Family Drama - Mom or Sister? Trying to force a choice...

rands09

Just wondering if anyone else is encountering family discord at what is supposed to be a happy time. In short, my Mom and my only sister have probably been at it for as long as my sister could talk. Now that we're all grown up, due to various disagreements, etc., they no longer speak. Which I believe is sad, and a waste of precious time.I have told them both (I speak to each of them separately) that I refuse to be drawn into their feud. My sister lives in another state, and my Mom and I are practically neighbors. The problem is, my Mom is repeatedly making comments to the effect that if I invite my sister to my wedding, neither she, nor my stepfather (who also does not speak to my sister - same issues), cannot be responsible for how they may react if they come face to face with her.In effect, my Mother, whom I am very close to, is trying to force me to make a choice between having her at my wedding (I couldn't imagine getting married w/o my Mom present, and she knows that), or inviting my sister. I love my mom and my sister. My sister is willing to come and stay away from my Mom, but I know that that may not  be enough. I have told my Mom that I would be horrified if she or my stepfather made a scene at my wedding, and that I would take it as a personal affront.It's just making what should be a happy time a little stressful. They are putting their personal grudges ahead of my happiness on my wedding day. I'd love to hear some of your thoughts, comments...

Leah&Christian09

Your mom is being a child. I recommend putting your foot down. "Mom, I'm inviting both you and sis. I've said it before, I'm not getting in the middle of this. You can come and act civil or ignore her, or you can just not come. Just know that if you're skipping the wedding because of her, you are choosing this fight over me, and it is 100% your decision. I'll sleep fine, because I know that I didn't do anything wrong."

peachkins

I agree that you should invite them both.  If you are still close to your sister and want her to be there, then she should.  I would just tell your mom what your sister told you and hope for the best.  I'd like to think that your mom wouldn't be petty enough to miss her daughter's wedding because she's not getting along with a family member.  I'll bet she still comes.

ldpromax

First, I would like to say..I'm sorry you have to go through that drama during your planning time for your wedding. Your mom seems like she is not understanding that she could try to set aside her issues with her daughter ( your sister) for that one day. Your sister at this moment is not the aggressor or promising that she will say something out of line to your mother. sooo...the person you should talk to is your mom and explain to her, that this is my day and i would like to family issues to be set aside for me and my future husband. I should not be worring about what may or may not happen at my wedding. The problem is already there aggervating the problem at the wedding is not going to give you a solution or make it go away. And your mother should not put you in the position to choose between your sister or her and your father. With that all I can say is talk to her or you may have to give her an ultimatum. I wish you the best.

tidetravel

Invite them both. Tell your mother that if she and stepdad feel that they cannot act like adults for one day, that they will be missed. Don't get drawn into their childish behavior.

kmmssg

Your mother is being awful. Repeat after me, "Mom, if you and Stepdad can't be responsible for your actions if sis is there, I will have you escorted out - end of story.  You attend my wedding agreeing to be civil to her, or stay home.  If you do anything to ruin my wedding/reception because you CHOOSE not to be civil, I can't promise I'll forgive you.  What do you choose here?."

ffmaid

Let them both make the choice. Let them each know that both are invited and will be seated at different tables and that they can make this own choice to behave like civil adults and enjoy your wedding or to decline the RSVP. If they attend either may be kicked out for uncivil behaviour by the security if they cause a scene. But that you promise not to seat them at the same or adjoining tables