Bridesmaid

court476

My soon to be sister-in-law is going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, however I just found out that she is not going to attend the reception because she doesn't like drinking or smoking (which I completely understand), but I don't know if i should keep her in the wedding because the duties of a bridesmaid doesn't end with just the wedding....and I think it's kinda rude to be in the wedding but not show up for the reception. what should I do? Replace her and find someone that will go to the reception or just leave it alone?

VeggieLove1022

Please don't replace her. She'll be able to do everything just fine. All she's required to do is show up sober in a dress and smile for pictures. Anything else is a bonus. And honestly, my BMs didn't do a thing at the reception and they helped out a ton. What exactly were you thinking she'd need to do?

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c881f82-75ad-4410-948c-966d2461bf1cPost:d6f6e056-42e4-459d-b8ff-839f3bc4c7eb">Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]My soon to be sister-in-law is going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, however I just found out that she is not going to attend the reception because she doesn't like drinking or smoking (which I completely understand), but I don't know if i should keep her in the wedding because the <strong>duties of a bridesmaid</strong> doesn't end with just the wedding....and I think it's kinda rude to be in the wedding but not show up for the reception. what should I do? <strong>Replace her and find someone that will go to the reception or just leave it alone?</strong>
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]

<div>BM duties: buy the dress (provided it is within her budget and you consulted her about that), show up sober to the wedding, and smile for pictures. This is all. Parties, showers, etc are extra. There is especially nothing for her to do at the reception, besides maybe dance? Maybe catch the bouquet if she is single? These are hardly duties...</div><div>
</div><div>I do agree it's a little weird that she doesn't want to attend the reception at all. Leaving early is one thing. Is she pregnant? Could you see about making the venue nonsmoking? A lot of places require this now anyway. As for drinking, does she not go to Chilis/Olive Garden/any other freaking eating place that serves alcohol? She doesn't have to drink it, and it's not like people are going to be acting as though it's a frat party. Sure, some people may get drunk, but, come on. </div><div>
</div><div>Definitely don't replace her. That would be rude. Just talk to her or have your FI talk to her about her concerns, and then just accept it that it's her choice. Try to have fun without her, and don't feel bad for having the party you want. </div>

JadziaDax

Don't replace her but her reason doesn't make sense for not attending the reception. Is she in recovery and doesn't want to be around alcohol? What does smoking have to do with anything since you can't smoke inside most places (or is this only a NY law)?

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c881f82-75ad-4410-948c-966d2461bf1cPost:5cfa95dd-bf37-495d-82b3-3dd3537db2aa">Re: Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't replace her but her reason doesn't make sense for not attending the reception. Is she in recovery and doesn't want to be around alcohol? What does smoking have to do with anything since <strong>you can't smoke inside most places (or is this only a NY law)?</strong>
Posted by JadziaDax[/QUOTE]

<div>It varies from state to state, as well as from county/city. Most everything in GA is smoke free now, but I just went to SC over the summer and they still had a smoking section inside a Cracker Barrel </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Bars are often the exception to the law in GA, and rural south GA is worse than the city areas in general. </div>

VeggieLove1022

Jadzia- no it's also law in AR, but I know when we go to Memphis we always forget and get bombarded with smoke filled rooms. So I'm not sure if reception places would allow smoking as well. If they did, I could see how that would get annoying pretty fast for a nonsmoker.

court476

No she is not pregnant. She just quite smoking and does not what not be around smoke even though we are spraying something for the smoke smell,  the place itself has people come in 3 times a week to clean, and they have smoke absorber things. As for as the drinking it will be a dry wedding.....

 

And they do allow smoking inside, also the manager will put up non smoking signs around the place.

VeggieLove1022

Maybe she just doesn't want to come for some reason? Maybe someone will be there that she doesn't want to see? IDK I wouldn't push her into coming. She said she doesn't want to, so I'd leave it at that. As for the BM stuff, she's covered. Maybe she'll be in a better mood on the wedding day and go to the reception anyways.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c881f82-75ad-4410-948c-966d2461bf1cPost:18c6c6e0-46d6-4631-aa86-5493e4a70281">Re: Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]No she is not pregnant. She just quite smoking and does not what not be around smoke even though we are spraying something for the smoke smell,  the place itself has people come in 3 times a week to clean, and they have smoke absorber things. As for as the drinking it will be a dry wedding.....
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ok well in your OP you said "drinking and smoking" so I assumed there would be alcohol. </div><div>
</div><div>Can you talk to your venue manager/owner and ask that the venue be made a nonsmoking facility, just for your event? It's not a crazy ridiculous thing for people to have to go outside to smoke nowadays, so I would think people would be used to it and wouldn't think it was that big of a deal. And most of the people I know who smoke would never just light up somewhere without making sure it was cool first. You could put up signs or just pass it along via word of mouth that the reception is going to be dry and smoke free. </div><div>
</div><div>So yeah, she is being dumb, IMO, but you can't "force" her to come to the reception, you know?

</div>

Simply Fated

If it's a dry wedding, then why did you say that was one of the reasons she won't come? Does she not know it's a dry wedding? If the manager is putting up signs telling guests not to smoke... then there isn't smoking, either? Out of curiosity, what did you want her to do as a bridesmaid during the reception?

Avion22

If she has listed her reasons for not attending as "drinking and smoking", and you have made it a dry and smoke-free reception, then I would let her know that. Tell her that it would mean a lot to you (and presumably, to her brother, the groom) to have her there, but you understand that she will leave if she feels uncomfortable.  Hopefully she'll just give it a shot, maybe stay for dinner at least, and maybe she'll feel comfortable enough that she will decide to stay longer.

But if she is dead-set against going to the reception, then just leave it at that.  You can't make her come, and in my opinion it's not a reason to remove her from the bridal party.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c881f82-75ad-4410-948c-966d2461bf1cPost:741ccaf9-16dc-447c-a795-1ec6340b29d3">Re: Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]If she has listed her reasons for not attending as "drinking and smoking", and you have made it a dry and smoke-free reception, then I would let her know that. Tell her that it would mean a lot to you (and presumably, to her brother, the groom) to have her there, but you understand that she will leave if she feels uncomfortable.  Hopefully she'll just give it a shot, maybe stay for dinner at least, and maybe she'll feel comfortable enough that she will decide to stay longer. But if she is dead-set against going to the reception, then just leave it at that.  You can't make her come, and in my opinion it's not a reason to remove her from the bridal party.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

It's really weird that she doesn't want to come for reasons that aren't even reasons, but I think you should try that ^.