14-4167cb9b6720">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at a shower? : Your mother is hosting. If she agrees to having the children, she pays for them.  You or your mother clearly asked your FMIL for a guest list.  She gave you one.  Why would you even suggest that now she has to pay for the guests she included? Geezis H. Christ on a cracker, haven't you ever planned a dinner party or hosted a gathering of any before?  You are SO caught up in who is paying for stuff, you seemed to have lost all sense of couth and courtesy.  Your MOTHER is the host.  If she didn't want to include anyone from FMIL's list, she shouldn't have asked for a list.  If you are having a NO KIDS shower, then tell your FMIL that the shower is NO KIDS ALLOWED and you are sorry that you didn't convey that when you originally asked for the list.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

We thought she'd know better to exclude kids. Who invites kids to a shower? That's really odd IMO and she knows I didn't want kids at the wedding- why would I want them @ the shower? We prob should have conveyed that but we didnt think we needed to.

No my mom has no problem inviting her guests, that's why she asked for a list. She does have a problem with kids being there.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:a3a4eaaa-1076-4f63-8451-2ff9b6197f91">Re:Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]So is it that you don't want kids there or is it the money aspect? Just tell her your mom isn't inviting children to the shower. Or ask your mom to invite the kids if you want them there. Except she might pull funding.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

it's not that my mom can't afford to pay for the children, we just both do not want them there.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:1e518b87-8159-417d-a6ae-64d5e14176c1">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at a shower? : We thought she'd know better to exclude kids. Who invites kids to a shower? That's really odd IMO and she knows I didn't want kids at the wedding- why would I want them @ the shower? We prob should have conveyed that but we didnt think we needed to. No my mom has no problem inviting her guests, that's why she asked for a list. She does have a problem with kids being there.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

First of all, LOTS of people invite kids to showers.  Many familes include kids as... you know, part of the actual family.  So, if everyone else in the family is being invited, then the kids get invited also.  That doesn't mean you HAVE to include children, but you might want to take off your judgy pants about it being weird or odd.  It's not your style or preference, and that's fine, but you shouldn't assume that everyone should or does do it your way.

But, moving forward, you should have your MOM, as the HOST, call your FMIL and apologize that she neglected to convey that this is an adult only shower. 

Your proposed solution to making FMIL pay for the kids is totaly rude.  You either include the kids, or you don't.  But, you don't say "well, we'll include the little brats, but only if you pay for them".  

misshart00

In Response to Re:Kids at a shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Kids at a shower?:So is it that you don't want kids there or is it the money aspect? Just tell her your mom isn't inviting children to the shower. Or ask your mom to invite the kids if you want them there. Except she might pull funding.Posted by misshart00it's not that my mom can't afford to pay for the children, we just both do not want them there. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Then why even bring up that they can come as long as FMIL pays for them?

lyndausvi

I was invited to showers as a kid.    For some reason we thought it was fun to help pick up the trash and carry the gifts to the table and such.     Later my sister and I figured out that we might have been invited as free labor?     Just kidding.    My family always had alcohol at events so I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.


To answer your question,  no I don't find it completely unusual to have kids at the shower.  However, if you don't want them, just like FMIL.  It's not really a big deal.


ETA - I had a 6, 10, 10 and 14 year at my shower.

courtski2004

If you don't want them there and your mother didn't clarify when asking for the list that you were not inviting children, can she just call you FMIL and tell her this? NBD.

melissanjoe21

I have two girls and two teenage nieces and I couldn't imagine them not being at my shower.

bacholrette party that is another thing

bunni727

Children have attended all of the showers I've attended. There were almost ten at the one I attended Saturday. Sure, they get rowdy and obnoxious, but, at least around here, having their mothers there is more important than having a quiet room.

Your FMIL had no way of knowing not to list kids, if no one told her. The host should call her, apologize for the misunderstanding, and let her know kids are not welcome.

MrsGandthebeag

I'm with the OP thinking it's very odd to have kids at a shower.  I've been to a crap load of them and the most recent baby shower I went to was the only shower (wedding or baby) that I've ever seen a kid at.  There were 2 girls, one 5 and one 9 and they were bored out of their f'ing minds.  They were well behaved but just kept saying how bored they were.  Just tell your mom to tell FMIL there is a no kids policy.  Sorry for the confusion.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Kids at a shower?:[QUOTE]If you don't want them there and your mother didn't clarify when asking for the list that you were not inviting children, can she just call you FMIL and tell her this? NBD. Posted by courtski2004[/QUOTE]

Yeah she will... I was just writing the original post to see if most brides had kids at their shower bc i have never seen it. And if we didnt want them since my mom is paying do we have a right to say no?

My mom is gonna mention it to her. Thanks for input.

Summer2011Bride

There were children at one of my showers. Nothing was broken, ripped, or knocked over. Not saying you HAVE to have children at your shower but to automatically assume all hell will break loose is a bit of an exagerration. Not all children misbehave when out in public.

Your mom needs to talk to FMIL since your mom is the host. If you didn't want kids, I do think your mom should have specified it was adults-only to begin with, but she can try to bring it up now. It shouldn't come from you IMO, as you are not hosting.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Kids at a shower?:[QUOTE]There were children at one of my showers. Nothing was broken, ripped, or knocked over. Not saying you HAVE to have children at your shower but to automatically assume all hell will break loose is a bit of an exagerration. Not all children misbehave when out in public.Your mom needs to talk to FMIL since your mom is the host. If you didn't want kids, I do think your mom should have specified it was adultsonly to begin with, but she can try to bring it up now. It shouldn't come from you IMO, as you are not hosting. Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

True but these kids are not that wellbehaved. The 1 and 3 year old are very cranky. The 7 year old may be able to sit still for a bit.

libby2483

There were children at my shower, ages 4, 6, and 11.  My mom had some crayons and coloring pages for the little kids.  They also helped me throw away wrapping paper and handed me presents.  They loved it.  Nothing was broken, and they weren't bored.  

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:65e6cc5d-d166-4892-9393-65ae2873d2c3">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never been to a shower with kids, either, and I don't think I would want them at mine. It just doesn't seem like the place for kids. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]]

Ditto

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:e9b08150-bd97-4df1-8f2b-55e46bdf8f90">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geezis H. Christ on a cracker, CMG, could you please not post that?  It's very, very offensive.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry Retread.  I didn't mean any offense by it. It's a common phrase in my circle. I'll make sure not to use it here going forward.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:b4f82dab-d0df-4b0b-9284-a0aa9cee2792">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with the OP thinking it's very odd to have kids at a shower.  I've been to a crap load of them and the most recent baby shower I went to was the only shower (wedding or baby) that I've ever seen a kid at.  There were 2 girls, one 5 and one 9 and they were bored out of their f'ing minds.  They were well behaved but just kept saying how bored they were.  Just tell your mom to tell FMIL there is a no kids policy.  Sorry for the confusion.
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking no kids at showers must be a north east thing.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:a219dc99-b588-4e7f-b274-5c7a3a818083">Re: Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at a shower? : I'm thinking no kids at showers must be a north east thing.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

I think it is.  There were always kids at wedding and baby showers in Ohio.

courtski2004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_kids-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07c92359-a358-48e8-8b78-4411376056d2Post:9faebb09-cba6-4ef0-aa64-8053dfd18ac9">Re:Kids at a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Kids at a shower?: Yeah she will... I was just writing the original post to see if most brides had kids at their shower bc i have never seen it. And if we didnt want them since my mom is paying <strong>do we have a right to say no</strong>? My mom is gonna mention it to her. Thanks for input.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Yes. If it is your preference to not have unruly children present and your mom feels the same way, then by all means.

People will go both ways on this, but if the overwhelming response was 'yes, kids came and behaved very well', would that have changed your mind in any way? You obviously know the parents of these kids and know that they are not always on their best behavior, so I guess I just don't get it.
There were no children invited to my shower, and yes, I think it is odd. Baby shower? Sure, bring the kiddos.

znd13

Every shower I have been too, the girls are always invited. They are never bored, and nothing ever gets broken. :-) When I could go to them as a child, I was always in awe at the bride and thought it was awesome to be a part of a 'grown up' afair. :-)
But if you personally don't want them there, then it's perfectly fine. :-)

pegasuskat

I am from MI and live in TN, and have never been to any shower that kids were NOT invited to, and I don't recall ever seeing a punch bowl knocked over or a gift broken.  It must be a regional thing.  But around those 2 areas most weddings are not kid free either.