How Involved Are Your FIs in the Wedding Planning Process?

perfectisboring

Hi all!

Not sure if I should post this here, but I was wondering about how your partners are handling the wedding planning process?

Originally, I was under the impression that FIs weren't particularly interested in wedding planning. My partner said "it's all up to you", so I didn't really think he wanted to be involved.

When we gave our notice to marry, we were shown all of the available rooms in the council house - and he seemed really excited. He memorized all the names of the rooms and was very gung-ho about one in particular. He even started throwing around ideas about what colour suit he should wear (after previously pleading with me to let him wear jeans haha).

So, how involved are your FIs when it comes to wedding planning? Are they enjoying it? Do they have strong opinions? Or are they leaving the decision-making up to you?

ohmrs2014

My FI is very involved.  I did all the major research for everything in terms of specific vendors and venues because his work schedule is hectic and he can work 12 hour days along with traveling.  When it came time to make decisions, he was very involved.  He said that this is a process that we should both enjoy.  I love that he is involved.  So far we are on the same page with everything, with the exception that I want a videographer and he doesn't feel the need to spend that much money (he is in the business so he feels that with what you get we are being overcharged).

lyndausvi

DH was involved in the food, booze, music and candy buffet.  

He didn't care about the rest or so he said.  I did a ton of research and would pick 3 options for him to approve.   Apparently he did have an opinion because sometimes he didn't like any of the choices.  He just didn't like doing the research. 

radleyboo

I think you'll have answers all over the board on this one.  FI has been fairly involved on some things such as the location of the wedding and reception, the cupcakes, food, bar, etc.  He also helped pick the invitations.  He left the flowers and bridal party attire largely to me.  I enjoy working with him on 'wedding stuff', he has great taste and we work well together. 

Knottie_22382144

He seems to want very specific things, but would like to not do them himself. He also doesn't quite want my mother to do them. Since I am not doing them, he'll have to accept that she is our planner!

Knottie_22382144

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-involved-are-your-fis-in-the-wedding-planning-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b797867-e0cd-4800-979c-54f2e69dcd6bPost:77d13c92-91d0-4dd3-af7e-138fc1997be9">Re: How Involved Are Your FIs in the Wedding Planning Process?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH was involved in the food, booze, music and candy buffet.   He didn't care about the rest or so he said.  I did a ton of research and would pick 3 options for him to approve.   Apparently he did have an opinion because sometimes he didn't like any of the choices.  He just didn't like doing the research. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Sounds like my guy! They want a say but no actual work.

jaenella

My FI has been involved in most of the big decisions... church, venue, caterer,  timing; he's the organizational force in our wedding with spreadsheet creation, receipt gathering etc. He's not as involved in things like flowers, cake etc but he's happy to give an opinion if I ask him about it, he just doesn't want to be involved in all the background research!

SlothGoals

My FI is as involved as he wants to be. I've done all the research on venue, photographer, dj, and decor and when it came time to make decisions we sat down together/went to appointments together and made our choices.

I designed our invitations and when I showed them to him he asked if he could change the floral detail on them and so he chose one he liked better.

When we went to book our decor lady he told me to do whatever and choose what I wanted, but when he saw all the choices he made his opinion known (turns out he has VERY strong opinions about chair covers, hahaha).

Basically I'm choosing what I want for most things, running it by him, and if we differ in opinion then we sit down and compromise.

AJuliaNJ

He's been very involved. He really cares about every detail, even more so than me. We've selected all of our vendors together aside from dress, hair, and make-up related stuff. I do most of the research (or sometimes our planner does when she feels like working), and bring my favorites back to him. We've been on the same page for all of them. We have a very similar vision for the day. Sometimes, I'll try to say, "let's pick this less expensive vendor," but in the end, we always end up with the one we really want.

Peledreamsofrain

My poor H is married to a bossy type A lady.  At one point he was excited because he got to measure ribbons.  I think that's all he was allowed to physically help with :P.

I did go out of my way to make sure he got to make decisions (it was his wedding too).  So the cake was mostly his decision, the food, the music, songs we danced to, etc.

Sierra524

My FI is involved in some things. He wanted to be involved in deciding on the church, reception hall, menu, tuxes, cake & music. He could care less about the decorations, the favors, the cardbox...pretty much all the small stuff.

[Deleted User]

FI is very involved in the planning process. He picked the venue, along with where the first look, ceremony, and reception are to take place. I picked the caterer but made sure FI got his steak and mashed potatoes which he loved at the tasting. I wanted to have a string quartet for the ceremony, which he wasn't too keen on, so he got to pick our first dance song. He's picking out his own tuxedo as well as the GMs. The only aspect of the wedding he isn't helping with is my dress and the flowers. He specifically requested a type of flower that's not in bloom during fall so he handed the reigns over to me.

AddieCake

The only thing my husband cared about was the cake flavor and having Star Wars music for our recessional.

crystaldbl

Some things FI could care less about and others he is really set on. He wants a square cake. We agreed on the venue. He could care less about the flowers, colors, invites, etc. He was extremely excited that he gets to walk down the aisle. When I decided how I was walking down the aisle he actually told me that was perfect because it fulfilled his dream of walking down the aisle. I laughed so hard when he told me that.

Knottie_22382102

Originally, FI said "I'll plan the DJ, you can pick everything else, whatever you want". Well, II've learned to ask his opinion anyway and of course, he has an opinion about everything.

I do all the research. I found the venues to consider and narrowed it down. We picked the one we booked together. For colors and themes, cakes, favors and things,  I put together pinterest boards for him to look at... and he told me what he liked and didn't like. He actually found the inspiration photo for the cake we are going with..we picked the cake flavors together...and he will pick out the tuxes.

He didn't care about the flowers at all. I did all that. He didn't care about the invitations very much either.

Knottie_22382102

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-involved-are-your-fis-in-the-wedding-planning-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b797867-e0cd-4800-979c-54f2e69dcd6bPost:77d13c92-91d0-4dd3-af7e-138fc1997be9">Re: How Involved Are Your FIs in the Wedding Planning Process?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH was involved in the food, booze, music and candy buffet.   He didn't care about the rest or so he said.  I did a ton of research and would pick 3 options for him to approve.   Apparently he did have an opinion because sometimes he didn't like any of the choices.  He just didn't like doing the research. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]


They just want us to do all the work!

kipnus

We made the big decisions together--budget, top spending priorities, and vendor. For the smaller stuff, I did all of the legwork, and then got his approval before finalizing any details. He did the graphics for our table numbers:

nextrightthing

He cares about/wanted to be involved in the church, the flavor of the cake, the music, what he wears, the food, and the guest list.  Everything else he'd say "whatever makes you happy." 

I think there is a lot of variance in this.

BulgariHeart

Super involved. He was very excited to put the deposit down for our venue to secure the date, that was the first big thing he did at the beginning. We had a DW that we planned together 100% and paid for. Actually, H paid for more than half of it. Picking the music, the style of the cake and deciding on the menu was tons of fun, I still catch him playing the music I walked down the aisle to every now and then

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-involved-are-your-fis-in-the-wedding-planning-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b797867-e0cd-4800-979c-54f2e69dcd6bPost:77d13c92-91d0-4dd3-af7e-138fc1997be9">Re: How Involved Are Your FIs in the Wedding Planning Process?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH was involved in the food, booze, music and candy buffet.   He didn't care about the rest or so he said.  I did a ton of research and would pick 3 options for him to approve.   Apparently he did have an opinion because sometimes he didn't like any of the choices.  He just didn't like doing the research. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Haha, yep, pretty much this.

sweetdreamz6700

Very involved! He has a say/opinion in everything which is great. But at times I wanna kill him! LOL. He wanted to have the wedding cake be a surprise but finally let me in on the idea since it was a pretty big thing. And keeping w/ the theme....he has alll these opinions but its up to me to research everything.

Andama08

Same, my FI researched for the honeymoon and that was it. I do all the research and tell hi the pros and cons and he'll give his input. He really only cares about his attire and the reception music. He goes to appointments with me which I do appreciate even though I do of the talking.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-involved-are-your-fis-in-the-wedding-planning-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b797867-e0cd-4800-979c-54f2e69dcd6bPost:77d13c92-91d0-4dd3-af7e-138fc1997be9">Re: How Involved Are Your FIs in the Wedding Planning Process?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH was involved in the food, booze, music and candy buffet.   He didn't care about the rest or so he said.  I did a ton of research and would pick 3 options for him to approve.   Apparently he did have an opinion because sometimes he didn't like any of the choices.  He just didn't like doing the research. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Chipmunk415

Sorta involved.

We've just started the planning, and I've asked him his thoughts on ideas for location, indoor vs outdoor, etc. He responded that he wasn't really concerned, "do whatever I want," he just wanted me to tell him where to show up, what time, and what to wear (said he'd let me pick out his suit, haha).  (Side note: My fiancee is very uncomfortable with being the center of attention, he knows this is one day where we will be, and it's easier for him to not think as much about it and let me handle it)

I've since scoped out two places I'm really interested in, and he was interested enough to hear about them, what I think the pros and cons are of each location, etc. He's also now expressed an interest in attending a local bridal show with me (he perked up at free food and drink). He's pretty busy with school and work, but he trusts me to do the research, narrow down/weed out certain individuals and groups, and then talk about the top candidates with him.
 
I have a feeling as we get into this more, he'll get more interested/more involved with certain things (cake flavor, preference for meal options, dj vs live music) and less on others (flowers, cake design, centerpieces, girly stuff)

harper0813

My fiance's idea of involvement is saying "yes" or "no" when I throw out an idea and inviting people verbally so I have to add them to the guest list. He's eased up on this recently, thank goodness. He does not want to be involved in any of the choosing, crafting, envelope-licking, etc.