Name changing?

AprylM

 I have twins to my ex partner. My children and I share the same last name. When I am married my new partner as normal wants me to have his last name. I would love to have his last name as I think its right as a Married couple BUT I dont want my children to have a different name than me. I feel like im abandoning them in a sense. My FI has a daughter (well we have a daughter and she has his last name so its not a issue for him and when his ex remarried she wanted to change her last name and he said no.My ex wont let me change the boys name to the same as ours of course. i probably wouldnt either if it was the other way round to be honest. So I dont begrudge him for it. Although he rarely sees them.Its a while until the wedding but Im starting to feel quite conflected about the whole situation.I know i could hyphenated it but I really dont want a long winded name LOL.I know this is just what happens in seperated families.Anyone else have or had this issue.

melishka716

No, the only thing I have seen is a family friend divorce and keep her ex's last name for the sake of the children, and then, this past weekend, re-married after about 10 years, and she took her new Dhs last name.I think that if your ex isn't very involved in your children's lives, then you have the final say in the names, as you are their sole guardian. Now, you could always leave it and then let them choose when they're older, if they want their father's name, or their step-father's name. I've had a friend do this, in high school, where she decided and she took her step-dad's name, since she actually saw him and he was more like a father figure than her real father.

futuremrsdawes

If you have a desire to change your last name then in my opinion you should - My mother remarried after I was born so I grew up having a mom w/ a different last name, I never thought it was weird and it never really caused confusion - what would have caused confusion was if she would have still had my bio dad's name but been married to someone else.  You aren't abandoning your children - their last name isn't the thing that ties them to you.

ScarletGem

Ditto pp that your last name isn't what ties them to you, but I do see where you're coming from.  I was conflicted about changing my name for many reasons, but I still wanted to legally have DH's last name, too.  So I added his last name to mine, so I now have two last names (not hyphenated).  I'm going to keep using my "maiden" name in day-to-day life, but can use his last name, or both, as I choose.  Perhaps you could do something similar?

lyndausvi

My MIL changed her name and it did not even phase my DH or BIL.  After having 2 daughters she got divorced again and changed it back to her maiden name.So in a family of 5 (both dads are MIA) there are 3 different last names.  They do to not think anything of it.  Their mom is what bonds them not their last names.

Yadyrra

I don't think it will matter to them. I don't know how old they are but I am sure they will understand if you do want to take his last name.Personally, I am keeping my last name but I won't mind being referred to as Mrs. R.