2 completely unrelated things

jfgrad06

1. Yesterday, my mom got an invitation to my bridal shower that my FMIL is hosting. It was supposed to be a surprise, but FI told me about to make sure I would be able to get off work. So it isn't a surprise anymore, which is fine, but what IS a surprise is that the invitation says the shower is ay MY house. Not at FMILs or anywhere else, MINE. I'm a little ticked because not only is the shower on a Wednesday night (my wedding is that Saturday), it's at MY house. I wouldn't want people coming over, cooking, decorating, doing whatever in my house, without me knowing about it (which I wouldn't have except FI told me). So I'm glad it isn't a surprise, but now I feel like I have to be involved in it. There is cleaning, and cooking, and setting up to do, and I feel like I have to do it since it's in my home. Ugh. I know it was meant to be a nice thing for me, but I'd rather skip out on having the big party at my house 2 days before the wedding...maybe I over react?Again, these 2 random complaints have nothing to do with eachother.2. Since me and FI bought our house a couple months back, my mom seems to think she gets to make the decorating decisions and choose how to arrange my furniture and in what rooms. When I try to tell her we don't want to do something a particular way, she throws a fit like a child. *sigh*

ffmaid

uhmm did Fi agree to have it at your house? If neither you nor FI agreed to have it at your house FI needs to call his mom and say that he was sorry but that hosting a party a few days before the wedding at your house in unacceptable. She should send out change of venue cards but no she can not throw a party at your house without asking one or both of you .  

jfgrad06

FI agreed to it because it was going to be a surprise and they thought it would work best to have it at our house so everyone was there when I came home...but he never asked me about it. He said he didn't think I would care *mumbles*

pamila51510

UGH!!! Gee what a nice suprise for you at your own house so you get to clean up after it too! I would be pissed! Mom's gotta love them!

ffmaid

1. Well then this is FI's mistake and he should be responsible for all teh cleaning and prep. 2. You and FI need to discuss what the house rules are for visitors  

jfgrad06

FI is a big doof. He probably thought he was being helpful in some way, and didn't relize how HORRIBLY inconvenient it was going to be.We really don't have accomodations for a big group of people either. We have a little den with a couch and love seat, and that's it. Or, we have the dining room with 6 chairs around the table. I don't know where everyone is going to sit and be together. And I'm thrilled to get left with the clean up. Awesome. OHHH maybe I should just let my mother come in and dictate what to do about the seating and where to put everyone!! OMG PROBLEM SOLVED! Can't wait!!1!1

jfgrad06

ilythia....ithinkily

Pirata13

I think FI needs to help his mom find a nice little restaurant to have your shower at and resend invites. A shower at your own house is bad enough, much less 3 days before your wedding. They need to change the location.

jfgrad06

nice gesture, best of intentions, etc etc = most inconvenient scenario on the planet. Would it be terribly rude to elope 3 weeks before my planned wedding!?! No will will mind, right?

Pirata13

yeah good intentions but the rest of the plan sucks.  I would seriously tell FI he needs to talk to his mom, he needs to take the blame for it and say "Mom, you know, I've been thinking, and having this at the house 3 days before the wedding is just going to be stressful.  Why don't we look into having it at _________ restaurant, I'll pick jf up from work and tell her I'm taking her to dinner. Then when we arrive--SURPRISE!"  Seriously. 

jfgrad06

no ONE will...

jeannigirl

I am sticking with retreadbride she said it the best. For sure your FI needs to tell his mother he made a boo boo and get another location. That thing with your mom coming into your home I would put a stop to that right away. Saying " mom this is my home and this is the way we like it, and I would appreciate if you respect me and FI and not come in and rearrange things in our home".

dorotheagoo

Not to sound too harsh but you are letting other people boss you around.This is your house and you are (or should be) in control.If you don't want a party at your home that you don't even have room for/or okayed in the first place then tell FI and FMIL there isn't going to be a party at your house. Period! What is the point of having a shower in your honor if the first thing it achieves is to stress you out only a few days before your big day?????As far as your mom goes she is only getting away with what you let her get away with. You are an adult - this is you and your soon-to-be-husbands home - why should anyone other than you two decide what it should look like?

jfgrad06

Oh don't worry, me and FI had a talk about it. Aside from him, I can't believe FMIL even thought that would be okay. And I guess she had her doubts because she asked FI and he's the one that gave the okay...which makes me want to smack him. Seriously, how could he think that would be alright?? Are mens brains really that inferior? No matter how I think about this situation, there is nothing I can think of to justify it being okay to have it at our house. I'm baffled (and possibly concerned....) by FIs thought process here.And yeah, my mom is nuts. She makes everything so dramatic. Wedding decisions, stuff with the house, what will she make for dinner, etc. She has this way of making a mountain out of a mole hill, and it's the most irritating thing in the world. I'm still living at my parents house for a couple more weeks until we are married because my parents freak out at the thought of us living together before then. And I figure since they are paying for my entire wedding, if that's the least they ask of me, then I'll grin and bear it til we're married. But trying to tell me what furniture to take, where to put it, what to do with particular rooms- is none of her damn business and I refuse to hear her whine and complain because I didn't do what she wanted me to do. It's ridiculous. I"m pretty sure the whole 'empty nest' thing is getting to her though.

jfgrad06

Retread-I freaking LOVE the bean dip. I actually LOL at it. Gonna have to give it a try though...

[Deleted User]

1 That is crazy, you can't have a party in your house 2 days before you're wedding. Have FI tell his mom it's not on, find a new venue. 2 This reminds me of the Sex and the City where Tray's mom tries to pick out a bed for Charlotte and Tray. You need to tell your mom now, thanks for the opinions, but it's our house.