"...being anal about it."-so they said.

November3Love

OK So.. every person coming to Fi & my wedding is traveling. It's less than 50 people. My younger sister is my JBM & my older sister is my MtronOH. I've made a ton of things for the wedding: designed invites, rsvp's, flowers, the actual ceremony setup (it's outdoors) cake designs, the whole nine, right? I LOVE to be creative. When I'm bored, I draw & stuff like that, so... it is not a shocker that this wedding is mostly DIY stuff.. ALL of which has been sooo much fun for me. The other day, I made the VIP Chair Tags.. (father of the bride.. etc.) & showed my mom on the webcam. She told me after a rough exhale.. "You know.. me & your sisters were out at lunch the other day & your wedding came up. Your older sister said '"This wedding... you're being anal about it.' .. & I agree."I was floored. I was sooo hurt. My sisters have called me MANY times about 'how should we wear our hair? what color nailpolish? what shoes do you want us to wear?" EVERYTHING-they've asked me.. every single time, I said to them "I don't really care, as long as you're comfortable & feel good." That's it. So I'd love to know-just how exactly am I being 'anal' about 'this wedding'?My Fi told me that they seem to be jealous b/c neither of those married had weddings like they wanted... they've told me this a zillion times. Fi & my wedding is was we want... & his point is that perhaps.. it's getting to them to know that you're getting to do what they never got to.. & maybe it's tweaking them a bit. I just can't believe my mom said that ... or my sister. My Fi got a lil bit huffed about the fact that I have enough stress & why would my mom tack more on.. why would she even tell me something like that? All I know is.. it hurts. I don't think I've been insistant on anything... with the exception of these three things: 1) Location, 2) my dress... I have to feel beautiful in it... & 3) I have to have my family there... because my dad has to walk me down. none of those things are unreasonable.. I think. So what's with this mess? I'm so confused. I've mostly been excited til this. A bit of stress.. nothing I can't vent about to Fi & then be over... so ... I don't know?Would you be a bit upset, too? What would you feel like if your family said that about you as you're trying to plan the wedding to your best ability without any family (aside from Fi) for over 2,200 miles... & they say this...?

November3Love

**Sorry it was so long.. I didn't think I could type that much.. it didn't feel like I had.. sorry...

tidetravel

My wedding was mostly DIY stuff too.  And I WAS anal about a lot of stuff.  Why?  Because if I wasn't, nothing would get done.  The 2 things I delegated to other people got so horribly screwed, I created double the work for myself to compensate for their mistakes.So, be anal about it.  It's your wedding - you are doing most of the legwork.  You deserve to have it right.  As far as sis and mom - I agree w/ your FI; they shouldn't have said anything, since you are obviously doing a lot on your own.  From now on, I would cut back on the wedding talk around them.  They've obviously had more than they can handle.  If they ask specific questions, answer them and then change the subject. 

lissa71679

Be as anal as you want to be.  its not bad to want things done right.  maybe I missed it..but did you tell your mom how you felt when she said that?  I feel better when I confront a situation head on.

C W

Ugh. Try not to stress about what she said. You're not being anal, you just care about the details. I was very anal about a lot of the details, but knew that most other people wouldn't care as much as I, so I just didn't talk about it with anyone. I enjoyed planning everything myself and seeing people's reactions to the little things they didn't know about. I would continue what you're doing, but just keep it to yourself and your FI. You can talk about all the tiny details you're excited about on the knot! Don't worry - you are going to have a gorgeous wedding!

carrieoz_76

Ugh.  Sometimes people know *exactly* what to say to burst your very shiny happy bubble.  I hate it when that happens!I agree with PP - no more wedding talk with mom and sisters.  Keep it to FI or other friends who seem interested.  And be happy that you're doing what you and FI want, where you want, how you want.  That's an awesome (and freeing) feeling.

ffmaid

That was very mean of your mom. You actually do not know your sister said this or the context of the comment and so all mom is doing is spreading mean gossip and rumour. But shrug it off and do not worry about it

kate8987

Do your wedding how you want it. Sometimes my Mom will say something to me that is upsetting but I try to blow it off. Its your wedding, do it how you and your fi want it.

cath3888

I agree with people...avoid talking to your mom about the wedding wherever possible.  It certainly wasn't very nice of her to say that to you when you've been single-handedly taking care of everything yourself.Frankly, it doesn't matter if you're being anal or not.  If your mother says anything to you in the future, my response would be "Mom, what are you hoping to accomplish by saying that to me?  Because the last time, when you said something similar by telling me I was being anal, all you did was provide unnecessary hurt and stress during one of the most important times of my life."  That should point across and shut her up.

cath3888

*get the point across

ReturnOfKuus

They're not jealous of you.  They really do think you're being weird an anal about all these little details that no one but you will notice.  Hell, I'd think the same thing if someone were showing me a video of chair tags.

pamila51510

I show my mom stuff but she is across the country and asks me to see it.  I am having a lot of fun planning and glad she can look and not touch.I say do not say hardly anything to your mother & sisters from now on.  Only answer what they ask no more no less! Good luck!!

TnJBonnell

Dont say sorry for writing alot. Go ahead girl, Vent out! Thats what these post are for. I'm sorry that your mom and sis are calling you "anal" from what you've said you dont seem to be anal at all! Shoot, if thats being anal then I must be horrible!! LoL. When it comes down to it, its your wedding, your excited, you want to talk about it and share your thoughts and new things with everyone! I'm sure your proud of what you've done and what everything to be done right. Its your special day! And it only happens once so it should be perfect! I know the feeling. Right now (and for the next 9 months) my life is revolved around wedding planning! And thats how it should be! They should be happy for you, proud of you and willing to help you! I've been doing alot of things on my own too. And from time to time I get my mom saying that she doesnt like something, I just tell her, "well I do!" And thats that. She respects my choice. Just talk to your mom, let her know it hurt and ask her what is making you so anal. If tells you just avoid saying to her whatever it is that makes her think your anal. I hope my advice helps. Best wishes on your up comming wedding! I'm sure its going to be beautiful!

Piper_62

everyone gave great advice. I would be upset too. I am extremely organized with my wedding planning and I think sometimes that people are a little put off about it. I hear comments all the time like, "sooner or later, the stress will hit you!" or "Just you wait until it's a week before the wedding, you will be a raging bridezilla!" Comments like that make me want to punch people in the face. Hang in there, and like pp said, just answer their questions and don't volunteer info for a while. See what mother does then!

klkier8398

If you enjoy it, then go right ahead. I think the advice about not mentioning it to Ma and Sis sounds like a good idea. People pick on me for knot-ing all the time, I say to heck with them, it's what I like to do.