The Fiance

bmward87

Are any of you having a problem getting your FI to help plan?? I keep asking him for ideas or what he thinks of my ideas and he isn't really interested. I don't know what to do. Should I just stop asking or what? I know men are not totally into wedding planning usually but I would love to have constructive input from him! Please help me!

cherryT87

it could be several things. If you talk a lot of wedding talk its just more then what he wants to hear. If he is a real laid back type of person well then he is just isn't into planning or he may only want to be invovled in certain things like your DJ and or the music, Caterer and or just sampling the food before chosing menus items. Most guys don't care about colors, flowers, china,silverware, napkins and so on. My FIs most interrest are in the food, music, and the photography. oh and the invites because he wants to put confetti in the invitations envelope to surprise and add excitement to the invite. I think the most importnt input you will need from him are time,day,place, and colors other than that I wouldn't push it on him but talk to him about how involved he wants to be with the planning. and go from there. Thats really all you can do. I hope this can help you

sgold

I agree with pp. My fiance only has a few things he's interested in when I ask: food, music, some decorations. He could care less about my DIYing (table number cards, centerpieces, etc.), flowers, and other planning things. Not only that, but we're still over 7 months out. For him it's too far away to be that interested in yet. My advice: just don't talk to him too much about things yet. Especially small things. Big issues you need input on? Yes ask him for his opinions then. But I'm sure he doesn't want to be asked 10,000 questions about small things like what cake topper do you like? do you think these are good shoes for me to wear? etc. (just giving examples). Ask those questions to friends or family and they'll be just as helpful. I'm sure most guys wouldn't mind just showing up the day of and being surprised.Good luck!

krayzmelmel

we're the last month of planning and it's been a rocky road :-p there are sometimes that I ask the FI about something, and he says something like... "whatever" but then he complains that he doesn't get enough input! What I have done is to give FI stuff for just for him to decide... I told him to take care of the rehearsal dinner (his parents), the photography, the wishing well, and the imovie (slide show).  He also helped me design the invitations (we embellished a lot on the do it yourself kind).  It's taking a lot to not constantly ask about those things, but he's doing them, and will proud that he was able to.

bmward87

Thanks I really appreciate the advice. Yeah, he care about the food and things...but when I asked him about seating arrangements he was just like who cares....I just don't think he understands some of the little things I have to do to make sure everything is organized. Plus is is a bit OCD and usually wants to know what is going on, but with the wedding it seems like some things just aren't important.

2BMrsMcW

My fiance told me to just tell him when and where to show up. As I make plans, I ask his opinion and I typically get "Whatever you want - It's your day." This was bothering me at first until I realized that he will provide input if it's something he really doesn't like. I really want him to believe that the day is just as much about him, but he wants it to be my day. In fact, I have asked his mom if she has an opinion on a few things, and she reiterates his sentiment. Some grooms are just going to be that way. Just know that if he hates it, he will tell you.

bmward87

Yeah that is true. I am like you and want it to be his day too! And you are lucky to have a FMIL that doesn' t want to put in her input !

duckie1905

DH and I made decisions together. If he had not been an active participant in planning the wedding would've been off. He wanted a wedding same as I did so he was partly responsible for making it happen, same as me. We had this talk when we first got engaged. I didn't really care if he isn't interested in wedding related things-he was still going to help. There were things that one of us cared about more than the other but he was not just going to sit and observe while I did all the work. His wedding=his responsibility. He was wonderful and supportive and I had a much easier go of it than some of my friends who had FIs that wouldn't lift a finger or make a decision.

LesPaul

My DH just isn't into that kind of stuff.  When I got a little pissy about his lack of enthusiasm, he said he would be happy to help, but didn't know what to do and was just trying to stay out of my way.  Try giving him very specific tasks you would like him to do or help with.  My DH was very cooperative and helpful when I gave him more direction.  Certain things he left up to me entirely - not because he didn't care, but didn't really want to get into the details.

bmward87

Thanks again ladies! You are all very helpful.

goheels05

Just do what I did--start handing him the receipts.  He got interested in taking the reigns really fast.;)

bmward87

HAHA!!! Good Idea!

ktjanesmom

Goheels, your doggies are adorable.

Anon I. Mouse

Ha, to be honest....it is my FI doing pretty much all the planning. Now and then I will pop in with something that I think of ("um...I think we need to drive to the other province we are marrying in to get our marriage license") but other than that...we think of things together we would like (he actually often has more suggestions and great ideas than I....I just intend to show up in my dress (which I did pick out myself...ha), with his ring in hand to give to him, and the vows I will write myself!) - and he puts them into action.And it is quite a relief! I am quite busy with work and our wedding is happening within 10 weeks of our engagement which means some things have to be done quickly! However, it is also OUR day (not MY day, or HIS day) - our day...and we both make decisions together, and wish to make decisions together as we are both incredibly excited about it!I realize this won't work for everyone...but I am a pretty easy-going bride, our ceremony is going to be incredibly intimate and small with lots of guest participation (destination wedding weekend in January at a resort up here in Canada, under 20 people total) and I am not that picky about what flowers we get and so forth! I also trust he can handle it without me looking over his shoulder, and neither of us are looking for perfection :)Maybe your FI is feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all? To be honest, if we were worrying about cakes, wedding colours, menu items, guest lists (none of which we are - no cake, we don't have "colours", we are all going for dinner after the ceremony at the resort dining room a la carte, we both knew right away the few people we wanted to invite, etc!) I would feel overwhelmed too and disinterested...ha. I mean honestly, to me, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. We just opted to celebrate it with some very close family/friends and wanted to have some fun with it - but we already consider ourselves to be "united".Have you asked him specifically if there is anything he really WANTS to have input on? If he does have input, do you work with it or dismiss it as it is not what you have in mind? How are your other non-wedding decisions made together?

kaynix21

I didn't read all the responses, sorry if this is reptitive but...You're still nearly a year away from your wedding, so to him (I've noticed this with my FI) he'll probably feel he has six months before he really has to think about much. They don't quite get the work and time it takes.But what I've been doing with FI is just giving him options instead of broad questions.Example:What color theme would you like. (You clearly won't get a good response out of this.My question: Hey babe, I was thinking we could do a sort of red white and blue thing since we're getting married 4th of July weekend, what do you think?That way it narrows it down. Or I give him options you know. If I ask him something too broad, especially when he's doing something, like playing video games, I don't get anything out of him.When we had to go find a venue, I just made sure his weekend was clear, and that he didn't mind looking sine we had to travel. Once we were there, he was attentive and made suggestions and comments. But I made the appointments in stuff.In my case, my FI is a procrastinator, and isn't super excited to plan our wedding like I am, so I involved him in as much as I can, but I know some stuff he won't carry. Like flowers. I'm going to pick our what I want, show it to him, and ask if he has any issues with it. He doesn't have to wear a boutineer or anything because you can't put it on his uniform, so he's not going to care.Stuff like that I'm going to handle and just sort of run it by him.