MOH Blues

LaFleurs

I could really use some bride advice! I asked my only sister to be my Maid of Honor. Our relationship has been on and off our entire lives and most of the time I feel like we're pretending to actually love each other when we are being nice. None of the other siblings in our family talk to her and I'm always defending her to other people. I asked her to be my MOH because I figured it was the right thing to do (and because I ideally should want my sister to be my MOH). Now we're fighting horribly and she's saying she won't be my MOH (but in a passive aggressive way, like "If you don't want me as your MOH - then fine!")Our wedding is 9 months away, and I suppose that's plenty of time to patch things up (yet again), but after all the hurtful things she's saying, I really don't feel like she is the person I want to stand up for me on such an important day. I don't want to hurt my parents, but I'm not sure what to do. Help!!!

zitiqueen

Too bad, so sad. You asked her and kicking her out now would ruin any chance you two have of patching things up.This is why you ask people who actually matter to you to stand up instead of asking people you can barely stand to be around out of some warped sense of familial obligation.If she offers to back out -- and not in the "If you don't want me as your MOH - then fine!" way, but genuinely offers to step down -- that's fine. But no, you can't kick her out without lookng like a giant douche.

Leah&Christian09

Kicking her out is going to make you look like a bridezilla to your whole family, and it's going to haunt you for a while. It sucks that your sister is like this, but you asked her knowing how she was. My advice is to say "My color is blue. Get a blue dress, your choice." and not mention anything else about the wedding to her.

LaFleurs

Well, I definitely don't want to look like a douche on my wedding day. Won't make for pretty pictures. I guess I should let her make the decision then. Barring any ridiculously tasteless behavior on her part. You brides are pretty straight forward!

kimnelson09

I have one sibling, a younger sister, and I didn't ask her to be my MOH because I knew she wasn't up to it. She's a trainwreck and, without going into a lot of detail, she hates it when I get an iota of attention. I asked her to be a BM instead. She accepted and all was fine for a few months. I can't remember why, exactly, but we got in an unrelated fight and she then threw a hissy fit and threatened to drop out of the bridal party entirely. I told her that it would disappoint me, but I didn't want her to be miserable and that it was her choice. She dropped out only to want back in a few months later. I told her that she had made her decision and I built my plans around that, but would she please do one of the readings because I wanted her to be a part of our day. My point is, if she wants out, let her but I wouldn't kick her out. And be prepared for the situation to be completely different in a few months. Do what works for you but don't burn bridges. Take your parents out of this. My mom was fairly understanding, but my dad tried repeatedly to force it. I just told them that she had made the decision to bow out and that I wasn't going to force her into something that she didn't want to do.

lissa71679

I understand your pain.  I am in a similar situation.  trying to make your family happy sucks sometimes.  At this point me and my sister arent talking.  After our last blow out I knew she wanted to back out of the wedding but doesnt want to look like the bad guy and wanted me to look like the total B who kicked her sorry butt out.  I am not kicking her out because she will play the vicitm.  I could just imagine the day of the wedding people asking her why she wasnt in the wedding and that she would be more than happy to say that I kicked her out like a Bridezilla.If talking with her causes fights then just dont talk to her about the wedding.  thats where I am at with my sister and all we have talked about (via email) since the fight was her ordering her dress.  I am just done with her negativity and I am NOT going to have our wedding day ruined by her nasty ways.

banana468

You have a TON of time before the wedding.  Focus on your friendship and relationship with your sister and how to make it better - not how to make her a better MOH or worry about the wedding.Don't ask her to not be your MOH.  It's a slap in the face to her and one that will follow you for your lifetime as she is your sister.Based on some other posts, is it possible that you're over-stressed?  With 9 months to go, you need to relax. 

kinsey0628

is she your only bridesmaid, or do you have others as well?  i'm sorry about your situation, that does suck.

jsho50

I don't know if this will help at all, but I'll tell you about my sister and the MOH situation. My sister and I are VERY close. We always have been. However, I knew when I got engaged that my sister had no desire to be the MOH. I went to her and asked her how she really felt about it. She said, point blank, that she didn't want to be MOH. She didn't want that much responsibility. My dad was a little mad at her for not wanting to do it, but I wasn't at all. I asked my best friend, and I'm happy with the way things turned out. I wouldn't want my sister to be forced to do things she didn't really want to do, half-ass them, or create some kind of scene over it. I know that, with the way things are, everything will go a lot more smoothly, and no relationships have to suffer. Long story short: Just because she is your sister, she doesn't have to be your MOH. This is YOUR wedding.

Cricket127

Hi!  I can understand where you are coming from.  Before much more time passes, can you sit down and perhaps have a heart-to-heart with your sister?  This may be the time where you can iron out the issues that bother you (perhaps her as well) so they don't keep re-surfacing.  Can you take a walk together, get a coffee, decorate the house for the upcoming holidays, get her involved with something concerning your wedding such as getting favors together?  Also, if you need help, ask a mutual friend/ relative who is aware of the situation but not too close to the matter.  However you decide to talk to her, DO NOT GO ON THE ATTACK!  Say there is something bothering you and see if you can talk; "Something's occurring to me and I'd like to discuss it."  I do hope this'll work out for you as weddings should be a fun and special time for all involved.   Good luck!Sarah