Major Dilema about Finances

soflyawayforever

So my Fiance and I have been living on our own for a while (ever since I graduated from High school and moved to college). Since then the economy has taken the major hit that has put me out of work even with two degrees. I am almost 22 and my parents have offered us rent free living at their house. the problem arises that we live in NorCal, and they live in horrible Southern California. Despite this, we would no longer be sharing a bed, or even a room. Is the loss of sanity worth moving back home? Should we suck it up and take the opportunity to save up for our wedding and hopefully our new life further along the north west coast? Or should we struggle a bit financially working cruddy jobs but still have our independence and our freedom?Please give me your advice...... my bank account is slowly draining...

Mrs.B6302007

YOu would have to live in separate rooms?I'd pass.

tidetravel

IF you decide to stay with your parents, make sure that there is a definate time period involved - say you're going to move in for 6 months or a year.  It will make you more focused on the long term goal of saving money, rather than simply living with your parents indefinately and getting comfortable not paying expenses.Also - keep in mind that living with parents = living under their roof and according to their rules.  Only you can decide if that is worth your freedom.

Leah&Christian09

So you are out of work, but what about your FI?  I wouldn't move back in with my parents, and they're only 15 minutes away.  I wouldn't be willing to give up our ability to live our lives our way.  For us, part of being married and our own family is learning how to take care of each other on our own without depending on our parents.Moving miles away to get back to your parents' house would just reinforce the dependancy, IMO.

tafft1

i have been in both situations and only you can decide if losing some of your freedom is worth it in the logn run. Some people can do it easily , others not so much. While i am old fashioned and respect why your parents would ask about the separate rooms as it is their home they are offering , perhaps still a compromise can be made.It is hard right now for everyone and i know this choice will not be an easy one but i would sit down , and have a long talk with your FI and your family and all together even if only over the phone to discuss everything. i wish you luck in whatever you decide but having a roof over your head could be more important in the long run.

Kati0105

What do you find so horrible about Southern California, if I might ask?

Night_Sprite

Can you apply to other jobs to get you by?  What have you already tired?  I'd sooner have a weird job than never be able to have sex again.

redheadfsu

Only you can decide...But I would do everything I could b/f I had to move back home. My parents would act like parents, not like a landlord. I would go BSC in a month.  I just could not do it. Separate rooms? Oh hell no.

squirrly

I, personally, would do anything under the sun (and legal) to avoid moving home.  Living with FI's parents would suck, but not nearly as badly as living with mine.  It's something you have to decide for yourself, but me personally - I'd have a JOP wedding and keep my independence before moving home.

soflyawayforever

Currently I live in West Sonoma County among the redwoods, along the russian river, 10 minutes from the coast. My parents live in Santa Clarita valley, home of magic mountain and ridiculous weather. I am the type of person who loves cloudy days and rain more than anything and SCV is severely lacking in them.

Leah&Christian09

FWIW, I wouldn't have had an issue with moving back in with my parents when I was single.  In fact, I did move in with them for a year between undergrad and grad school to save up some money.  It's the doing it with FI/DH that makes all the difference to me.

soflyawayforever

Also to add, I have a degree in Design, and have looked at all design firms and architeture(my true love) firms, I have also applied at Cost Plus, Safeway, etc. If (and hopefully when) I find a job, I intend to go back to school for my masters, I'm just so up to my eyeballs in debt that it's hard to see past $500 a month payments just in school loans.I really appreciate the responses, please feel free to give more advice.

megk8oz

If it were me, I would personally exhaust every other option (Cruddy/multiple jobs, eating lots of Ramen), including putting the wedding on the backburner, before I would move back home. I think the only "relief" I would prefer moving home to would be taking on a room mate (Which if you and your FI don't mind doing so, then maybe explore this option) ... because I'd at least know what I was up against at my parents house, and I do NOT adjust well to "new" people (I don't think I could even live with most of my good friends).This being said, I'm also the only one of my parents 5 children that's NOT living at home (My sibs are 9, 18, 19 and 27) at the moment, plus my infant niece lives there as well. So even if FI and I managed to get a room together (And to ourselves!), I still wouldn't be able to pee without being interrupted. Which I didn't like it when I lived there, I certainly don't want to deal with it now.Bottom line: only you and your FI can decide if the move is worth it (Have you asked him what he thinks about this?). Best wishes!

Leah&Christian09

Are your student loans federal?  I just consolidated mine and went on a income contingent plan.  My payments dropped dramatically.  They're about 1/4 of what they were.  Have you explored this?

lilcassers

lol you are going to get a zillion answers on this one. I would TOTALLY move back home. Screw sharing the bed.. you have your whole life together to do that.. and many couples even put a stop to that in mid life haha. I am all about saving money, and that means more for your wedding!

aerinpegadrak

My mother and I get along FANTASTICALLY now that we live in different states.  We talk on the phone, we email, we're very open and friendly and puppies and rainbows.  When we're in the same zip code, we can stand each other for precisely three days before we start to get stabby.  (She says she misses me and wishes I live closer, I think her memory's starting to go if that's the case.)When FI and I were looking for apartments, we very seriously entertained the idea of a roommate or two, because we couldn't find anything in our price range.  It would have cut costs significantly, and we figured we could handle the lack of privacy.  We ended up being able to find a place that we could afford, but for a very long time we were pretty convinced that a roommate was the only way.Sit down and take a serious look at your budget, at where you can cut back and perhaps ways that you can bring in a bit of extra money.  It may not be as dire as you think.SoCal's not that bad.  It kind of grows on you.  Like a fungus.  (The Valley is kind of icky, though, but prettier stuff is a short drive away.)

soflyawayforever

So to answer some more questions;no, my loans are all private bank loans and therefore consolidating them would make them about 300 a month instead of $500 but i haven't been able to get my parents to cosign for me just yet.Our finances are not as dire as they seem, and if I could find a job I think we'd be slightly better off, however, a roommate is not feasible where we live (far too many pot growers and whatnot) and there are no apartments that rent for cheaper than what we have now. I guess we're just running out of options... I need to find a job regardless..... *heavy sigh*

glam70s

I absolutely wouldn't even consider it, with my parents. Not even if FI and I would be sharing a room, but it would never even cross my mind to consider accepting if we had to live in separate rooms. My mother and I despise each other when we're living under the same roof, but get along splendidly when we don't. Not only would that be crazy stressful for me and my mother, but I couldn't put my dad and FI through that.That said, I would consider living with my FI's parents. I practically lived there during high school anyway and I know they would give us absolute freedom to live how we wanted. But even so, there would be problems. Privacy, for one. I like being able to go get a drink in nothing but a bathrobe if I want. I also could not accept their help if there was even the slightest chance I could squeak by without it. I'd have to be living in a refrigerator box before I would accept having anyone else pay my bills. I would feel overwhelmingly guilty any time I went out for dinner or bought a new pair of shoes.So I guess it comes down to the type of family you have. I would never consider living with my family, but my FI's family could possibly be made to work..

niffycat

I moved back into my parents house when I was single. If I was still single, and in trouble, I *might* consider it again. But, I would never move in with them while in a relationship. My thoughts are that I don't need my parents finding out the dirty details of my relationship with my husband, and I don't need to know theirs.

zitiqueen

What's more important to you, the wedding or the marriage? Because a marriage license and a JOP ceremony at the courthouse will only set you back about fifty bucks.

jenn.daniel

Consider your sanity! 'nough said.

amymelissa2002

I say stick it out...this rough time will prepare you for married life.  When my sister and her BF moved back home (she had to have surgery) it was awful. My mother was painfully involved in thier relationship and she had no privacy. The same thing happened to me.You guys will be fine, it will be hard, but you will be fine.Plus ...not sleeping together anymore??? That is a flag right there that your relationship will be strained.

faith194

DH's parents suggested I move in when I was 22, so I didn't have to rent an apartment during grad school(prior to that, I was living on campus during undergrad). I was hesitant at first, but it really worked out for the best. DH and I had only been dating 2 or so years at the time, I lived in the guest room, and it only lasted 9 months. It was a great experience, and we had privacy and I did my fair share of the household chores and cooking. Granted, we only lived there for 9 months. It wasn't a long term situation. I got a job in a city about an hour and  a half away, and dh and I moved into a tiny apartment.I would think long and hard about it, though. I wouldn't do it now, unless both of us lost our job and exhausted all other possibilities. We had an opportunity to move back in after I got a job back in this area(we had to rush and buy a house or rent a house without our dog or move back in with them). We chose to buy a house, and we've been quite happy. We are both glad we didn't choose to move back in(not because of a bad experience).

cath3888

I would sooner chew off my own arm than move back in with my parents.

brownhenry

I did it. We don't have to sleep in seperate rooms but I live with my grandmother (in her basement) she smokes like a chimney and we had to put almost 4000 (which we are slowly paying off) into the downstairs just to make it liveable. I think it was worth it though because we have already saved 3000 in a month. Things do suck but we are just gonna huff it out and once we have the wedding paid for we will buy a house. It does suck living under someone elses roof but if you really want to save an unbelieveable amount of money its the way to go in my opinion.