Getting a bit overwhelmed! :S

MayMilitaryBride

Have 41 days left until the big day! Its exciting and...scary. Im only 20 and this is my first marriage. I thought we would always wait until after college, then he decided to join the Army. Things have been uphill since then. He leaves for boot camp very shortly after the wedding, and then leaves for additional AIT training. Basically he will be gone for the better part of the first year we will be married. Everyone says he will come back a different man than when he went in and that we should wait, but i dont really think he will change so much that we wont be able to stay together. We have been together for 6+ years. But still, thoughts or advice anyone?
FRUSTRATED!

brandichamberlain

I would listen to the advice of those around you. What he is about to go through will change him. Not necessarily for worse. What is the rush if you were already planning on waiting?

MayMilitaryBride

It was his idea. He wants to take care of me, that is why he ultimately decided to join. He has reserves about it at all, he says Im the one he wants to spend his life with and he wants to be able to provide and take care of me and our future children. I understand and i feel the same but then again its like IF he decides he wants something different after he gets out, i am the one that it will ultimately hurt the most. I dont want to sound selfish but at the same time my well being without him is important too. Right?

mhogberg

Your relationship isn't doomed.  But I would seriously take the time to let him grow in the Army.  My (EX) first boyfriend went in and was never the same, he dealt with extreme depression.  Granted each situation is different.  You have your whole life ahead of you, slow down and just enjoy being together.  Good Luck!!

MayMilitaryBride

I just really dont know. Thank all you very much for your advice and thoughts. I have a lot to think about, i mean ive been thinking about this a whole lot for the past few months. Didn't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, i know that sounds pathetic. I just moved to a different state and i dont have any friends here yet. And the people i have tried to talk to are very biased in one way or the other so they havent proved very helpful.

Koneko

Have you checked out the military brides chat room on here? Because it's really great! Everyone there knows what it's like. I suppose you could also consider them biased, since they've all decided to marry people in the military, whether they're waiting or not, but maybe they'll balance out your locals.

pegasuskat

My DD just went through this, they started planning the wedding but she changed her mind and wanted to finish college first.  He was very angry and it ended things with them.  They were together through high school and all of his basic training stuff, he did change a lot.  I think if he hadn't pushed the whole "we HAVE" to get married they would have been fine and still together.

AmandaSC1988

I suggest waiting. Not because I think you guys will break up...but because you shouldn't rush a wedding because of the military.


There is NO hurry... my FI (soon to be H) went to boot camp 2 years ago, we were not engaged but we knew we were going to be together. It was a hard change to having him leave and the only communication is letters. You shouldn't get married because of anything military related: deployment dates, money, so on and so forth. Marriage is a huge step and you shouldn't feel pressure from anything to get married sooner than you feel ready.

FI knew I wanted to finish school and be able to stand on my own feet before I got married, and I really suggest you do the same thing for yourself. The number one piece of advice I heard from other military wives is that you should NEVER give up your dreams for his military career. You will become resentful and it will not end well.

Overall, He needs to respect you if this is your choice. It might be hard at first, but life is rarely easy.

jjolovich

My ex husband, was in the military before we were married, and we rushed the wedding because he was getting deployed the next day(literally) like PP every story was different, but i wouldn't rush into it. After he got home his whole attitude changed towards me hence why today he is now my ex.

I would personally suggest waiting to get married until after AIT. Besides you were going to wait anyways, and he can still support you without being married right?

graci67

oh sweetheart.. I know how you feel. because I am going through the same thing with my fiance. He joined the Army National Guard last November, and left for basic and his AIT in january... he will be home in a few weeks though. its so tough. we talked about getting married before he left... but there seemed to be no point. we didnt want to rush. I wanted to go back to school. plus we didnt even have an apartment together yet. He wanted to take care of me, like your finance says because of the great benefits the military offers to married couples. But I had to remind him that I already have great insurance that will cover me if something happens, a family that will be there for me while hes gone, and I will be ok. so we decided to wait to start even planning until he gets home. and I think it has been the best decision we have made so far.

   my advice to you? Sit down and have a really good talk with your fiance. talk about the pros and cons of getting married so soon. its ok to cancel the wedding until your in a better place. your relationship is not doomed because of it, in fact, it may strengthen and get even better! I know mine has. I love and respect him even more. You can PM me if you need to talk best of luck.

MayMilitaryBride

I dont have anyone besides him. I dont have a family to fall back on he and i have been together we were 14 and been living together since we were almost 16. Bc we just moved to a different town i have no friends. He recently got me a lab pup so that when he leaves i wont be totally alone. Thats one of the biggest reasons he wants to do it before he goes. So he doesnt have to worry about me making rent all by myself and all that. But if he comes back and we dont work then ill still be left alone. So on one hand i dont know if matters either way. *SIGH*