Strip Clubs and Bachelor Parties

tucker19

Personally I am against strip clubs, but am I a controlling future wife if I say no for his bachelor party? My FI says he does not like them but his buddies want to go, I said its your party and should be geared towards you. He was mad that I was asking and saying that I would rather he did not go to one.

NotNumbers

I'm not crazy about my FI going to strip clubs and seeing skinny girls naked.  However, at the end of the day I trust him completely and know he wouldn't do anything he wouldn't be comfortable with me knowing or that I'd be justified in being upset about.  Like pp said, your FI isn't the one organising the party and most of his friends will consider a strip club a mandatory part of a bachelor party.

NotNumbers

Touching would be another matter....he cheats and he gets a potato peeler to the penis, and he knows itDED!  I love it!  I might have to learn how to make a sig with a quote in honour of that one...

cnario87

There's absoolutely nothing wrong with letting your fiance know how you feel about parties like that. I have also discussed with my fiance that I would feel uncomfortable if he were to do that because, as a Christian, that would completely immoral. Its not what "everyone is doing" for their bachelor/ette parties anymore and even if it was you shouldn't let society tell you or your husband how to spend your last "night of freedom". That's crap!! Go out and have drinks with your girlfriends and recommend the same for him. Then maybe both sides can meet up at a nightclub afterwards, that is quite common nowadays!

salt78

[i]but am I a controlling future wife if I say no for his bachelor party?[/i] Yes. You should have no say in what he does for his bachelor party. If his Best Man wants to take him to a strip club, then it's up to him. Don't worry...none of those strippers want anything to do with your FI. They are just as much at work as I am right now.

tidetravel

but am I a controlling future wife if I say no for his bachelor party? Yes you are.  You can express the fact that you are not comfortable with them, but you cannot dictate what he can or can't do for his party.  He's a grown man.  You need to have more respect for him than that.  More accurately, you cannot dictate what his friends can or cannot do for his party.  Also, I find these to contradict one another:My FI says he does not like themHe was mad that I was asking and saying that I would rather he did not go to one

mocha beans

If FI's friends plan a strip club party for him and you refuse to let him go, even if he really doesn't to go anyway, I can see why he'd be mad.  Expressing you're distate of strip clubs is perfectly fine and healthy, but saying "you are not allowed to go" really does nothing other than make him want to go to be spiteful.Honestly, a bachelor party at a strip club is more for the friends than the groom.  They get to make a fool out of him, ridicule him and generally harass him with naked chicks.  It's all in good fun.  The girls aren't going to track him down to have sex with him, they're there to make money to pay their own bills at home.

Lauren5280

As soon as I read this I thought "thou does protest too much." He's not telling his buddies to change the party because he does want to go to a strip club and doesn't want to admit that to you. My advice is to not tell a grown man what to do. If he wants to go, let him. Have you never been to one? If not I recommend stopping by and checking it out. You'll see that these girls are there to make money and provide entertainment. It will make you feel more at ease.

jeannigirl

Ok here's my take on it. I don't like them at all, I wouldn't waste my dollars on any of these places. However some people just know it is a form of entertainment. Even ifs its considered cheap and trashy entertainment by some. I don't know why men think its cool and fun and why they feel that its the thing to do for a bachlor party but its the mentality. I do understand where you are coming from on this issue and I would not like my man to go to one of these places either. I would tell him that I don't like these places and why I feel the way I do. I would not tell him what he can do or what he can't. I am his wife not his mother.Like one pp said sometimes we are against something and we have never expereinced it or understood from the other side. On a whole the girls are just doing whatever they need to do to pay their bills or whatever.I would be more adpt to be leary of women he may work around then these girls.  When it all comes down to it you got to trust your man if not then the issue may lie with us has women. Remember he is marrying you because he loves you.

kelmcgee

Are you controlling?  a little bit yes.  If he didn't want to go he wouldn't be going to the strip club.   The fact that he asked how you would feel about him going to it means he wasn't sure of your reaction or how much you really trust him.I drive my fiance to the strip club with his friends and tell him I'll see him later & have fun.   If you really think about it the strip club is better than a normal club. Girls at a strip club are working and really not going to do anything but a girl at a regular club?  They are more likely to go home with a guy or take them home. 

fosterliz

I believe feelings toward this can vary so much for many reasons....I am getting married for the second time (I am 47) to my never married yet fiance....who is 40. We love a good timeecided upon a Jack & Jill party where we could let loose with our friends, hired hlarious, on the raunchy side ,danced the night away and flirted with all our good friends.  A great time was had by all......Of course, at this point in our lives, we have seen alot of naked women/men, and really don't care to go that route at this point in our lives.  Been there, done that.  With that being said, we have finally found our true soulmate in eacch other, and I (nor he) want an image to be placed in my mind of either of us in a compromising situation....and that is exactly what happens at strip clubs or private parties where strippers are hired.  Yes, they are doing a job, and believe me girls, the more they do, the more they get paid.  That is the bottom line.  Of course, his best man is honoring his request for no bachelor party, but his married friends (the ones with wives who don't like them going to strip clubs) are all for taking him out for a night on the town....why?  Becasue it is the perfect excuse for them to get an eye full of other women.  In closing....I suggest to keep the home fire burning.Note: above I meant to say we hired an entertainer that is on the raunchy side, but funny as heck and danced the night away.  We had over 100 of our friends at this party, and it was a blast.If anyone is considering a huge double shower like a Jack & Jill, you absolutely must check out www.brucejacques.comin the MA/CT/RI areaHe is not cheap, but worth every penny.

lyndi25

i would warn him that if he goes, he most likely will get beaten on stage by some crazy stripper... I'm sure he already knows that, but my fiance came home with black and  blue marks, broken blood vessels... it was crazy rediculous... i could care less about that stuff, so I just laughed at him but refused to give symapthy... what is wrong with men?  Why would you subject yourself to that???

grayC104

I agree that it is a bit hard to ask your Fiance to not go to a strip club.  I'm a pretty lenient girlfriend. I've been to a couple clubs with my Fiance and our guy friends. They really aren't as bad as you imagine! (unless you're in Vegas!)    If I would have said no strip clubs, his friends would have hired the girls that come to the house, and THEY are the ones to worry about!  Strip clubs have many many rules in place to protect the girls working there, and you really can't get into that much trouble there.I didn't care about my Fiance going to a club, because I knew it was the lesser of the two evils, compared the dancers who come to the house.Good luck, and try not to worry too much. Remember, HE asked YOU to marry him. He loves you!

sserfass

I think its great that a lot of girls on here have said "let him go , who cares," but the truth is some of us do care and that's ok. Whatever your reasons are, it makes you uncomfortable and you should discuss this with you FI.That being said, approaching him with the "you can't do that" might not be the best idea. My FI and I talked a lot about both our parties and shared with each other the things we were uncomfortable with. In the end it made us both more comfortable and was a great exercise on trust. The thing we realized was that some of those things we were uncomfortable with might happen, afterall our friends are throwing the party. Either way we decided that talking about it made it less of a big deal.  

amykay19

i have this same problem

musicchica007

I think when FIs say that their buddies want to go but they don't, they actually do, they just don't want you to know that they want to go. My FI started out by telling me that he is taking his best friend to a strip club for his best friend's bachelor party. Now, all of a sudden (since a stripper almost ended one of our friend's marriages), he's lying to me saying that he has no intention of taking his friend to a strip club for his party. I think that guys want to seem like they're not interested in that stuff when their women voice disapproval, but they are... Granted, I've probably been a bit psycho against strip clubs/cheating since what happened to my friends, but honestly, I think I have a valid reason to freak out.  Good luck with that one. I'm just going to assume that they're going to a strip club for both bachelor parties (my FI's best friend, and my FI). Like RetreadBride said, if the FI cheats on me, he's getting a potato peeler to the penis, so... we'll just have to wait and see.

Nikkiesix

I personally am not against strip clubs, have been to a few myself and find it highly entertaining! I think that you need to seriously think about where these feelings are coming from. The only reason I have ever known a female to be against strip clubs so strongly is that they have self esteem and jealousy issues in regards to their significant other. It is meant to be fun, a "last night out" for the guys as well as the girls. I am being taken to a male review and my fiance will have a stripper come to a hotel room that I have sprung for since I don't want s stripper in my house with a bunch of drunkin men who will not be paying attention as she runs out with our wedding bands! Have some fun yourself. You should not be pressuring your FI, it leads to bad endings. Don't make him feel that he has to lie either. Its true, he may not want to go, but I have seen it before, the groomsmen take the FI where they want, he has no control. Good luck!

buttrfly168

I am not big on the whole strip club thing, but I don't think his party should be up to you. Yahoo listed "not letting him have a bachelor party" as one of the top reasons for divorce later on. You know him, you know how he acts, and if you trust him, he wont do anything wrong. Have you bachelorette party the same night, so you wont have it on your mind!

fawnkay0ne

This has been said, a lot, but I think it's important that you understand no matter how old we are, or who is telling us, when someone says "YOU CAN'T" we think, "AND JUST WHO ARE YOU TO SAY SO?" and most likely do it anyway.  You are marrying him, so you must love and trust him, right?Discussing your feelings with him, without making him feel bad, or obligated to see it your way, is the best bet.  His best man really should have asked him what he wanted to do, maybe this is what he wanted to do. If he really doesn't like strip clubs you have nothing to worry about because it wont phase him.  Now, if you are both Christian and it is against your values than it is a bigger issue than you "not liking" it, and should be discussed as such.Personally I don't mind strip clubs for the occasional bachelor party, or what not, but then again I am lucky... my hubby to be honestly doesn't like them.  I know, every man likes a hot naked girl dancing around, but hanging out at the actual strip club doesn't appeal to him.  I have been to more strip clubs than he has!

linzbelle363

Guys like strip clubs. Your FI likes strip clubs. My FI likes strip clubs. That FI over there likes strip clubs. It's a guy thing and we will never understand. But if you're marrying him, then you obviously trust him. So let him have some fun with his other friends who also like strip clubs. Have your party on the same night, so you don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it!

cch923

Here is my thought:This is his night out with the boys and they can do just about anything they want...you should not be allowed to control him this night.  I have issues when mine wants to go to strip clubs - but for his Bachelor party I know I don't have the right to dictate what he does.  Just like I would NOT put up with him telling me what I can or can not do on my night.That being said, there are a few rules for my Fiance on his bach night.  No strippers in the house/hotel/car/etc.  ONLY at the club.  If he really really didn't want to go, he would tell his friends that he doesn't want to go.  He obviously wants to go and you should let him.  He will respect you more if you trust him.

What08

I'm all for my fiance going to the strip club.  We go together all the time and I know where he's going   I know some dancers and they know me so I'm not conerned. Don't do or let anything happen in your life that you aren't 100% happy and comfortable with.  Just remember, to marry him is to trust him (or at least try).  It will be ok whatever you decide!

tucker19

Ok so tonight is the night!

tommyandy

remember "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you are home for dinner". don't forget that YOU are his dinner.

Kaytee241

My one question is: Would your FI mind if you went to a male strip club?However you both decide you feel about strip clubs, make sure his opinion is not based on a double standard.