Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(

Kimster 05

This is really embarassing and I'm not sure where to go with this so I'm just going to come out and say it. I've contracted herpies from my Groom. We were both 100% STD free (and I don't mean save the dates), we've dated for 4 1/2 years prior to our engagement. I started noticing something weird so I went to the doctor and sure enough, I got it. Is there any way to contract this other than sexually?

Kimster 05

I should add ... I know it's my Groom because I'm not active with anyone else.

Kimster 05

We both have regular checkups and appointments. Years ago while we were dating before we became sexually active we both went to the doctors to take tests to be sure.

cwaggoner07

Have you told him, and has he been tested as well?
If you are 100% sure that you were STD free at some point, someone had to bring it into the mix. If you both were not tested, there is a chance that it was dormant for years before you noticed.
Let me also say I don't know much about this topic, so definitely don't take my word as gospel.

Gabrielle76

I don't think the standard battery of STD tests checks for herpes, because unlike many other STD's, it shows physically and obviously.  One of you could have had it, and it stayed dormant.  Were either of you sexually active before meeting each other?

button6004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:51c46306-5336-4a7b-ba1a-1474eea209fb">Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]This is really embarassing and I'm not sure where to go with this so I'm just going to come out and say it. I've contracted herpies from my Groom. We were both 100% STD free (and I don't mean save the dates), we've dated for 4 1/2 years prior to our engagement. I started noticing something weird so I went to the doctor and sure enough, I got it. <strong>Is there any way to contract this other than sexually</strong>?
Posted by Kimster 05[/QUOTE]

Genital herpes is contracted sexually.  That is why is it is a SEXUALLY Transmitted Disease.

You need to talk to your FI about this immediately.  He needs to be tested and you both need to have a serious heart-to-heart to figure out where this came from and how you will proceed in the future.

Kimster 05

I suppose I'm questioning whether or not something like this can be contracted by sharing a drink or such. We both had our bachelor/bachelorette parties this past weekend. No strippers at either. My girlfriends and I went to a bar and we did share drinks. I have a few friends with a "colorful" past and I'm unsure if any of them have an STD but we did share drinks.

redheadfsu

From my understanding, herpes can hide for years. So having it now may not mean that he cheated. However, you two need to figure out how* you got it.

Also are you sure you were tested for herpes years ago? Not all STD checks check for herpes.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I know you can contract herpes 1 (oral herpes) on other parts of your body than your mouth.  It's not as common but it can happen.  If your FI has herpes 1 and performed oral sex on you during a breakout (or not - it's rare, but it can spread) you could have herpes 1 instead of herpes 2, which is genital herpes.

But yeah - if it's herpes 2, and you got it from your FI, you guys need to seriously sit down and talk about this.    Has he been tested to be sure?

Truthfully though - if I contracted this from my husband, I'd immediately assume he cheated.  Genital herpes don't just show up.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:80599cf6-94d0-4dd5-b9d4-e4a02c11a71a">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose I'm questioning whether or not something like this can be contracted by sharing a drink or such. We both had our bachelor/bachelorette parties this past weekend. No strippers at either. My girlfriends and I went to a bar and we did share drinks. I have a few friends with a "colorful" past and I'm unsure if any of them have an STD but we did share drinks.
Posted by Kimster 05[/QUOTE]

Unless you have herpes on the mouth, a drink didn't cause it. Someone you slept with gave it to you.

cwaggoner07

I'm sorry maybe I missed something... is this genital herpes or herpes of the mouth?

TiffannieF

OP, YGPM

cak71495

I'm sorry to tell you, but it's not possible to get it any other way than that. It is possible, although unlikely, that it has been dormant for that many years. Also, it's important to note that normally an OB/GYN won't test for that during your annual exam since the only way to test it is in a blood test (unless you are currently showing symptoms, a current sore can be tested without a blood test). Do you know if you got blood tests when you guys went in for STD tests years ago?

button6004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:80599cf6-94d0-4dd5-b9d4-e4a02c11a71a">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose I'm questioning whether or not something like this can be contracted by sharing a drink or such. <strong>We both had our bachelor/bachelorette parties this past weekend.</strong> <strong>No strippers at either</strong>. My girlfriends and I went to a bar and we did share drinks. I have a few friends with a "colorful" past and I'm unsure if any of them have an STD but we did share drinks.
Posted by Kimster 05[/QUOTE]

You wouldnt be showing signs 3 or 4 days later.  Again, if you are talking about genital herpes, that is sexually transmitted.  Also, it is slightly offensive to assume that, in the event you did have strippers at your parties, they could be the culprit behind your STD. You and/or your FI are going to have to take responsibility for this.

(and just an fyi, perhaps I'm being bitchy here, but this is all information you could have gathered from a simple Google search.)

Kimster 05

Oh my goodness how embarassing. Thank you all for your advice and comments. My best friend (the MOH) just called and said she needs to talk to me asap. She'll be coming over in an hour and I'm giong to talk to her about it.

Thank you all again.

xo

daria24

Do you have HSV-1 or HSV-2? If its HSV-1 there is a slight chance it could have been contracted from non-genital contact. There is also a slight chance it's been dormant for years. And also a slight chance that a blood test could have given you a false negative. Also it's very unlikely that even if you shared a drink with a person infected with HSV-1 that you would have symptoms down below in a week. Many people who are infected don't have their first outbreak for months.

KarleeKrause35

Did you go to an OB/GYN to find out this information?
If you have, it seems odd to me that you could still be under the impression that you may have contracted it from sharing a drink. Your doctor would have cleared that one up right away.

No offense, but it doesn't seem like you are very informed about STDs. If you've diagnosed yourself, you should probably go ahead and get a second opinion.

ETA: As well, if you haven't already, talk to your partner. What I mean is, before you go all "You gave me herpes, you diick!" on him, find out what it is and gain some knowledge about what to do about your situation from a medical proffessional rather than a message board. Seriously.

deanozzi

Can you contract herpies from a toilet?

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:17db9a13-4081-44c1-90a9-173870229dde">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you contract herpies from a toilet?
Posted by deanozzi[/QUOTE]

Please tell me this is not a serious question.

[And if it IS a serious question, this is further proof that abstinence-only education is pretty much the worst idea ever.]

soontobemrsep

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:478aad2e-4bc1-4183-8795-b664c5830d51">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you go to an OB/GYN to find out this information? If you have, it seems odd to me that you could still be under the impression that you may have contracted it from sharing a drink. Your doctor would have cleared that one up right away. No offense, but it doesn't seem like you are very informed about STDs. If you've diagnosed yourself, you should probably go ahead and get a second opinion. ETA: As well, if you haven't already, talk to your partner. What I mean is, before you go all "You gave me herpes, you diick!" on him, find out what it is and gain some knowledge about what to do about your situation from a medical proffessional rather than a message board. Seriously.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

I believe the OP says she went to the doctor and got it confirmed... But I agree with you Karlee, OP talk to your FI about this rationally.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:478aad2e-4bc1-4183-8795-b664c5830d51">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you go to an OB/GYN to find out this information? If you have, it seems odd to me that you could still be under the impression that you may have contracted it from sharing a drink. Your doctor would have cleared that one up right away. No offense, but it doesn't seem like you are very informed about STDs. If you've diagnosed yourself, you should probably go ahead and get a second opinion. ETA: As well, if you haven't already, talk to your partner. What I mean is, before you go all "You gave me herpes, you diick!" on him, find out what it is and <strong>gain some knowledge about what to do about your situation from a medical proffessional rather than a message board. Seriously.</strong>
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

This is an unnecessary comment.  Although what you are saying is correct it is extremely insensitive.  Contracting a STD is an extremely emotional and embarrassing subject (I work as a social worker).  Posting on a message board can lead to advice from professionals where as information on wikipedia is not always correct.  As you said, OP needs to seek professional advice but seeking *potential* advice from people who you don't have to see in person is always more appealing.

mica178

Most physicians do not check for herpes during routine STD checks because such a high percentage of people have been exposed.  So even if your PCP told you you were "STD free" years ago, that probably meant that you didn't have gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HIV or syphilis.

It's possible to get oral herpes (HSV-1) from poorly cleaned silverware or glasses, I think, although hopefully most restaurants these days heat their utensils and serving pieces to temperatures that kill all viruses.  If you shared a drink with someone having an acute herpes outbreak and put your mouth over the area she drank from, I guess you would put yourself at risk for contracting it.

It'd be tough to get genital herpes from a toilet seat. 

As PPs mentioned, herpes can lay dormant for years.  And HSV-1 can be spread to a partner's genital regions if you practice oral sex.  So if your FI went down on you when he had a "fever blister" on his mouth, yup, he exposed you to HSV. 

deanozzi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:937ff8e2-0cdf-48d1-83de-39e83108b32a">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : <strong>Please tell me this is not a serious question</strong>. [And if it IS a serious question, this is further proof that abstinence-only education is pretty much the worst idea ever.]
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

LOL. Um, actually it was.

Quoted from: <a href="http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1598/what-diseases-can-you-catch-from-toilet-seatsYou" rel="nofollow">http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1598/what-diseases-can-you-catch-from-toilet-seats

You</a> can get cooties, and that's about it. Sexually transmitted diseases are spread via sexual intercourse with an infected person. Most of them are spread more easily from male to female. The diseases vary in how infectious they are, but none of them are spread on toilet seats (well, assuming you're using the toilet seat for what it was intended). Most bugs don't tend to live on cool, hard surfaces.<p class="answer"> I could add that a couple of diseases - syphilis and herpes - can be spread by direct non-sexual contact with infectious lesions, so make sure there is not an infected person already on the toilet when you sit down. One should consider HOW people sit on toilet seats. Genital and anal infections most likely would not come in contact with the seat in normal use. Intact skin is a good barrier against most disease organisms ... unless of course one were to pick up a bacterium or virus on the seat, then immediately plant their buttocks on someone's nose and mouth. If this were to happen to me, disease transmission would be the least of my concerns.</p>

mica178

Oh, and if you did share a glass with a person with an active oral herpes outbreak (WHY on earth would you do that?!?), you'd contract oral herpes, not genital herpes.  Your outbreak would be on your face.  To get genital herpes, the virus would have to be in contact with your genitals. 

KarleeKrause35

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:c42fc711-ddd9-4710-ac1d-0ab70ed28111">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : This is an unnecessary comment.  Although what you are saying is correct it is extremely insensitive.  Contracting a STD is an extremely emotional and embarrassing subject (I work as a social worker).  Posting on a message board can lead to advice from professionals where as information on wikipedia is not always correct.  As you said, OP needs to seek professional advice but seeking *potential* advice from people who you don't have to see in person is always more appealing.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]


Yeah, gonna have to disagree with you on this.
While I'm sure it's an embarrassing and emotional process, seeking medical advice on the internet is NOT the answer.
I don't really understand how you think that this message board is any more reliable than wikipedia. While some people may be doctors, there isn't a way to know for sure.
If she had asked for support, that would be different.
But it sounds to me like she doesn't even know if she HAS herpes, because she is wondering if she could have contracted it from someone else's beverage.
Also? Someone just asked if she could have gotten it from a toilet. So yeah, I'd say she should look elsewhere for advice on her genitals.

I didn't find it unecessary in the least. Thanks for that, though.

mica178

I'd like to know who thinks women rub their vagina on public toilet seats.  Because that's pretty much the only way to get an STD from a toilet seat.

sonya+adam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:6add1b11-601f-4a5a-bed6-69cab48bb95b">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : Yeah, gonna have to disagree with you on this. <strong>While I'm sure it's an embarrassing and emotional process, seeking medical advice on the internet is NOT the answer</strong>. I don't really understand how you think that this message board is any more reliable than wikipedia. While some people may be doctors, there isn't a way to know for sure. If she had asked for support, that would be different. But it sounds to me like she doesn't even know if she HAS herpes, because she is wondering if she could have contracted it from someone else's beverage. Also? Someone just asked if she could have gotten it from a toilet. So yeah, I'd say she should look elsewhere for advice on her genitals. I didn't find it unecessary in the least. Thanks for that, though.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

<div>The OP isn't seeking medical advice. She clearly already knows that she has the disease, as she stated that she got herself checked and got the results. </div>

ErinG93

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:2fac7b8e-cf43-4881-bf68-88adfa42aa31">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : The OP isn't seeking medical advice. She clearly already knows that she has the disease, as she stated that she got herself checked and got the results. 
Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]<div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">"Is there any way to contract this other than sexually?</span> "</div><div>
</div><div>I would consider that asking for medical advice.</div><div>
</div>

KarleeKrause35

Sonya, asking us how she contracted would count as asking for medical advice.

And I'm sorry, but if she was diagnosed by an OB/GYN, why doesn't she know this already? THAT would be why I'm telling her to get a second opinion, because she was obviously very misinformed the first time.

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:478aad2e-4bc1-4183-8795-b664c5830d51">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you go to an OB/GYN to find out this information? If you have, it seems odd to me that you could still be under the impression that you may have contracted it from sharing a drink. Your doctor would have cleared that one up right away.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]


I hate to say it, but if it <strong>is</strong> genital herpes, her doctor probably <strong>did</strong> clear that one up already, and OP just came here hoping to find somebody that could say "Hey, I have genital herpes, and yes, it's <strong>usually</strong> contracted from sex, but my herpes totally came from a toilet seat/tampons from China/some other obscure thing that doesn't make an unfaithful partner the culprit " or something.

OP, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. But you really <strong>do</strong> need to talk to your FI about this. It really may have been that one of you contracted it before you got together and he didn't do anything wrong behind your back. But if he doesn't know that he's been walking around with a dormant case of genital herpes, he really needs to be brought up to speed.

sonya+adam

I agree, she was misinformed and should return to her doc. She might not have asked enough questions, being so embarrassed. I know I'm always very reluctant to ask questions at doctor visits and I have to force myself to get over my ebarrassment. But maybe she's also just looking for personal opinions. Maybe she's trying to find some other way to justify her having the disease aside from contracting it from her FI? I know that's what I would be doing.