need help

soontobeabrown

ok so i have been on this site for a while and finally getting married . we have been engaged on and off for a while and finally went to get the marriage lisence. so we have decided to have a small wedding but here comes the problem......i have no idea where to begin. please help anybody. we have choosen a date for feb or march.

squirrly

Since you went to get the license already, did you get married at the courthouse but are looking to plan a wedding for February or March?  Usually marriage licenses aren't valid for that long (30 days is the longest window I've heard of).

stace1814

Engaged on and off?  To plan a wedding you need a date, a location, a budget, an officiant, and a guestlist.  Everything else falls into place after that.  I am curious on the marriage license though.  Did you already get it?  How long is it valid for?

soontobeabrown

yes we got the license already....and yes we did everything at the court house so i guess we are leagally married and just want to have a wedding and reception. we decided on a date for december 5th but my mom stepped in and wants me to have a big wedding and invite everyone considering i am her only child. so now we have postponed it again......i just dont know how to plann a wedding. we have the pastor and our church but i dont know where to start as far as colors halls tastins etc...and yes whoever is wondering engaged on and off....we been together since high school ....10 years now.

goheels05

You don't have to have a large wedding just because your mom wants you to.  If she insists, let her plan the thing.Check out theknot.com's checklist, but remember you don't have to do everything they tell you; it's just a starting point to get an idea.  The first thing you need to do is nail down a venue.  Most only do one wedding a day so they book up fast and early.  When you and the venue have agreed on a date, you can start planning.You will probably need to buy your wedding dress and any bridesmaids dresses off the rack, because you probably won't be able to order any in time for a Feb/March wedding.A word of warning; getting married at the courthouse and then having another wedding afterward is kind of frowned upon by a lot of regulars on the boards, so be warned that you might be getting some heat.  Try to be upfront with your guests about your status as already being married, and think of your February/March wedding as a celebration of your marriage.  I personally don't have a problem with it as long as the bride and groom are honest.

LesPaul

Agree w/ Heels - please don't lie to people about not being married already.  Having a celebration is later (technically a vow renewal) is fine, as long as you're honest.  People will find out if you try to cover it up, and it will be a mess. You need a list to get your planning in order.  Start by tackling one thing at a time, and other things will fall into place.  Good luck!

ellinger84

Did you actually get married at the courthouse or just get your marriage license? If it's just your marriage license then you still need to be married by an officiant/minister who then send in the license signing that they performed the marriage.       Please only have the wedding that you want! If you are already married, why not just have a reception to celebrate?  I do think it's important to hear out your family, a wedding really is a joining of families so it is important that they're heard, doesn't mean you have to do what they want - it's all about compromise.        The first thing you need to do is determine what your budget will be.  Then go about what the PP said, pick a date / couple dates that you like then find a venue you like that works with your date and make sure your church is available that day.  Once you have a date you can look for photographers, know if there's any restrictions on caterers from the venue, know what kind of centerpieces will look good etc.     Get your dress & bridesmaid dresses. Everything will start to fall into place!

duckie1905

You are already married so what you would be having would not be a wedding; it would be a vow renewal. I'm all for people having vow renewals and celebrations of their marriage as long as they are honest with their guests and tell them they are already married. It doesn't particularly bother me but I know many people that would not travel to attend a vow renewal and would be madder than hell if they did travel and found out later they were lied to. I believe that what you mean to say is that you got married in the courthouse and you now have a copy of your marriage certificate (the license is what you get before marriage and is permission for you to get married). As far as that goes it doesn't really matter. From here you do things like pick a date, a venue, meals, flowers, etc. Do what you want as long as you are spending your own money.

redheadfsu

Just wanted to add:That when other people pay (like mom) they get a voice in the choices. If mom wants & pays for a large vow renewal then mom gets a large say in that vow renewal. Plan a small party to celebrate if that is what you want, it will stop the future headaches of mom's unwanted huge party. Just wanted to reiterate about not lying and a few of the traditions of a wedding are not appropriate for vow renewals. Just keep that in mind when planning. (Every crowd is different so I don't want to tell you which traditions are inappropriate for yours)

Kristin789

You Only Wed Once Miss Manners column If you want to hold more than one wedding, Miss Manners would think that decency required you to hold a divorce in between. Quite a number of people seem to disagree with her. These are not even bigamists. These are couples who propose to get around the law by marrying those to whom they are already legally married. The amount of time they allow between weddings varies; it may be days or decades. Their explanations also vary, but not as much. They are: "We never had a real wedding, and now we can afford the wedding we've always dreamed of." "We have friends on both coasts who won't make the trip, so we thought we'd have two ceremonies." "We have a big wedding planned, but" -- because of taxes, military orders, company policy, travel deals or whatever -- "we have to get married right away, and then we will go ahead with the wedding as scheduled." "With so many divorces around, we'd like to set an example by renewing our wedding vows." The one excuse that is no longer cited, Miss Manners notices, is that of getting married sooner than expected because a baby is expected. On the contrary, the questions she is asked in that connection concern postponing the wedding so that the bride will appear slimmer in her wedding dress. Miss Manners hates to be a crank about all this. She is as moved by love as anyone, and more lenient than most about sentimentalizing over weddings that follow unsentimental courtships. She is never the one you hear telling the other wedding guests, "He finally realized he wasn't going to do any better" or "I suppose she finally wore him down." But, dear people, a wedding ceremony is a legal and/or religious ceremony. (Yes, a couple is allowed one of each, but in that case, the two quickly follow each other, and only one has a party attached.) It is not a play to be performed for the glory of the actors, the niftiness of the costumes and the amusement of the audience. If it is to be treated respectfully, it should actually be happening. You should not be inviting guests to watch reruns. That said, Miss Manners will admit to being not quite as much of a killjoy as she likes to pretend. Her objection is to the repetition -- and therefore dilution -- of the ceremony, not to the celebration. Within months of the actual marriage, the couple may be guests of honor at a reception given by relatives or friends. When the year is up, and in other years following, they can give or be given anniversary parties. They can have champagne and cake if they like, and they can dress up (although the years-later assumption of bridal regalia should be reserved for those who have weight maintenance and indulgent friends). What they should not be doing is making a mockery of the marriage ceremony by holding mock ceremonies. They may be able to reproduce the starry-eyed look, but they will never manage that tiny note of "What am I doing?" that makes it exciting.

Simply Fated

ahhh Miss Manners, how I love thee."finally getting married"Hun, not to shock you or anything, but you are already married."guess we are leagally married"You guess you are legally married? You can stop the guessing... you are married. Signed, sealed delivered."and just want to have a wedding and reception"You already had a wedding... it was at the courthouse, remember?If you want to do a vow renewal ceremony, that's different... or if your mother wants to throw you a celebratory party, go for it...But please don't lie to your guests and lead them to believe you aren't married. Lying to your friends and family about your marital status isn't very nice.

karenvaiden

TO answer your question... I made a list of things I like and my FI likes, like colors, sports etc.  That's where I came up with my wedding colors.  Then looked at pictures with those colors on the Knot and started to get a real sense of what I liked.  Also as stated above use the checklist, it's a great starter!  And If your having a ceremony in Feb like me,  you may still be able to get a dress because not as many people wed/renew in Feb.  Or you can always rush order it.  Just ask the cost.  And don't forget those bride mags!  Good luck.

dsouldiva

Please read, re-read, and re-re-read the Miss Manners post until fully digested and comprehended.I would suggest working out whether you are actually married first and just clarifying that fact.If you are already married the reception is simply just a case of planning a party. Work out budget, find location, sort out food/drink and book entertainment.

jeannigirl

So you are already married so you had your wedding at the court house. Just have a Reception and sent out invites to all those you want to celebrate your Union.

aerinpegadrak

If "breaking up" would involve a lot of legal paperwork and a divorce court, you're married, whether you had a party or not.  If you want to have a reception, it's just a matter of planning the party.

kaynix21

This was a bad board to post on, people have quite strong opinions on this...lol. So I'll ignore all that and try and help you with your planning questions, since you've already gotten an earful on everythign else... If you want to a big thing, as your mother suggested, set a date. Pick a season you like, spring or summer, and set a date. You said you've got a church and minister, so that's good. Look at your church, see what colors might look nice with it. Or what season it is, summery colors or spring colors. Or if you do small in December, white and silver or blue might look good. Or, if you've always had a picture in your head about colors you might want, do that. I always had red in my head, and I didn't care what season it was in, I knew I wanted some red involved. The knot checklist has been really helpful for me. Check that out!!