Future In Laws Driving me crazy... a rant...

cnderella83

My Fiance and I have been engaged for 1 1/2 years and have dated for 3. We are getting married in 6 weeks. My biggest stress and prblem is my entire in law family... his immediate family. His extended family, aunts, uncles and cousins are great. But his siblings are the worst. He is the youngest of 3 and the only boy. His sisters are 42, 38 and he is 32. The 42 year old is married 4 years and has a 2 year old. The 38 year old is one of the rudest people I have ever met and has never even had a boyfriend and still lives at home. I am 25. His middle sister is constantly trying to pick fights with me and likes to start comflict. She has been that way her whole life. She finds reasons to fight with peeople. She refused to come to my bridal shower because she hates me that much and sent a set of butcher knives as her gift to me. The sister also tried to convince all the cousins to hate me and tried to find out reasons why her brother shouldn't marry me. My FMIL just shakes her head when there are fights and says o well what can you do. Clearly this is how she raised her daughters. The oldest sister never talks to me. I mean I can stand there and try to say hi, what's up and she'll literally stand and stare at me and walk away never having said a word. My FMIL says o she's shy. I think it's called rude. My Fiance is also the baby's godfather and he and i always make sure to be at all his birthdays and holidays and make sure we always remember him with cards and gifts. His mother never once has said thank you or acknowledged us. For his first broithday, we went to the house and worked for 12 hours to set up and get ready and didn't even get a thank you spoken to us. We offered to take him to Tainforest Cafe for his birthday and my FSIL never even returned my call or email. My MIL told me that My FSIL doesn't call people and doesn't like her baby to ride in cars. I was/am a nanny. My MIL and FIL are just trapped in a really bad version of leave it to beaver. They have lived in the same town there whole lives. Literally, never been out of jersey and never took the kids outside the town. and my MIL told me that when I have my own children it's easier to just let them do what they want. I really can't bevlieve that my Fiance is even related to these people. he is so different, yet he doesn't see that they are just ridiculous. I love him to death, but the family drives me insane. haha... any advice or own horror stories:)

jeannigirl

You poor thing. I think its totally rude for them to treat you like that. You sound like you have done your best to make friends with them. Their the ones with the issue not you, their the b******. Just let it go and still be nice but don't take it personally.  They apparently have a low self image of themselves. Just laugh it off and go about your business. If you want go find out why they have the stick up their a** for. (heeheehee) My FI has a few in his family who are very rude to me. I don't give a rats a** what they think of me. My FI loves me and thats all that I really care about. Yes it makes a bit uncomfortable in family gathering. I just laugh and shrug it off and act like I don't care about their nasty looks and such.

zitiqueen

Where is your FI in all of this? Is he just standing there and allowing his family to treat you this way?

noelle24

Ditto ziti.  Your FI needs to talk to his family about their behavior.  They don't have to like you, but they do have to treat you with respect. And since it's HIS family, it's HIS job to deal with them.

jeannigirl

Yes your FI needs to let his family know that will not be tolerated. I know my FI has told his several times. They just are rude like that and even treat him that way when he does not give into their childish behavior.

zitiqueen

Yes your FI needs to let his family know that will not be tolerated. I know my FI has told his several times. They just are rude like that and even treat him that way when he does not give into their childish behavior.But it sounds like he's still tolerating it. Why?

zitiqueen

Spending time with people who treat him poorly and are rude to his face is tolerating it. Not being around them at all to give them the opportunity to treat him poorly and be rude to his face is not tolerating it. Why is he still spending time with people who treat him this way?

jeannigirl

I don't think that I indicated that he spent time with people who treat him rudely has I don't either. Sometimes family may call for whatever reason and if they don't get the answer they want they become rude and he lets them know that and handles it very well.We live in a world that people can be rude in our work environment and such does not mean that we are hanging with them. He works in a career where his clients some of them cn be rude, obnoxious and he knows how to handle people.I work with people who can be rude I handle them with tact and diplomacy.

MLC613

WOW! You have NO idea how great it is to read this and know that I'm not the only one!! The only advice I can give to you is to try to live your life with you and your soon to be husband. Live it the way YOU and him want to!  Everyone always tells me "it's his parents, you can't change that." but it's so frustrating to hear that sometimes! My FMIL is just like Ray's Mom on Everybody Loves Raymond but WORSE!! Trust me, it's bad! I can totally feel your pain!! Just try to relax and remember why you're marrying him, for HIM and NOT for his family. Just try to not let things get under your skin, TRUST ME i know it's hard, but that's what his family wants!!  Good luck!!

Curucu

Did they go to the same cruelty camp my parents went to?  I come from the other side of the spectrum.  My mother was the evil one.  She preferred my abusive ex husband instead.  Go figure.  She was determined to make sure we got back together or my new love dumped me.  Complete with annonymous letters questioning his character, to interrogation sessions every time I saw her, and finally nasty phone calls (messages by then, I refused to answer after a few times!).  He attended family functions but she ignored him entirely, and instructed the rest of the family to do the same.  It came to a head when I showed up with my ring to tell her I was engaged.  She cooly ignored it, folded her arms and said, I hear, and its terrible.  Your father and I are very disappointed in you.  Well, the whole conversation broke down, tears were shed, and eventually she told me to go to he**.  That was my cue, and I was gone.  No returned phone calls, no visits, no Christmas.  Nothing.  It took about 8 months of peace and tranquility for her to decide to bury the hatchet (if you're determined to marry him, I'll try to like him)..close enough.  Moral of the story, they don't come around quite as well and as quickly unless the offender's child steps up and declares the situation intolerable.  Either you treat my fiancee with respect, or you don't get to see me.  Its that simple.  And really, allowing it to continue is just confirming that what they are doing is acceptable and right.  Good luck, you are NOT alone, by any means!  Try always to be the bigger person (I know its REALLY hard sometimes!) And maybe give your Ray Barone a kick in the pants - he needs to deal with this.

MissJosGettinHitched

Butcher knives? You sure you even want to bother with that sister?

Nikkiesix

So sorry to hear yet another sad in-law nightmare! I relate on a level as well. Mo FMIL walked around for year yelling at me to stop calling her by her name and call her "mom" and talked constantly about when FI and I were going to have babies!!! FI and I have been together for 9 years, engaged for 2 and wedding is coming up. FMIL has not returned any of my phone calls, did not come to my shower or RSVP to my mother who so gracioulsy hosted it! At this point, i'm over her attitude problem, although I have no idea what the problem is. I just feel bad for FI since his dad is deceased and he only has one parent. I have decided to go ahead and plan things without her b.cuase I have been soo stressed out with worrying about her that I have hives for shits sake! So again, sorry that you are going through this! It is a happy time for us! Do your best to move foward. In my case, FMIL will be confronted by me after my wedding!!!

Lovie 129

This is very thin ice you are walking on. You not only marry the man, you marry his family. It was never written that we have to like anyone, but we should respect one another because we are human. Your fiance most likely sees his family as they are, and accepts them as such, maybe you should do the same, or this hostility will backfire on you. Always remember, they are his family, forever. He can talk about them, but you shouldn't, that is disrespectful.They may never change, so what will you do? Remain irritated and temporarily insane, or accept the insanity for what it is, them being them, and keep it moving....

vitamint

Just smile and say thank you.... then go home and make your own decisions and lives. Just make sure you keep track of those knives! I am not sure its leave it to beaver if they never say thank you, don't rsvp or make pleasant conversation! We have to love and care for our our families, we do not have to like them. Try to find the good in them, enjoy them in limited doses, be true to yourself. My FMIL is a nuerotic, attention seeking, hypochondriac. Thank goodness she lives out of town, doesn't speak english and my mandarin is limited to hello, how are you, and i don't know.... I am actualy thinking of hiring a nurse or LPN who speaks mandarin to sit with her at the wedding so she has someone to take care of her besides FI!