Honor a deceased parent

Elainepoyerd

My dad passed away over 10 years ago and we were extreamly close.  My mom has never moved on and is still grieving.  I would like to recognize my dad and involve my mom in that portion of the ceremony.  At the same time I don't want it to be asad occasion and take over the joy of celebrating my fiance and I starting our lives together.  We are having an outdoor wedding with a non-denomination officiant although my family is Catholic.

Any ideas are appreciated. Thanks!

renaelock

besides the officiant saying "lets take a moment and remember those..."  I've read where you can lay a white rose on an empty chair on your way up the isle.  That tatic is suppose to not bring out the emotions as much as the mentioning them one.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honor-deceased-parent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f4013d90-6b05-4bad-ad02-399439fcc5b9Post:88e794e4-54b3-4f4f-863f-b10549aaa3bc">Honor a deceased parent</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My dad passed away over 10 years ago</strong>and we were extreamly close.  <strong>My mom has never moved on and is still grieving</strong>.  I would like to recognize my dad and involve my mom in that portion of the ceremony.  At the same time I don't want it to be asad occasion and take over the joy of celebrating my fiance and I starting our lives together.  We are having an outdoor wedding with a non-denomination officiant although my family is Catholic. Any ideas are appreciated. Thanks!
Posted by Elainepoyerd[/QUOTE]

Stop.  Your heart is in the right place but the only person that you should be asking about this is your mother.  He was your father but clearly he was the love of her life. 

Imagine that you have lost your FI and find yourself going to someone's wedding and they've decided that you should take part in honoring his memory at their ceremony.  Seriously stop and think about this.  You are already at a wedding that is supposed to be a joyous occasion and you are already thinking about your own wedding day and the soulmate whom you've lost.  Do you really want to get up and take part in some sort of recognition?  There isn't anything that could be happy enough to not make her feel sad.

You seem to think that she should have moved on after ten years but that isn't your call.  There isn't a time frame on grief.  My grandfather spent the ten years after my grandma's death waiting to die because he missed her so much.

Ask your mom if she would be okay with a memorial of some sort for your dad.  If she says no, drop it.  It she says take it out just before the ceremony, take it out.  If she looks upset as the wedding is approaching, take it out. 

That said, the most I would do is tie something of his to your bouquet so that he is, in a sense, walking his little girl down the aisle.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honor-deceased-parent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f4013d90-6b05-4bad-ad02-399439fcc5b9Post:4ff82c88-63b3-40d1-a239-6c37ed5ed5c9">Re: Honor a deceased parent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Honor a deceased parent : Stop.  Your heart is in the right place but the only person that you should be asking about this is your mother.  He was your father but clearly he was the love of her life.  Imagine that you have lost your FI and find yourself going to someone's wedding and they've decided that you should take part in honoring his memory at their ceremony.  Seriously stop and think about this.  You are already at a wedding that is supposed to be a joyous occasion and you are already thinking about your own wedding day and the soulmate whom you've lost.  Do you really want to get up and take part in some sort of recognition?  There isn't anything that could be happy enough to not make her feel sad. You seem to think that she should have moved on after ten years but that isn't your call.  There isn't a time frame on grief.  My grandfather spent the ten years after my grandma's death waiting to die because he missed her so much. Ask your mom if she would be okay with a memorial of some sort for your dad.  If she says no, drop it.  It she says take it out just before the ceremony, take it out.  If she looks upset as the wedding is approaching, take it out.  <strong>That said, the most I would do is tie something of his to your bouquet so that he is, in a sense, walking his little girl down the aisle.
</strong>Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]


That's exactly what I'm doing. My florist will attach a vintage locket with a picture of him to my bouquet. It's already going to be a really hard day for me and I want this private thing <em>just for me. 
</em>

TiffannieF

I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother 3 years ago, she was my best friend and it's still hard.  Coming from somebody that is in a similar situation as you I can say you have many options.  I have a list of different ways as well as what I did to honor my mother in my bio under "In Memory of". 

There is definitely a line that you can cross at a wedding but everything that I did for our wedding to honor my mother did nothing to dampen the mood.  Everybody had a great time and when I look back all I see are smiles.  Several people came up to me and said they appreciated how I honored my mom and thought it was very nice. 

cynthial411

I am having a candle engraved with my fiances mother name, and my grandparents' names. The reverand will say that the ceremony is dedicated to them and then we will move on. I want to acknowledge them and having the candle lit makes me feel like they are represented at my ceremony and reception without bringing down the mood too much

Blu101409

 Even though it's still a couple years (and an actual proposal away- my boyfriend knows he's stuck with me for life ), I've picked out with acceptance from him to hold our wedding on September 21, 2014. September 21 was my mom's birthday and she died of cancer when I was 10 years old. By having our special day on a day that already held great importance to me will help me honor my deceased parent and feel like she's there with me.

Hopefully you can find something that's personal so you and yours close to you know how you are honoring your father without broadcasting it. Best Wishes.

svangorkom

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand your struggle.  My mother passed away in 2008 and I am also trying to figure out a delicate way to honor her without breaking down.  My brother and his wife were married a year after she passed, and they wanted to pay tribute to her.  My mom was a talented pianist, so they had the officiant mention her, then played a recording of her music while they lit the unity candle.  Although it was incredibly sweet, half the guests were in tears and my brother was a blubbering mess for the remainder of the ceremony.  All post ceremony photos were littered with red eyes and noses, and tear streaked make-up.

I want to quietly honor my mom without it feeling like a second funderal, and I think a heartfelt note in the program may be my best bet.  I also plan to wear her wedding ring either on my right hand or on a necklace.  And remember, your Dad will want you to be joyful and happy on your special day, and WILL be there with you!! Good luck.