Whining 'maids

MrsAuthement2b

2 outta my 6 girls are complaining about the price of their dress. I searched for the lowest price and got $135. Am I being unreasonable by asking them to pay that? One actually suggested we look at thrift stores!! I was FLOORED! Thrift stores really? How do I handle this?

psichick

you ask each one individually what they are comfortable spending. you don't know their financial situation. $135 might not be a lot to you, but it might be a ton to someone else. get the budget first, THEN dress shop.

bbyckes

If they can't afford it, they can't afford it.  There are probably some women on this board that are doing just that - going to thrift stores.  So, you might want to be a little more conscious about what you turn your nose up at.

As far as what you should do.  Talk to your friends, I'm assuming they're your friends and not really your maids, right?  And come up with a compromise.  It won't be any fun if no one budges and no one can afford the dress and they're sitting in rows as guests instead of standing up by your side, right?

katieanne85

how old are your bridesmaids? fresh out of college when my friends started getting married, 135 meant I had to skimp on groceries for a couple weeks, and I get whiny when Im hungry. Add to that alterations and any travel, lodging, shoes, makeup, hair, etc, and it puts a strain on anyones finances.
I would see if you can work with them to find a option thatworks for them, since you are having them as bridesmaids because their your friends and you love them ,not because they look good in a dress, I assume.

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_whineing-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:15bcf0fd-824a-4488-b6ad-05eddf1d9d86Post:58651670-69dc-4512-8e3c-58d7bc213beb">Whining 'maids</a>:
[QUOTE]2 outta my 6 girls are complaining about the price of their dress. I searched for the lowest price and got $135. Am I being unreasonable by asking them to pay that? One actually suggested we look at thrift stores!! I was FLOORED! Thrift stores really? How do I handle this?
Posted by MrsAuthement2b[/QUOTE]

reddswifey

wow my girls would have loved you lol 7 of my girls paid about 185 for their dresses; my matron, and two maids paid 200. everyone was originally gonna pay the 185 but DB messed up and i ended up having to go to alfred angelo. i'm glad those 3 were ok with paying for the dress, they said they absolutely loved it!!

http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=b58db669-9261-4440-9877-de14ff242b06&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=1&colorId1=

Audrey&Austin

When you're spending anywhere from $500-5,000 for a wedding dress (just the general range) sometimes its easy to think you're lettign your maids off easy with a $135 dress. Have you tlaked with them about what they can afford? Maybe a couple of them feel that it is just too much for them right now, especially with the economy in this thing called the toilet. I know most of my maids probably can affordy the dresses I've picked out, but I've offered to help them where I can. Is this something you might be able to do? Be willing to talk with them about budgets, even if its tough.

michaela48

Honestly you shouldn't even be thinking about this yet. Your wedding isn't for 18 months, you are way ahead of yourself. You shouldn't have picked out your bridesmaids yet either.. But since you did, you have a lot of time to find dresses in their budget.

ndnikki06

You have a LONG time to get dresses.  I found mine for $79 at David's Bridal when changing seasons.  At the end of summer you can find some of the shorter dresses on sale and same for end of winter.  I would keep looking.  Your price isn't horrible but you can def get some at a lower price.  Remember, they have to pay for alterations, shoes, hair, etc. on top of that price.  You've got awhile to look!  Good luck!

Muffin'sMom

Or, you could pay the difference.  My daughter's BP were young and broke.  They said they could afford 100 dollars.  The dress my daughter fell in love with was 160 dollars.  My daughter paid the difference...with a smile.  She wanted them with her and loving her, not broke and resentful.

Jenni.Adams

I'm floored at your attitude personally. You may not have been meaning it this way but you sound like a complete snob, I certainly hope you had more class IRL then to tell your BMS that they have to spend x amount of money on your dress and if they can't then tough luck because you couldn't dare shop at a thrift store!

How about if you require them to get a dress that is out of their budget then you pay for it? They have x amount that their budget allows them to spend on YOUR wedding let them choose a dress in that price range for heavens sake they are supposed to be your friends so how bout you act like a friend and not a spoiled brat. I'm a full time student working part time and since rent has to be paid if you asked me to spend that much on a dress for YOUR wedding I would either eat only ramen for 3 weeks or not have gas for about a month. Your friends were being nice by suggesting a thrift shop because I would have told you to take a hike because a real friend would want to work with my budget for what I coud afford to stand up next to you on YOUR wedding day

I keep putting YOUR in caps because it is your day not theirs. You did not do them some great honor by allowing them to be your BMS they are doing you an honor by standing up on your wedding day

Minimax052910

You have plenty of time to do this. Hold off on the dresses. 18 months is way too early for this. You'd change your mind after a long time, some of them may gain weight or lose weight...and who knows, maybe one of them will get pregnant! My bridesmaids didn't even order their dresses until Jan of this year and the wedding isn't until this month. That's about 4.5 months.

As far as budget, you need to talk to each one of them in PRIVATE. Ask them kindly what budget they have for a dress. Be patient and listen to them, they're doing you a honor by standing up for you.

If they can't afford what you want you should consider paying for the difference. And DO NOT tell others if you are paying for one or two of them, because this can cause problems with "how come you're not paying for mine?" AND it'd cause embarassment for that person you're paying for.

One of my FI's GM is in a really tight financial situation. My FI knew before he asked him to be his GM, but it's since it's a honor to my FI, we insisted on paying for his tux rental. He may no idea that he's the only one that we're paying for, but there's no need to tell him, no need to make him feel embarassed or inferior to the rest of the WP. Nobody else knows about this either, because there's no need to.

novellas

i've tried them before, but i've never been consistent. they do work though, you just gotta keep it up!

MyNameIsNot

Yes, you are being unreasonable.  You are supposed to ask them for a budget, and then choose a dress.  Of course, all of this should be happening this time next year.

If the dress is over what they tell you they can afford, you should pay the difference.  

And going to the thrift store is an excellent idea.  Since BM dresses are normally only worn once, you can find a ton of stuff.  Maybe you should stop being such a snob and get your priorities in order.

goheels05

Know your crowd.  Like others said, if all your friends are fresh out of college, being in someone's wedding is expensive and can be a major drain on finances.  It's not just the $135 dress, it's travel, shower gifts, wedding gifts, bachelorette parties, and possibly shoes, jewelry, nails, and hair. 

I had 2 unemployed bridesmaids, one who was underemployed, and one who was teaching and in grad school, and NC teachers get paid squat.  I knew I had to be resourceful.  I found $50 dresses, and they were really pretty, and from Ann Taylor.  Regular price they had been $300. 

If your bridesmaids are asking to buy thrift store dresses, consider giving them a color, color family, or a couple of colors to choose from, and tell them to buy whatever they want.  Lots of brides on the boards have done that, and it looks really cool. 

jenn.daniel

You're being unreasonable.  You handle it by finding less expensive dresses after you ask each individually what she can afford.  If one can only afford $20, you pay the difference. 

There's nothing wrong with thrift stores.  Honestly, I'll be looking at Target if I can't find a sale at Ann Taylor like goheels.

aerinpegadrak

I told my girls to find any black dress.  My sister found hers at a thrift store for about $20, it was beautiful and she loved it.  One of the girls wore a dress that she already owned.  My two plus sized girls were on very tight budgets and couldn't find anything that they liked, that fit, and that they could afford, so I kicked in a bit to help them out.  In other words, you're being unreasonable and inflexible.

You do realize that you're potentially asking your closest friends to possibly choose between paying rent, paying essential bills, eating, etc. and buying a dress?  If they're telling you that $135 is a hardship, you need to respect that.  They've accepted a title, they haven't turned over their checkbooks to you.  It is NONE of your business how your friends spend their money, period.  Including how they spend money on your wedding.

If this dress is that important to you, allow them to search for the dress on their own (they can likely find the same dress used online), or find out how much they can comfortably contribute and then pay the rest yourself.  But you're about a year away from a sane timeframe to pick dresses anyway.  It's a good bet that the dress that your friends can't afford now is not the one they'll be wearing for the wedding.

xoxob

AERIN! How was the wedding?!

kbj88

Honestly, YES, you are being unreasonable. I personally could never ask my bridesmaids to pay that much money for a dress. If im buying it for myself, sure its not too much, but to ask..no wait...tell someone else that they need to spend X amount is kind of rude.  I can understand that you probably wouldnt want to go to Value Village or the sally ann for your BM dresses, but look around. I found a designer consignment boutique in my town and the had some stunning wedding dresses, prom dresses ect...i bought my veil for $10!! (beats $275) and it was the same style/length as in the bridal shop. 

banana468

Did you ask them in advance for their budget?

If you didn't, then yes , you're being rude.

aerinpegadrak

It was great, B!  I'll have a recap on WPB soon, I'm too lazy to do it yet.

MrsAuthement2b

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_whineing-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:15bcf0fd-824a-4488-b6ad-05eddf1d9d86Post:02a52d45-eec5-409e-a925-d5fa53f46b2a">Re: Whining 'maids</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly you shouldn't even be thinking about this yet. Your wedding isn't for 18 months, you are way ahead of yourself. You shouldn't have picked out your bridesmaids yet either.. But since you did, you have a lot of time to find dresses in their budget.
Posted by michaela48[/QUOTE]


Honestly I didn't pick these two. one just assumed that that she was my BM cuz she is my fiance's cousin. The other just kinda came from, well idk, just called me and aked how much a BM dress was. No, really i went out with this girl ONE time and she is my fiamce's  cousin's girlfriend's daughter.

llgus

It's your wedding day, and you should do what makes you happy. In my mind, it's a huge honor to be asked to be in someone elses wedding because the bride and groom are asking you to be a part of one of the most important days in their lives. $135 is not too much to ask them to spend. They're getting off very easy with that price. At the end of the day, it's all about priortizing - if it's a priority to have a dress and be in your wedding, they'll make it work. If they're spending all their $$ on themselves, (i.e. at the bar every night, new clothes, new shoes, manis and pedis, etc) then they care more about themselves than being a part of your big day. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and your bridal party should be willing to get the dresses you want - especially since the dresses are $135 - not $400!
Good Luck!

summerlilly2008

My FI and I were talking about BM dresses to. I don't have a huge budget but I also knew that my 2 BM weren't gong to be able to spend to much on a dress so I was looking at dresses $150 or less and I was going to help purchase them if they needed it. I had started to just have them where black because I knew that would be pretty easy to find but then I found the dress I wanted them to wear (or at least the colors) So I asked both what they thought and 1 was really excited and the other said that she would wear whatever I wanted her to. I told them we could shop around for their budget and styles as long as we could stay with the colors.

I think you have plenty of time to get it figured out.