What would you do?

katie062805

My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years and are planning our wedding. We have a big disagreement though as to whether or not we are going to offer alcohol at the reception. His family is Mormorn and does not drink, although he does. My family drinks and has no problem with it. I've said I want only wine and beer, but he wants neither. He says out of respect for his family...but it's not his family's weddings, it's OURS! We're grown adults and should make our own thoughts and plans. I understand his concern, and I've even mentioned different ideas we could do, such as, giving those 21 and older 2 tickets when they walk in and they can have 2 drinks and that's it, so no one gets drunk. We have a glass of wine or a beer almost every night-it's not something that's he's against. What would you do? How do you think we should deal with this? I need help!

sunflower1998

You should definitely do what you two wish to do - it is your wedding.  The grown adults at the wedding are just that.. grown adults.  They will certainly understand.  When DH and I were discussing our guest list, we just decided not to invite any people we knew would get trashed.  I would recommend that you do the same if you are concerned.

katie062805

Thank you for your advice! But he and I are going back and forth with each other. I just don't know how to convince him to stop worrying about his family and to just do what we want. He's so wrapped up in his family and what they'll think. I don't know how to make him understand that it's OUR decision!!

noelle24

This is tough. I agree with you.  If you and your FI would like to have some wine or champagne at your wedding, you should be able to, especially since your family would also like the alcohol.  If most of your guest list will be comprised of people that enjoy alcoholic beverages, I'd offer the beer and wine.  Surely his family realizes that since you and your family are not Mormon, that you don't follow the same beliefs about alcohol as they do.Is there some other place you can compromise and include a bit of your FI's family traditions in the wedding? In a way that doesn't affect the hospitality you show your guests?

meriamjuicy

FI needs to realize his family are adult and can handle being around people with a beer in hand.  If he feels weird about it he shouldn't drink in front of them and hopefully his parents are adult enough not to poopoo your family at the wedding. 

tbh33

Do your FI's parents know that he drinks?  My dad's parents know that we all drink, but they don't agree to it.  Whenever, they come over my dad just doesn't drink in front of them out of respect for his parents.  However, for our reception, we will have alcohol, and my grandparents will probably be talking about me.  I just figure she can get over it.  However, if your Fi's family doesn't know that he drinks then I am a little more understanding to his wants.Also, who is paying? If you're parents are contributing at all and they want some alcohol, then I think there should be some.  Not that you should use that as an excuse.  This is just one of those things you and he are just going to have to work out.  Good Luck!

AlexiaANDRobert

If most of your guest list will be comprised of people that enjoy alcoholic beverages, I'd offer the beer and wine. Surely his family realizes that since you and your family are not Mormon, that you don't follow the same beliefs about alcohol as they do.Ditto.You can use the same argument that out of respect for your family that does drink it's rude not to have it...I think beer and wine is perfect and those who don't drink don't have to.

starzoar

I completely agree with the previous posts.  I know if it were my family they would be completely offended if there weren't alcohol there...my grandparents probably wouldn't show up or they would bring there own...which could be a worse situation.

Kristin789

We had the opposite situation: my family doesn't drink and FI's family drinks like fish. We moved the wedding to 11:30 a.m. followed by a luncheon reception, with only a champagne toast. The event is supposed to be about a wedding, not a family reunion where everyone gets drunk for free. So move the wedding time up. Worked for us.

katie062805

Thank you all for your advice. It really has helped! And yes, his family knows he drinks, although he never drinks in front of them...I don't think he's ever drank in front of any of them. I don't want anyone to get drunk, that's why I thought of the 2 ticket thing, or just stop the drinks after a certain time. I want an evening wedding and reception, so the time wouldn't quite work to move it. If anyone else has any other ideas or advice, I'd love to hear it! Thanks!

noelle24

I find the ticket thing kind of tacky, personally.  I'd just have the bar open for the cocktail hour and maybe an hour after dinner and then close it.  Good luck.

jeannigirl

Ok you did ask, I would serve the alcohol. His family needs to get over it. Not every one pratices the same beliefs. Thats life.  Yes you are both adults however it sounds like your FI is acting more like a child then an adult and is afraid to tell Mommie & Daddy that you will be serving alcohol.

julndan

Katie-I agree with most of the other posts.  I would serve alcohol.  I like the idea of just beer/wine.  It's kind of like if you are a vegetarian (like me)  I don't expect weddings NOT to serve meat.  And I certainly don't frown upon people for eating meat.   I accept that I am a minority and cross my fingers there will be some veggies I can eat.  Alcohol is NOT uncommon at ceremonies.  Also, if your fam is contributing that is a good point (another poster mentioned that.)  So sorry you and FI are stressing about this.  I hope it will happily be resolved in the near future.