Which one walks me down the aisle?

saraschneider

I have been dreading my wedding day just as much as looking forward to it since I even knew what it was.When I was 2 years old, my mother & father got divorced. They were both re-married by the time I was 3 1/2 years old; and have both been married ever since.My step-mom and step-dad, have treated me as their own since day 1. I love them both as if they were a second set of biological parents. All 4 parents get along fine, and they have all been a part of my up-bringing.My step-mom and dad never had any children together, and I have always been a daddy's girl. My mom and step-dad had a son when I was 5 years old, and we get along great.Here is my delema: When my fiance & I told my dad and step mom that we were thinking of getting engaged, they were excited for us. But he told me he had one thing to say about the wedding: "I AM YOUR FATHER AND WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WALKING YOU DOWN THAT AISLE" ( He is also ex-military and the most stubborn, hard headed person)For as long as I can remember, I have pictured my stepdad on one arm, and my father on the other. When I tried to explain that to him a few weeks later, he lost it.We had that conversation in April 2009, and I haven't spoken to him since. I have called, emailed and wrote letters-all unresponsive. (We used to talk twice a day) My stepmom leaves me emails and we talk occasionally on the phone, and she keeps telling me that I am the one in the wrong, and I should do this "for my dad because I am his only daughter"My dad has given me multiple ultimatums, and has stated that he will not be any part of the wedding at all, if he can not walk me down the aisle alone. "Call me when its over," he has said. I am beyond extremely hurt.My stepdad is being very supportive and says that he knows where my heart is and he will step back and let my dad walk me down the aisle by himself. But that still isnt how I've always pictured it.What do I do? Who is right? Who is wrong?

tinkerbell.katie81

If it is something that you think might cause drama on your wedding day, have you considered walking yourself down the aisle? 

lissa71679

what a horrible position to put you in.  I feel very sorry for you and having to make this crappy decision.  I dont know what to tell you to do.

Night_Sprite

Walk yourself down the aisle.  You'll have peace of mind and if dad doesn't get over it, you don't want him there being a jerk anyway.

jeannigirl

Ok that is hard to have that be facing you and for yout father to give you those ultimatums.If you feel comfortable retread said it very well. I hope that your father can be mature and understand that you want them both to play that role has they both raised you and you love them both. I hope that it will turn out for the best. It sounds like your step-dad is being the bigger person and willing to set aside for your father. He shouldn't have to, and you shouldn't be made to choose. Just

jeannigirl

Darn that just cut me off. Just do what your heart is telling you.

pamila51510

I agree with Jeanni and Retread. My dad is retired military as well and drives me crazy with his stubborness.  I feel for you.  He needs to listen. You need to do what is in your heart. I hope he can grow up for you and make your day all that you dreamed about growing up.  Good Luck to you!!!  

stina93446

I would walk myself down in this situation. He can't tell you what to do. It's your wedding. You could also have your grandpa do it, or your mom, or a close friend. No rule says that it HAS to be your bio dad.

Kristin789

First of all, let's realize that your dad isn't mad about your step-dad walking on the other side of you, or your step-dad joining you and biodad at the end of the processional. Dad is mad because, while he wants to control everything and everyone, he couldn't control your biomom nor you, so your bioparents got divorced when you were just a toddler. That means, in his language, that he totally failed at his first marriage. Sure, he tried to make that up by being involved in your life, but he hates step-dad and he hates that you like step-dad. He hates that he wasn't the only dad in your life. He hates that he failed at that, and he certainly doesn't want everyone at the wedding to be totally reminded that he failed at that - which is exactly what would be indicated if your stepdad had anything to do with the bride's processional. What would I do? I'd give him the processional. Then I'd dance with stepdad first, then dad, at the reception.

dsouldiva

Had he not reacted the way he has I would have said, give in to him, let him walk you down the aisle, ask step dad to do a speech/ father daughter dance etc.However, your fathers irrational behavior and refusal to even discuss the situation is simply appalling.  At the end of the day, he was happy for this man to bring you up, pay towards your upbringing and act as a father would, but now he wants to come wading back in and claim you for his own at the same time as trying to ascert his authority over your step father in the most pitiful terrotorial fashion.Personally it would leave a bad taste in my mouth to allow my Dad to walk me down the aisle after he's resorted to such blatant emotional blackmail, I'd be inclined to walk myself.I feel really sorry for you having to deal with this.  Best of luck

C W

That's a tough one. If it were MY dad, I'd call his bluff and teach him that he can't tell me what to do anymore. But I know that my dad just gets pouty and would get over it pretty quickly. I don't know how your dad would react though. If I thought my dad would never forgive me, I would probably just let this one go and have a heart to heart with step dad and explain that you are just trying to keep the peace. It sounds like step dad is more than understanding, so it may be the best option.

fossl04

You are right to do what you want on your day.  If your dad loves you, he'll come around and not risk missing your day because of his stubbornness.  An idea for you (although your dad might not like this one either), my cousin had her stepdad walk her down half the aisle, and hand her off to her dad, who walked her the rest of the way.  She was close to both of them and wanted them to both be part of her ceremony.  Try not to stress too much...the most important thing is that you're marrying the man of your dreams.

saraschneider

Hey all,Thank you all so much for your advice. I am still at a loss. Yes, I have considered walking down the aisle myself. As of now, I think that is what I'm going to do. However, I still have 9 months until the wedding.Kristen789-everything you said is exactly 100% true.