Something Different and Unique

Lotzfun2

Greetings!

I'm looking for 2 things 1)Unity Ceremony 2)Ways to honor loved ones that have passed.

My fiance and I are not into doing the usual things so doing the unity candle or the sand ceremony, although nice, are not for us.  I have heard of planting a tree or a wine ceremony but I'm curious if anyone else has any fun creative ideas for a unity ceremony.  I also have a son and daughter that we'd like to have take part in the unity ceremony as well.


Also- I lost both my parents early in life and my finace' lost his father when he was very little.  I know the usual thing is "flowers in memory of" but again we are looking to do something different.  I was thinking of having 3 roses in my boquet that I could easily pull out and place on each the empty chairs (chairs they would have sat in if they were with us here on earth).  My fiance and I like the idea and some family members do too but other say it is morbid and takes from the happiness of the day (I see their point).

Thanks everyone and I look forward to your advice!

kmmssg

Agree with CMG to keep memorials private.  My dad died when I was 3, my mom when I was 10.  I married DH when I was 36.  Prior to the ceremony I had a rose put where each of them would have been sitting.  WAY too public.....for me!  No one really thought much of it because it was done during set up but when I went to retrieve those flowers (after the ceremon) to give to 2 of my siblings I lost it.  Totally out of the blue.  My brothers were great about it, but in hindsite I wish I hadn't blindsided them like that.  They didn't cry, but I sure did.

I do think pulling flowers out of your bouquet in the middle of things will cast a HUGE morbid shadow over things.

Do you have a piece of jewelry of your mom's that you could put inside your dress or tie on your bouquet?  A locket with your parents pics in them tied to your flowers would be cool and private.

Did your FI's dad have any jewelry FI could use on your wedding day.

Please, please, please - do this privately.  26 years after I lost my mom I cried like a baby and never expected that to  happen to me.  It could blindside a relative on either side of your families.  Private is the way to go.

lostmykeys

I'm going to disagree with the others.  I went to a wedding last year where pictures of relatives that had passed away that mean't a great deal to the bride and groom were up front on tables.  My daughter and I liked the idea so much that at her wedding a few weeks ago, we had a picture of my Mother and her Uncle up front.  Several people there told us how touching it was to have the pictures there as a tribute to their memory.   Of course, every family is different.

jmsoper86

I agree with lostmykeys, my FI lost his dad a couple years ago, and I lost my Grandpa. We are planning to get a large round candle with two wicks, the candle with say "In memory of those who can not be with us on this joyous day" and we will have pics of them aside the candle.

Gabrielle76

I agree that public memorial displays at weddings are a little morbid.  Additionally, you don't know how other people will react to them.  Additionally, you can't be sure how they will hit others who see them, specifically if they were close to the deceased. Maybe instead you could have three flowers of a different color in your bouquet, which could remind you privately of your loved ones?

As for a less common bonding ceremony, maybe something like a salt covenant? It dates back from ancient times, and is pretty neat.  A hand binding ceremony like CMGr described would be beautiful as well.  As for having your children involved in the ceremony, I honestly believe that it would be a little inappropriate. Marriage vows are a contract between two adults, children shouldn't be asked to participate.

Lizzieyounce

I think it may be a bit much.  I am honoring my grandparents and an aunt I was very close to, by carrying their pictures in lockets on my bouquet. One of the lockets (and the pictures within) was worn by my grandmother while my grand dad was off fighting in WWII.  It's the same locket and everything...my mom gave it to me recently. 

Cackle6

We did 2 memorial candles in honor of my aunt and grandparents and his grandparents. Our mothers lit them during the processional. We put a note about it in the program, and I know that both our families really appreciated it.

For our unity ceremony, we did a "Toast to Love." Instead of mixing sand or water, we mixed a cocktail. We used glass vials and a really nice decanter and pretty drinking glass, and we each took a sip after it was all mixed. If you're having a religious ceremony, it's probably not an option, but it worked great for our secular ceremony. It fit our personalities perfectly, and we got a lot of compliments on it.

Pictures of our unity ceremony set up:

Shifsgirl

I'm going to put it like this, if you want to remember your loved ones on your special day GO FOR IT! It means a great deal to lose someone you loved dearly and if placing flowers in bouquets or on chairs make them feel a little closer, then who are we to tell you what is apropos? I have been to several weddings, whether it's been for close family members, mayors and friends that have done all the above! Everyone always talked about how fitting it was and how thoughtful it was to embrace the feeling of them being a part of your day! 

As far as the Unity portion, you could do the sand, you could do the wine (this is my second time ever hearing about that, lol), you could have a soloist come and sing a song as you both get covered in a drape, you could both combine two different vases of colored water (matching your wedding colors). There is a lot out there! 

HTH and do what is best for you and your soon to be husband! God bless!

tlal1026

I have bought a very small picture frame that you can put a ribbon through. My florist will tie that on my bouquet with a picture of my parents. For me I will have them both with me walking me down the aisle. You need to do what is best for you and not worry about what anyone else will think. 

L&J2012

We did a handfasting for our unity ceremony. Both of us lost grandfathers last year, so for the seating of the grandmothers both grandmothers, wives of the deceased grandfathers, carried a white rose to symbolize their husbands and put the roses in a vase on the altar table. No sign, no public announcement, but the grandmothers knew what they were for and they really appreciated it.

monie79

My FH had asked to have a table reserved for our relatives that had passed but like many of you thought this would dampen the happiness of the day. Our compromise will be photographs displayed on a mantal at our reception along with a candle and a few words penned by me about our loved ones watching on from heaven on our special day. How you chose to honour a loved one is such a personal thing and you can only do what feels right to both you and your FH. Best of luck.

NOLAbridealmost

I love cocktails as much as the next guy, but I am sorry....cocktail "unity" ceremonies are just tacky.  I don't care how nice the glassware is or how well done the explanation is; it's just ridiculous.

shine882007

I'll be carrying a picture of my grandmother in a picture frame bouquet charm.  

We aren't decided on what to do about FI's grandfather who recently passed, though.  

prw7172

I agree that "unique" isn't the most imporant thing about a unity ceremony, but as someone who also doesn't want to do a candle or sand, I understand wanting to find something that feels meaningful to you.
 I was thinking of doing a rose ceremony (link http://weddings.usabride.com/wedding-planning-advice/the-rose-ceremony ) 


Honoring lost loved ones is a bittersweet thing.
I agree with those who said "do what is best for you as a couple"
I do not feel it is morbid or that it will ruin the joy.

An overt public display such as reserving chairs may cause you to lose it. It will be difficult to not have your parents there, and even if you are not a cryer, please consider how you may react for your own sake. It can remind you of how painful it is to have lost them and it can be easy to be overwhelmed by that.

However, I don't think you need something totally private to accomodate other guests. You're not ashamed of your parents and it's no secret that you wish they could be here, so I don't see why you would need to hide the fact that you want to honor and remember them.

I was in a wedding where the officiant, after the opening prayer, had a moment of silence/silent prayer type thing and said that it was to honor/remember all those loved ones who could not be here with us today. The couple had it put in because the grooms mother had passed away.  The moment was very solemn, but not morbid in my opinion, the phrasing could even apply to out of town guests really. 
But it enabled them to ackowledge the loss publicly while still being able to move past it and focus on the happier bits, since there wasn't a physical item to get stuck on and it worked well for that couple.

But again, choose whatever works for you as a couple.