Bridal Shower Attendants

snowbunnykp

I'm having a destination wedding in October of 2010 and a small reception there, due to the location that we are having it we can only have a maximum of 50 guests. When we return in November 2010 we will be having a large reception for all of our family and friends. I know the rule about not inviting people to the bridal shower that aren't invited to the wedding, however what if they are invited to the large receiption, would it still be ok to invite them to the bridal shower?

Leah&Christian09

No.  You only invite them if they are invited to the actual wedding.

Kristin789

Ditto Leah. And be sure to include an RSVP for the November "second reception" - because in my area, people who are not good enough to be invited/included in the real wedding ceremony won't come to a gift collection party. Some brides here have planned for a "large reception for "all our family and friends" and they expect 200 people, but they get like 50.

banana468

I have to agree with PPs.  I think when you decide to have an intimate destination wedding, you decide to keep all of the pre-wedding events intimate.  FWIW, I can tell you from first hand experience that my ILs are friends with  a couple who have a daughter having a destination wedding and the MOB is already talking about a shower guest list that more than doubles the wedding guest list.  It's leaving MIL and some mutual friends with a rather bad taste in their mouths.

aerinpegadrak

I'm in exactly the same boat.  We decided to invite only the DW guest list to the shower.  However, I think I'm going to extend the invite to the bachelorette party to the AHR guest list for two reasons: 1) it's not a gift-giving event, and 2) that guest list is much younger, and would probably be more offended to be excluded because an etiquette book said I should.If you want a larger shower for the girly tea party aspect and not the gifts aspect, you could let the hosts know that you would prefer a giftless shower.  (It seems weird, but they happen.)  In that case, I would think it would be fine to invite the AHR list.

snowbunnykp

You all make very valid points, however I am still on the fence as the bachelorette party isn't an option as it is not the younger generation I am worried about involving, it is the older generation. I know that most of them cannot make the trip to the destination due to illnesses and such but I want to include them in the experience, not for the gifts but for the memories. My family and extended family has always been super close and I am worried about offending them if they are not invited, but on the other hand offending them if they are. My fiance is not close with his extended family at all and the family that he is close to will be invited as they are direct relatives. That explains my hesitation both ways a little more. I'm so confused.

trix1223

sorry snowbunny, but your followup didn't change what would have my opinion from the start.You are CHOOSING to have a DW.  No one is forcing you to do that.  When you make a choice, you also choose to live with the consequences.One of the consequences of a DW is a smaller guest list, and very small pre-wedding parties if any.If you want the bigger shower, have a wedding that your guests can actually attend.

Mrs.B6302007

My family and extended family has always been super close and I am worried about offending them if they are not invited, but on the other hand offending them if they areThen you should have chosen to get married locally where they could all attend.

banana468

Snowbunny, keep in mind that it's the older generation who are more likely to be offended that they're invited to the shower but not the big event.That doesn't meant that  DW is wrong - but attempting to involve people in pre-wedding events when they won't be invited to the big event is wrong.

jenn.daniel

Have an engagement party. Gifts aren't given at those, at least not that I'm aware of.

Mrs.B6302007

Even e-parties should be limited to only wedding guests.

banana468

Jenn, Mrs. B is absolutely correct.  E-party guests must be invited to the wedding (the ceremony & the reception). Plus, a couple does not throw their own e-party.  It's a party thrown for them.

aerinpegadrak

It sounds like if your older guests are going to be offended, they're going to be offended by not being invited to the WEDDING, period.  Not getting invited to the bridal shower is just part of that.  You'll have to either invite them to the DW or deal with their disappointment.

trix1223

For the life of me, I just realized that the OP is asking about people coming to a bridal shower....as in attendance.  I've been trying to figure out how having a destination wedding translated to just having a WP at the shower~as in attendants.

Mrs.B6302007

Oh, you're right. I wondered why her title didn't really go with her post.

snowbunnykp

Thank you every one for your input. I have came to the conclusion I can't make everyone happy. We are having a DW, because it's half way between his family and mine, so that one side or the other didn't get hurt. We're not running off to some exotic island or anything we're going to TN which seemed like the most logical thing to do since it's 6 hours for each family, I guess with trying to make things fair it turns out to be unfair in the end. Thanks again.