Possible issue, how should I handle

MEGURP2010

So it didn't hit me when my twin brother brought it up, but he's planning on proposing in Dec to get married this summer and our date is June 26, 2010. They want to do a destination wedding at the beginning of August. We can swing the costs, but most of our family, including my parents, can't afford (my fiancee and I are paying for the wedding). When my cousin found out she freaked and asked if I confronted him. I have not and said plans change so why start a fight over something that isn't an issue yet. That being said, if Dec comes and he proposes and they stick with that time period, any suggestions on how to deal with the situation? TIA!

MEGURP2010

Also, main reason for posting this is I am not good at confrontation and want to be prepared it it came up.

Stackeye210

It sounds like your family will do the confronting for you.  If it really is an issue with them then they will let him know.  Maybe you can just talk to him about how excited you are that he'll be getting married but ask him to talk it over wiht your parents to see if they think they can afford to do a DW so close to yours.  That way your parents can talk to him about it and leave the stress off of you.  It's very nice that you are trying to think of other people, but if that's the date he chooses then he'll have to deal with the consequences of people not being able to attend. 

Leah&Christian09

Confront what? That they would get married the same summer as you? Or that a lot of family might not be able to afford it? When a couple chooses a DW, they do so knowing that not everyone will be able to make the trip. Sometimes that's the point. Wait until he gets engaged. If your parents can't afford the trip, they can discuss it with him.

ffmaid

1. He has not proposed and may propose any day he wants and he may get married any day he wants. 2.If they do a dw in august that is their choice and you have no say whatesever in it your only choice to attend or decline. If you want to move your date you may but you have no say in his

jeannigirl

Well he has to plan when it is convient for him and his Fiance. They can't go on what is going to work with every member of the family. I would let dad & mom take care of this and not say anything unless he asks you if you will be attending.This maybe an idea he is just throwing around. Just relax things can and do often change in a years time.

Mrs. Poe-to-be

I'm going through the same thing.  My FI's brother and his fiance want to go to Jamaica to get married... two months after our wedding and no one in either of their families can afford to go.  My thinking is that if they want a Jamaica wedding, have the Jamaica wedding.  It IS  their day after all, and maybe they can have a reception or small gathering afterward when they get back to celebrate with everyone else??

dsouldiva

When you plan a destination Wedding you do it in the knowledge that some of your nearest and dearest may not be able to attend.  It's really not your issue to confront him.If people can't go, they can't go, it's up to them to politely decline any invitation, not "freak out!" and expect you to do something about it.

MEGURP2010

Hmmm, maybe this came off wrong. I personally don't care if they go in August. I can go and I am excited. I am wedding challenged and don't know anything about this stuff. I love the idea of completely ignoring the rest of my crazy families complaints (since that's my current method), but didn't know if any one had any other suggestions of calming the situation down. Since we are twins my family likes to yell at me when my brother does something they don't like. I was just wondering if people had any ideas of peacefully resolving is all.

dsouldiva

My point was that there isn't really anything you can do. You could try and talk to your brother and let him know how upset the family will be if he does this but I would hazard a guess that he's doing destination because that's what him and his Fi want, she's probably been dreaming about her day forever (if she's anything like me) and I can't imagine she's going to be that open to moving her entire wedding because a few family members are unhappy.Perhaps they can't afford a wedding at home with all the family and this is their way of cutting costs.  It's rubbish that you have to take the brunt of their anger but it's not your fault.

jeannigirl

Your the peace maker I see. What a spot that your parents and family would put you in  I would simply tell my parents I am not the one you need to talk to  so I do not control the things my brother does, I will not allow you to talk or speak to me in that matter. Your an adult take those reins and let them know that is not acceptable.

Neb_Bride

I have to agree with others here, if the family has an issue with it let them come forward and say something, you don't need to play the middle man here. I am also a twin and I know how that can be. My FI an I were originally planning a DW but our plans changed once we realized how difficult the logistics of it were and how many family members would miss out on our important day. My twin supported our wishes to get married in the chapel my FI proposed in several states away, but she was greatly relieved once we told her that plans have changed. We are very happy with the decision to have it back home instead, just makes life easier on everyone.