Chit Chat

Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!

I've been told a very long time ago (before I got engage, 10 years prior to meeting m husband now), that "weddings can make or break a friendship!"

My best friend of 20 years (since we were 7), was a NO SHOW!!!

Prior to the wedding (2 months), My Fiance (now husband) and I, moved to KY.  So, all wedding arrangements needed to be done long distance (VA).  It was hard to get my maid of honor to be on the same page and help me with things without being called a bridezilla!  So, I gave up on asking her for help and relied on my sisters (matron of honor and bridesmaid) for anything that needed to be followed up on.  (Did I mention, for 2 months she does not call me to ask how I was doing, how my soon to be husband is, and our conversations (when I called) were always short!)

Finally, It was the weekend of my bachelorette party (weekend before the wedding), I had to plan my own party!  She did not communicate with any of my guests or bridesmaids as to what was the game plan.  We did have an original game plan, but she changed her mind because "she" did not like the location. 

Later that night, she had posted on facebook, "waiting for this week to pass, so I can cut things off."  I know this was referring to me so, to retaliate to it, I clicked on the liked button and comment "me too."  Guess what she does after that, she deletes and blocks me from her facebook friend!  I tried calling her that night four times and she declined all of my calls.  I then text her and said "If your post was referring to me, wait no longer.  You ended our friendship when you deleted me!"

The next day, she text message me and said "sorry things had to come to an end like this.  We may never be friends again, but can we keep this from my family and yours, so I don't get questions.  And honestly, I plan to still come to your wedding only as a guest and be seated with my famiyl."  Can you believe this girl.  I decided not to respond to her text.  I was thinking maybe she would realize how long we have been friends for, for something like this to come between our friendship!  I was hoping that she would call or show up and make that move to show me that she values our friendship and wants to continue being friends! 

She did not show for the wedding ceremony!

To make things worst, she comes to the reception, walks through my receiving line and did not greet me nor my husband (unbelievable)!  Throughout the whole night, I can see that she was trying to provoke me by flirting with my step son and brother in law!  She stayed til the very end of the night, when it was me, my husband, and the remaining 5 guest exiting the door. 

Her and I, will NEVER be friends agian!  I do wish that she can find happiness in her life, so she can be happy for others!


Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!

  • Prior to the wedding (2 months), My Fiance (now husband) and I, moved to KY.  So, all wedding arrangements needed to be done long distance (VA).  It was hard to get my maid of honor to be on the same page and help me with things without being called a bridezilla!  So, I gave up on asking her for help and relied on my sisters (matron of honor and bridesmaid) for anything that needed to be followed up on.  (Did I mention, for 2 months she does not call me to ask how I was doing, how my soon to be husband is, and our conversations (when I called) were always short!)

    Planning the wedding, especially when you are out of state and want someone else to make wedding arrangements for you, is not her job, nor anyone else's except you and your then-FI.  Did you give up on trying to get help from her after harassing her repeatedly about it?  And in that two month time period in which she did not call you to ask how you were doing etc, did you call her and ask how she was doing, without mentioning the wedding?  Were the conversations short because you were all "Wedding wedding wedding!!!"?  Because, frankly, that's how you're coming across here.



  • It sounds like you were using her. Just because she was your MOH doesn't mean she needed to help plan your wedding. I think the passive-aggressive FB status was immature but I think you responding to it was immature as well. Its sad you lost a friend over a wedding.


  • First off, it wasn't her duty to handle those arrangements for you. 

    Her status and your retaliation were as beth said, immature. You clearly made the decision the second you hit that button that you wanted the friendship to end. Its sad to lose a friendship in this manner. Friendship is a two way street and that means you both need to work at it to maintain it. You mentioned that she never asked how you were or your FI but did you even ask how her life way going without any mention of wedding stuff in the conversation? Did you ever consider that there something she was trying to deal with at the time that she couldn't handle all the calls you were making in regards to the wedding.
    imageAnniversary
  • How old are you?  I mean... seriously?  Facebook "liking" statuses, then deleting of friends, etc - good god. 

    Weddings don't make or break friendships.  PEOPLE do.  People with unrealistic expectations, more specifically. 
  • Yet another reason why I am glad I don't have a FB page.

    It does sound like you were in the wrong and were just using her. My husband and I planned an out of state wedding. We live in GA, wedding and all of our family was in OH. It was not easy, but we did it. My sister was my MOH and she is very busy and in college, so I didn't ask her to do much if anything at all.

    We were fortunate to go home several times and had a lot of things squared away before we moved, but still, I think you were being a bridezilla in asking her to do things for you bc she was there.

    I am sorry it ended this way, but weddings can bring out the best and worst in people depending on how they are handled.
  • I feel like there's a lot to this story we are missing here. If you really care about the friendship, just come right out and ask her why she feels the way she does. If not, then just let it go.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2010
    Yup, turning into a total bridezilla, expecting your WP to plan your wedding, throwing your own bachelorette party, will end friendships.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:ff6259ed-17d5-42b8-94be-ce279d88a68b">Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been told a very long time ago (before I got engage, 10 years prior to meeting m husband now), that "weddings can make or break a friendship!" My best friend of 20 years (since we were 7), was a NO SHOW!!! Prior to the wedding (2 months), My Fiance (now husband) and I, moved to KY.  So, all wedding arrangements needed to be done long distance (VA).  It was hard to get my maid of honor to be on the same page and help me with things without being called a bridezilla!  So, I gave up on asking her for help and relied on my sisters (matron of honor and bridesmaid) for anything that needed to be followed up on.  (Did I mention, for 2 months she does not call me to ask how I was doing, how my soon to be husband is, and our conversations (when I called) were always short!) Finally, It was the weekend of my bachelorette party (weekend before the wedding), I had to plan my own party!  She did not communicate with any of my guests or bridesmaids as to what was the game plan.  We did have an original game plan, but she changed her mind because "she" did not like the location.  Later that night, she had posted on facebook, "waiting for this week to pass, so I can cut things off."  I know this was referring to me so, to retaliate to it, I clicked on the liked button and comment "me too."  Guess what she does after that, she deletes and blocks me from her facebook friend!  I tried calling her that night four times and she declined all of my calls.  I then text her and said "If your post was referring to me, wait no longer.  You ended our friendship when you deleted me!" The next day, she text message me and said "sorry things had to come to an end like this.  We may never be friends again, but can we keep this from my family and yours, so I don't get questions.  And honestly, I plan to still come to your wedding only as a guest and be seated with my famiyl."  Can you believe this girl.  I decided not to respond to her text.  I was thinking maybe she would realize how long we have been friends for, for something like this to come between our friendship!  I was hoping that she would call or show up and make that move to show me that she values our friendship and wants to continue being friends!  She did not show for the wedding ceremony! To make things worst, she comes to the reception, walks through my receiving line and did not greet me nor my husband (unbelievable)!  Throughout the whole night, I can see that she was trying to provoke me by flirting with my step son and brother in law!  She stayed til the very end of the night, when it was me, my husband, and the remaining 5 guest exiting the door.  Her and I, will NEVER be friends agian!  I do wish that she can find happiness in her life, so she can be happy for others!
    Posted by ladykry[/QUOTE]
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!:
    I've been told a very long time ago (before I got engage, 10 years prior to meeting m husband now), that "weddings can make or break a friendship!"
    It's not the wedding that does this, it's people (Usually a bridezilla).

    So, all wedding arrangements needed to be done long distance (VA).  It was hard to get my maid of honor to be on the same page and help me with things without being called a bridezilla! 
    Your wedding party does not have any job except walk down the aisle and stand there with you.  This sounds like you were expecting her to be a wedding coordinator, which is something people get paid a pretty penny to do.

    (Did I mention, for 2 months she does not call me to ask how I was doing, how my soon to be husband is, and our conversations (when I called) were always short!)
    Were any of the calls about anything other than your wedding and what you expected her to do next?  Ever ask about what was going on in her life? (and if you did, did you really care or did you jump into wedding talk and you, you, you as soon as you could?

    Finally, It was the weekend of my bachelorette party (weekend before the wedding), I had to plan my own party! 
    You should have had nothing to do with this.  Plenty of brides have happily made it down the aisle without showers or B-parties along the way.  This is something friends throw because they want to do so, not because you require it.

    She did not communicate with any of my guests or bridesmaids as to what was the game plan.  We did have an original game plan, but she changed her mind because "she" did not like the location. 
    She's the one hosting, she gets to pick.  Again, does not concern you.

    Later that night, she had posted on facebook, "waiting for this week to pass, so I can cut things off."  I know this was referring to me so, to retaliate to it, I clicked on the liked button and comment "me too."  Guess what she does after that, she deletes and blocks me from her facebook friend!  I tried calling her that night four times and she declined all of my calls.  I then text her and said "If your post was referring to me, wait no longer.  You ended our friendship when you deleted me!"
    Are you effin kidding me??? My 13 year old niece is more mature than this - on both of your parts.

    The next day, she text message me and said "sorry things had to come to an end like this.  We may never be friends again, but can we keep this from my family and yours, so I don't get questions. 
    I feel safe in saying there is something you are not telling us.

    I was hoping that she would call or show up and make that move to show me that she values our friendship and wants to continue being friends! 
    If you really cared that much, what was stopping you from reaching out to her?

    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:e405acd5-7309-4612-8805-f3b0241639ef">Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like you were using her. Just because she was your MOH doesn't mean she needed to help plan your wedding. I think the passive-aggressive FB status was immature but I think you responding to it was immature as well. Its sad you lost a friend over a wedding.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    This.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:f4c37169-118f-44f4-935b-2d4d93dec919">Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um... okay.
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited October 2010
    This is what happens when you think your friends become free planners for your wedding. Yes, your friends should be happy & excited for you. They may even help you plan a little. But unfortunately the only time you get to be mad at someone if they fail to do something for your wedding is when you had a contract & paid them for services you never received.

    You both were/ are in the wrong. Say sorry & try to fix as much as you can.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:ff6259ed-17d5-42b8-94be-ce279d88a68b">Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE] (Did I mention, for 2 months she does not call me to ask how I was doing, how my soon to be husband is, and our conversations (when I called) were always short!) Posted by ladykry[/QUOTE]

    You should really see a doctor about your memory problem. You'd only written two paragraphs and you couldn't even remember if you'd mentioned her not calling you for two months.
  • Grow up. Facebook? Get real.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
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  • Yup, acting like bratty 12-year-olds can really make or break a friendship.

    I think it's exactly this sort of blame displacement syndrome that is the problem with our society today.  You can try to say it was the wedding, it was the friend, it was Facebook, it was the phases of the moon, whatever, but the bottom line is, YOU screwed things up here, and until you can be honest with yourself and own up to that, you're going to continue to piss off and alienate people, and then wonder why no one likes you.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • You KNOW that status was referring to you? For all you know, it was referring to a break up and she didn't want to do it before your wedding because it might distract from you. Obviously, I made that up, but it's just as valid an assumption as your was. I mean that's what happens when you don't even try to figure things out.
  • Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, you put your wedding before the friendship, and that she was hurt that you felt a party was more important than treating her with some dignity and respect? Just taking a stab in the dark here.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • If you couldn't manage your own wedding plans, you should have scaled back. The reason your friendship is over is because you placed unreasonable demands on your friend. Neither of you were mature enough to call the other and have a discussion about the situation, so you had it out on facebook. Is that the way you want to end a 20 year friendship?
                       
  • As previously mentioned, people make or break friendships..not weddings. I hope you guys can mend this long friendship.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:f4c37169-118f-44f4-935b-2d4d93dec919">Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um... okay.
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


    You know what I love?  When I think something and then you say it for me.  : )
  • With people this immature running around getting married, is it any wonder the divorce rate is high?

    Please at least wait until you grow up a little to start having kids.  Parents with your maturity level is where Jersey Shore comes from.  
  • I do agree with PP about pretty much everything.

    Although, I do find it really rude that she would skip the ceremony, then show up to the reception. And not only did she stay all that time, but she didn't speak to you? My question is.. Did you approach her during the reception, and say hello?
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  • that is happening to me to. i feel like i am loosing all of my friends because i am getting married. Like my best friend of 12 years is refusing to come, but yet he wants a video of the wedding.. HEK NO!  Then my other friends wont talk to me  like its seems like they are jealous or something i dont know.. it seems stupid but i have made alot more friends and they are excited for me!!! LOL i say once you get married you only friend will be your husband/ wife!! i love my soon to be husband!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:c023b139-a3e6-49cf-b432-2295b4dc79b8">Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]that is happening to me to. i feel like i am loosing all of my friends because i am getting married. Like my best friend of 12 years is refusing to come, but yet he wants a video of the wedding.. HEK NO!  Then my other friends wont talk to me  like its seems like they are jealous or something i dont know.. it seems stupid but i have made alot more friends and they are excited for me!!! LOL <strong>i say once you get married you only friend will be your husband/ wife!! i love my soon to be husband!!!</strong>
    Posted by annherle[/QUOTE]

    If my husband was my only friend, then I'd be a very very very very sad banana.
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-can-break-friendship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a777d49-0927-42e0-8534-1804446498e8Post:c023b139-a3e6-49cf-b432-2295b4dc79b8">Re: Weddings can MAKE or BREAK your friendship!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]that is happening to me to. <strong>i feel like i am loosing all of my friends because i am getting married.</strong> Like my best friend of 12 years is refusing to come, but yet he wants a video of the wedding.. HEK NO!  Then my other friends wont talk to me  like its seems like they are jealous or something i dont know.. it seems stupid but i have made alot more friends and they are excited for me!!! LOL i say<strong> once you get married you only friend will be your husband/ wife!! i love my soon to be husband!!!</strong>
    Posted by annherle[/QUOTE]

    Um ... I've been married almost a year, and for the most part, both DH and I still have great relationships with <strong>all</strong> of the friends we had prior to the wedding.

    Clearly, I did something horribly wrong here ... does this mean I get a "do-over"?

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • A friendshiip (especially one of 20 yrs) is like any other relationship. You need to work at it and be able to let things go. Regardless of how "right" you think you are or how "right" she is one of you just needs to let it go, say sorry and move on! One of you needs to GROW UP

    I would never ruin my friendship with my MOH (she happens to be my longest friend... 10 years) over my wedding. A wedding regardless of how stressful and wonderful it is only lasts one day... a friendship can seriously last a lifetime...
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