Can you call it being engaged if you don't have the ring??

knudsonjb

So my question is can I call myself engaged if I don't have my engagement ring??  To clarify, it's not like I'm just calling myself engaged for the sake of saying I'm getting married....my boyfriend and I have already set our wedding date and booked the reception place.  He is saving money to get my ring and doesn't have quite enough to get it yet, but we've already laid some critical groundwork.  I just don't know what to say when I tell people that we're getting married and of course the first thing they ask is to see me ring...."Well I actually don't have it yet, but it'll get here sometime?"  I want to tell people that we're getting married (I know I'm certailny excited), but is it weird to tell people if I don't have the ring?

andy71781

I was in your situation and I said that we were dating but getting close to being engaged.  There was a 2 month gap from the time we booked our place to when FI got down on one knee - because he wanted to do it his way (and totally suprised me). 

I would recommend that you wait until he does what he needs to do so that he would say that you were engaged. 

MISSCOURTNEY20

If he has asked you to marry him, and you said yes, then you are engaged. A ring does not make you engaged.

luckyme502

I have this thing, and it's just my opinion, that you are not really engaged unless you have a ring and a date. 

mrscarrasco2b

I didnt feel like i needed a ring, dont get me wrong when he got it i was thrilled, but it doesnt take away from the fact that you guys are ready to start a life together- no material thing can make it more real. good luck!

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-call-being-engaged-dont-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:14df398c-645a-437c-b376-a012d273e972Post:737c8286-d3b0-4cfb-ad3b-5000e6f69156">Can you call it being engaged if you don't have the ring??</a>:
[QUOTE]So my question is can I call myself engaged if I don't have my engagement ring??  To clarify, it's not like I'm just calling myself engaged for the sake of saying I'm getting married....my boyfriend and I have already set our wedding date and booked the reception place.  He is saving money to get my ring and doesn't have quite enough to get it yet, but we've already laid some critical groundwork.  I just don't know what to say when I tell people that we're getting married and of course the first thing they ask is to see me ring...."Well I actually don't have it yet, but it'll get here sometime?"  I want to tell people that we're getting married (I know I'm certailny excited), but is it weird to tell people if I don't have the ring?
Posted by knudsonjb[/QUOTE]

A ring isn't mandatory to be engaged. Some couples don't get a ring at all. As long as you both agree you're engaged, you're engaged. If anyone gives you crap about "Well, where is your ring?" Just tell them what you told us, that he is saving up for it.

In the meantime, sport one of these. Pretty <em>and</em> functional.
<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/13/7fd36484-c2aa-484b-add3-aff0e33da11a.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '7fd36484-c2aa-484b-add3-aff0e33da11a', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/13/7fd36484-c2aa-484b-add3-aff0e33da11a.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-call-being-engaged-dont-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:14df398c-645a-437c-b376-a012d273e972Post:9b369e5d-8ccb-4f5a-bafd-52da3f420797">Re: Can you call it being engaged if you don't have the ring??</a>:
[QUOTE]I have this thing, and it's just my opinion, that you are not really engaged unless you have a ring and a date. 
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

I agree with you!

I can also understand what the others are saying as well, but for me, a ring sealed the deal. When my now H moved out of state & wanted me to join him, I told him not until I had a ring. We were already talking about marriage anyway and he had been looking at rings. But sure enough, when he came back to visit a few months later, he proposed. But I also think it depends on an individual basis as well.

SaraAndrew2010

An engagement ring is not necessary for being engaged or married.  When my parents married, my mom did not have an engagement ring.  Being engaged means that you are committed to getting married.  In my opinion, if you have both agreed to get married and are actively planning the wedding, you are engaged. 

However, you will find that a soon as you tell people you are engaged, a lot of them will ask to see the ring.  If it makes you uncomfortable explaining to them that you don't have a ring yet, you can hold off calling yourself engaged until you get a ring.

LalaLondon

In my opinion, you are engaged when one person asks the other "will you marry me" and the asked person accepts.  When my fiance proposed to me, he did not have a ring and we did not immediately set a date for the wedding.  But first thing the next morning I called everyone to tell them that I got engaged. 

tldh

A ring doesn't make you engaged, the decsion to marry does.  We made the decision to live in the state FI moved to and I wound up everything preparing for my own move after we decided to get married but before I had the ring.  He did get me a gorgeous ring a few months later.

blondie82784

If he doesnt have the money for the ring how do you guys have the money for a reception site and everything?

I agree, like some. That a proper engagement is a ring as well.. What are you going to do when someone ask to see your ring... " Oh sorry but my FI cant afford it yet.. But we do have a reception site"

SarahPLiz

A ring is an outward symbol of a private commitment. You don't need an outward symbol to make it real. Engagement rings are just a tradition.

megk8oz

If you've already booked a reception hall (Like put down a deposit for a specific date to have a wedding on), then I don't see how you aren't engaged. Clearly, you're planning on getting married, because what else would you be doing with a hall on that particular date x amount of time from now?

A ring does not make you engaged. The intent to marry does.


That being said, I wanted a ring. That's just how I am. And DH is one of those guys that feels you can't be engaged without one. So even though we knew we'd eventually get married (We didn't book anything, but we knew we wanted to get married) for quite some time, we didn't consider ourselves engaged until he proposed with a ring.

aerinpegadrak

From Wikipedia:

Betrothal rings were used during Roman times, but weren't generally revived in the Western world until the 13th century.^[1] The first well-documented use of a diamond ring to signify engagement was by the Archduke Maximilian of Austria in imperial court of Vienna in 1477, upon his betrothal to Mary of Burgundy.^[1]

Before the 20th century, other types of betrothal gifts were common. Before the end of the 19th century, the bride-to-be frequently received a sewing thimble rather than a engagement ring.^[1] This practice was particularly common among religious groups that shunned jewelry. Engagement rings didn't become standard in the West until the end of the 19th century, and diamond rings didn't become common until the 1930s.^[1] Now, 80% of American women are offered a diamond ring to signify engagement.^[1]

 

In other words, the idea that ring = engagement is just slightly over 100 years old.  Women have been getting engaged for millenia without them.

meganyani

I love random historical facts! thanks.

My parents never had an engagement ring and they did fine. They had both finished their masters degrees so getting a house and life established was more important than a diamond. /shrug.


If you feel weird about people asking to see something, then don't mention it. Otherwise I think a "I dont have it yet" with a smile should suffice.

deepcovejackie

If you have a fiance, you're engaged.  You don't need a ring as "proof". Some people choose just to have a wedding band, and no engagement ring.  I almost was going to choose that route, but FI surprised me with a beautiful ring that I would never part with now.  Congrats and happy planning.

ps--as someone mentioned earlier, plan the wedding you can afford, and your stress level will be the better for it.

vegasgroom

It sounds like the only reason you don't have a ring is because he can't afford one yet?  If we're talking some huge thing, tell him to scale it back, but if it's something reasonable and it's still an issue, I'd go into marriage very cautious; financial issues are one of the biggest causes of marital problems and if you two are completely broke before you even get married, things could be difficult.

NillaWafer10

I probably would say that we a close to getting engaged just to simplify matters.  In your own heart, you know you are, but it helps you avoid the awkward questions.

P.S. Good for FI for saving up for a ring instead of putting it on credit.  We know a couple that are still paying off the ring a year after the wedding. Yikes!

orangecrayon

I say i'm "pre-engaged" only because I actually am. He had "proposed" in the traditional Lebanese way, where he came with his parents and they asked permission from my parents to have me for their son, and I did say yes. But he still hasn't given me the ring because tradtionally they give the ring at the engagement party, where his parents put on my band and my dad puts on his band.

So to me, your engaged with/without a ring. It really all depends on what you and your FI have decided between your selves.

Congrats on your engagement!

mysticl

You don't need a ring to be engaged.  My mom and her husband have been married since 1993.  She has a wedding ring but not an engagement ring.  Does that make it invalid since she doesn't have an e-ring? 

Blondie, maybe they are choosing to spend the money their reception venue before the ring to make sure they get the place they want.  I respect someone who says we have other priorities in our relationship to spend money on and can wait for the jewelry.

kyguyspointofview

ok my soon to be wife and I were "engaged" for almost 3 months before she had a ring. We talked seriously about getting married set a date, talked about the wedding..etc. We told our friends and family before she had a ring. All the ring does is a kinda "I'm taken" symbol to everyone else..

HKD817

Who cares about a ring, seriously. You two are getting married and it is smart of you both to save first instead of just putting yourself in debt to buy a ring just for the sake of having a ring. The ring is not whats important here. so many people lose sight of that. I personally hate when the first thing out of someones mouth is "let me see the ring!"

amyl2585

Does your FI think you are engaged? When we booked our venue in March we were not engaged. FI and I discussed holding off to tell everyone that we booked it until we were "officially engaged."
He wanted to ask my parents permission and such before asking me to marry him. This was important to him so I understood. Talk to him and make the decision to tell people together.
Then who cares what others think. It your life not theirs. If your happy without a ring, then everyone should be happy for you.