Is is wrong to have a Thursday wedding??

holovach1

My FI and I picked our date without looking at a calander. Our wedding will be in June 2011. We chose a date that is VERY special to me. And we have to wait till 2011 when my brother will be able to join us and walk me down the isle. The date is in the summer so school should not be an obstical. I have spoken with his family who most are OOT and none of them have an issue, but my mother is throwing a fit. She lives with me so there is no travel involved but she doesn't want to take a day off work. She can take days off even half days without any real problems. We even agreed to do a late wedding to make it easier. I understand that if I can't find a venue available I will change it but should I change it just to make her happy?

Leah&Christian09

A Thursday wedding is a huge inconvenience to guests.  Many will take the time off work, but why would you want to make them use their vacation days on you?  If people do it for budget reasons, then they do it understanding that a large portion will decline, and that's cool.  To create a huge inconvenience because of the significance of the calendar date is pretty rude.

aerinpegadrak

Mid-week weddings aren't unheard of.  I think you would need to run it by all of the people who you absolutely have to have there.  If all of them are fine with it, then great.  If other people have a problem with it, you'll probably need to change it.  (If she's literally the only person who seems to have a problem with it, you may want to have another talk with her and decide then.)Whatever date you get married on will be a special date.  You don't really need to worry about choosing something you see as meaningless; you getting married that day will give it meaning.

holovach1

From everyone I have talked to noone seems to have a problem, infact my FI family regularly take weeks off of work just to stop in and visit so they are all fine with it. My family are all retired or can easily take time off expecially with a 2 year notice. The day is my father's birthday, we were very close. It is my way of having him there with me. I feel that this is more why my mother has an issue but I feel that she needs to understand how important it is to me.

goheels05

I agree with Seabass 100%.I'm sorry your father passed away, but I don't understand what his birthday has anything to do with your wedding.  Your wedding anniversary is special no matter what the calendar date is.  You will always remember your father's birthday, but they are two separate events. Sure, your guests are saying it's no big deal now, but that's because your wedding is 2 years away, and they are also probably just being nice.  It's a huge inconvenience to travel mid-week for a wedding, and don't be surprised if they can't come even though they are saying now that they can.

trix1223

I get that the date is special to you.  But your wedding date will also become special to you.  I confess that I've never understood the determination to hold a wedding on a certain date, come hell or high water.It just seems contrived to me. For me-if I had to choose between a number on a calendar and having those I care most about share my wedding day with me.....well, there's really no choice.

jenn.daniel

You'll probably have fewer guests who are able to attend since they'll probably have to take off both Thurs and Fri. I don't see why your mom is making such a fuss though, it's not her wedding.

ohannahbanana

My wedding will be on a Thursday evening as well, and the majority of our guests will be OOT. I don't want to get married in my hometown and my parents understand that. I also understand though, that people may not be able to come. I'm fine with that. We're paying for our wedding ourselves, and planned for Thursday, and we're saving a ton of money. I think your mom has some time to get used to the idea, and plenty of time to accrue some vacation!

Stephileigh84

I say if the date is that important to you, then do it when you want!It's your wedding. The people that matter most will make themselves available to be there... and people take of work for less important reasons all the time!But NO you should NOT change it just to make her happy. It's not her day.

Stephileigh84

BTW... I think having the wedding on your father's birthday is a lovely sentiment to his memory.

lyndausvi

I wonder if mom is unhappy about the date you choose and not really that it is on a Thursday?   I also do not get why you need to pick that certain date.  If you never got married it would still be a special day right?   Why not make memories with a different date then you get 2 special days?Regardless, it's not wrong to have a wedding on a Thursday, it's just pretty inconvenient to your guests.

stina93446

Think about ALL your guests rather than just your mom and her inconvenience. However, she does make an excellent point. Those who want to come will probably have to take an extra day off work. If there are OOT guests, unless they are family, I see a lot of them RSVPing no. I'd probably rethink the date.

Nano78

My MOH had a thursday wedding and it was beautiful..She had it the old mill inn in basking ridge nj..she had a small wedding about 70 people..they were on a tight budget but they pulled it off! They understood if people could not make it and some didn't but it was gorgeous..

2010weddinggal

What makes it wrong for a Thursday? Most places recommend a weekday wedding not only is it more intimate because there is less people but it is also cheaper. Like other people said people take days off for much less taking one day off to watch to ppl vow to spend the rest of their life together. I think they will come. Mine is on a Monday and ppl have no problem coming as it is just that it is our wedding day and they are all happy they are going to be there to help us celebrate.

mrsandersentobe

Ultimately, it is up to you and your FI. I would say that you will likely have guests who choose not to come, rather than take the extra day off work, especially if they are traveling. Also, in town guests may leave the reception earlier than normal because they have work the next morning. As long as you are aware and fine with that, then go for it. Regarding your father's birthday, you are the only one that knows what will work for you, in feeling that he is there with you that day. You can always have a special moment for him, if you choose not to go with that day.  A memorial candle or flower for him, or wear something of his, a piece of jewelry, fabric from a shirt sewed into your dress or wrapped around your bouquet, etc.My last thought...wedding planning is a stressful times between brides and Mom's. My Mom and I have fought WAY more than Iever thought we would. Do your best not to start the battle right at the beginning. It will be a long planning period! GL!

holovach1

Thank you everyone for your opinion. My Mom got rid of all his stuff years ago, so I have nothing of his. I am wearing his mother's pearls though.  Mid week we have found will be cheaper. And most of the family will be taking an entire week off work anyway to stay and visit. Besides his family takes a week off at a whim to come down and go to Busch Gardens with us so I would hope they would put in the same effort for our wedding. We are only inviting 80 people, family and close friends, and they all want us to be happy. My FI feels that if people don't show then oh well. But it is still not set in stone. I still have over a year and a half and will start calling Venues and speak more with my pastor in January so I can get a better idea of what will be possible.   Again thank you so much. I will think about everything yall have said before really making a final decission.

holovach1

And yes my Mother is upset with the date, she says that my father's birthday isn't important. She even gets mad if I go to his gravesite. She got really upset with me when a few years back I contacted my half brother and we became very close. She never liked that I got along better with my father then with her. But she needsd to understand that this is my day. And both my brothers and extemely happy that I am doing this on his birthday, expecially my half brother being he never had a chance to know his father.

kmmssg

While I do think some won't make it because it is during the week, I think you are fine if you send STD's AND if you are extremely gracious about anyone who declines the invite.  The line of "they will be there if they are important to you" or whatever doesn't really work though.  People have obligations, limited vacation time, etc that plays into attending a weekday wedding.  As long as you keep that in mind, do whatever works for you. About your mom........after your last post, I don't think this has a thing to do with vacation time.  She is ticked that you are including your father, and it's apparent that she didn't like him - sounds like they split, right? The next time she tells you she doesn't want to take the day off, just tell her "that's unfortunate that you can't be bothered to take the day off.  You will be missed."  Then walk away.  When she sees you are serious and you aren't going to change your mind, she'll give up eventually.

lyndausvi

ditto kmmsg - I HATE when people say 'if it's important enough they will be there'.   Umm.... life is not that simple.   Saturday weddings are popular because most people have all that day, thus do extra time needing to be taken off.  It's okay not to have Saturday wedding.  I just do not buy in the opinion that if someone can not make it to a wedding during the week or on a holiday weekend it's because they think you (or the event) are not important enough.

kmmssg

Lynda - my fave example of that is: My stepdaughter planned a 5 pm Friday wedding.  My oldest DD had gotten married 3 months earlier and was probationary on her job.  Her boss was awesome about giving her some time off for the wedding but made it clear that aside from that, there will be NO time off in the first 90 days.  She got off work at 5 pm.....more than an hour away from stepdd's wedding.  She couldn't attend.  But then again, a LOT of people couldn't make it because of the timing.  That is why I say you MUST be gracious about those who decline to attend weekday or Friday afternoon weddings. What is important is their love/friendship/support of you and your marriage, not whether or not they made the party.

aerinpegadrak

The other thing to keep in mind about weekday weddings is the rehearsal and dinner, which usually happen the night before.  Depending on where your guests are coming from and the necessary travel arrangements, they might have to take a half to full day off work the day before your wedding as well.  Plus, unless they want to go to the airport immediately from the reception, they'll probably have to take the day after the wedding off as well.  So for your one day, you're actually asking guests to take up to three days off.This isn't really directed at you, holovach, more to anyone who might come across this post considering something similar.  You've already said that most of your guests are planning to take the entire week off, so which particular day you have the wedding won't really matter.  It sounds like your issue is more your mother's problems with your late father, and how that's affecting you.  That's something you'll have to confront your mother about, probably leaving the wedding out of it entirely.

lyndausvi

I remember that Kmmssg. It's one of the dumpest responses people can say.  Just because someone can't make it does not mean the person does not find the wedding important.  Things are not that black and white.

autzen1024

Hi, I don't post here, usually I am at the DW board. We are doing a Thursday wedding in 2011. We are doing a DW though. Have you thought about making your wedding a kind of long week end event? Our guest will already be on their "vacation" wedding week so mid week isn't a problem. GL!!

holovach1

I noticed that kmmssg asked if my parents were split, and surprisingly enough they were not. They were always arguing about one thing or another but no big fights. I never understood why they stayed together, but my Aunt mentioned once that he was worried he wouldn't see me and my younger brother again. My mom was adament about him having no contact with his oldest son, my half brother after they were married, I didn't even know about him till I was 16. My mother believes that once a person had dies that you shouldn't visit the grave becasue they aren't really there and thier birthdays and Anniversary's are no longer important. Basically once they are gone they are gone. I don't feel that way, his memory will always be with me. Most of my friends can make it because they are all local and work jobs were they can take a weekday off easier then a Sat or Sun. Sorry about making it sound like I ment if they couldn't be there they didn't care. My FI and his family are VERY close so if they can be there they will. And yes I will be very gracious and understaning if anyone can't make it. Thank you everyone for your input. Once I call vendors I will have a better idea of what I can do.

kmmssg

Wow - I was really confused.  When you mentioned your half brother and your mother's less than warm and fuzzy feelings toward him I assumed they had divorced and he had remarried.  Sorry about that.

squirrly

I understand wanting to do something special to include your father in your wedding, but I think there are a lot of options that would be really special aside from just the date.  My recommendation - have the wedding on Saturday and the rehearsal on Thursday night & honor him that way, along with a lovely memory table, etc. at the reception.  Your mother needs to be reminded that while she can choose to grieve in any way she wants, not everyone else has to follow her lead.  I get the feeling you've had the conversation with her before, but you might let her know that you aren't honoring him to spite her or her wishes - but that you view it differently and it is as important to you to remember him as it is to her to move on so completely.

phoeny_moonstar

To answer simply, no it's not wrong to have a Thursday wedding. But I would expect your attendance to be lower than if it was on a sat.

ffmaid

No it is not wrong to have a thursday wedding. However it comes with a lot of trade offs. A bride and groom have the responsibility to plan for the event that woudl make them happiest. Pros of thursday wedding 1. cheaper 2. on significant date to you cons 1. your mom will be upset 2. guests are less likely to be able to attend 3. Even if guests attend you are requiring each guest to spend 5% of their yearly vacation on you at least and that is a lot to require 4. the most memorable thing about your wedding will not be how lovely or wonderful instead your wedding will be remembered almost exclusely for being a thursday and a hassle. 5 wedding party are unlikely to attend rehersal dinners and maybe even wedding might have to decline WP honor 6. Those with kids are almost certainly unable to attend due to school 7. those who do attend will leave early as it is a worknight Now if that is a trade off that is worth it to you then there is nothing wrong with a thursday wedding. But plan for the wedding you want. You must not be upset that people can not or will not attend if you plan for them not be able to easy attend. Also think how many people on your guest list would you honestly attend their special occasion on a thursday? would you travel for?

ellenb09

I see nothing wrong with a Thursday night wedding.  I am actually getting married this Dec 30th, which is a Wed night.  I checked with my OOT people and people in town and no one said anything against it. I have always wanted an evening wedding and with the holidays being on Friday this year( I am Catholic so a Sat night wedding is more difficult ) this is the date I picked.  I realized when I chose it that some people would not be able to make it and I am fine with that and it is actually easier for my OOT people b/c they will be here for the holiday.  I do find it somewhat strange that your Mother won't take a day off work for your wedding. I think you should pick the day you want and take everything into consideration and then decide. 

jbwed1

I am doing a Thursday wedding as well. It's convenient and easy in my case, b/c we are only inviting immediate family and they say 'do whatever you want! Just tell us when to show up and we'll be there!" So everyone is ok with it, and it's less expensive for us. They are going to end up staying the entire week with us. And, because our wedding will be smaller, our reception site will be less crowded (we are most likely having the reception at nice restaurant in a private room.) I think it very much depends on what YOU want. That being said, I don't think you necessarily need to plan it on a specific date for it to be memorable and honor your father. I think it's wonderful if you want to do so, but I also think that if it causing a major problem with your mother, you might want to check into some other options before finalizing your decision. I *think* (not knowing your mother at all..) that she would probably attend either way, and she may just be putting up some resistance in the early stages..hoping you will change your mind down the road. Good luck with whatever choice you make!

lilcassers

that is ridiculous... your mom is complaining about taking off work for her daughters wedding? umm no, don't change it, this is your day!