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Wedding date trouble...

Is anyone else getting married on the leap year?  If so are you getting any resistance because it is on a Wednesday? 
My family (who all live in the same town we are getting married in) are telling me that no one is going to show up on that day because people won't be able to get the day off from work.  They also feel that we are being totally selfish for picking such an inconvenient date.  We've already booked our church, reception hall, photographers and cake baker for that day and I refuse to change it.  My fiance and I have been discussing this date long before we were engaged and we think it is a really neat date and really want to be married on that day.  They are trying to tell me that teachers don't get days off and that basically no one else in the world gets vacation time to take for our wedding.  We were planning on having everything in the late afternoon and early evening anyway, which would allow for people work if they had to and then come to the reception.  It has been so hard to be happy and excited about our upcoming wedding when I have been getting absolutely no support from my family because we chose a Wednesday date!
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Re: Wedding date trouble...

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    I had a friend get married at 8am yesterday (4-20 and yes, they are potheads).   They had about 40 guests.

    Basically, if the guests can make it they will. If they can't because of work or something they can't.  It is what it is and it's not a reflection on your relationship with them.  

     Only you can decide which is more important your guests or your wedding date.  If you pick the date then you can't be upset at low attendance. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    True, a Wednesday is an unusual day, but if it's what you want, then go for it!  The statement, "and that basically no one else in the world gets vacation time to take for our wedding" is kind of a lie.  Most companies do grant vacation time.  And if you give advance notice to your guests, most of them will be able to take one day off for your wedding.
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    I think a close family member or a dear friend is worth taking a vacation day from work to attend their wedding.  While I might side-eye their decision for picking a weekday, it wouldn't keep me from attending their wedding.

    Agree with PP, with adequate notice people should be able to work it out.  I would strongly suggest you send out STDs to all your guests since it is an odd day and they would need to make special scheduling arrangements.

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    If they are that inconvenienced and won't come then that's just something you have to deal with.  I agree with PP, and I would take a day off to attend a wedding of a close family member or friend.  Now if you have guests that may need to travel to attend, it may be hard for them to take 2-3 days off work in the middle of the week.  People will complain no matter what day or time though.  Our date is on a holiday weekend, and some guests think that's great while others probably don't because they have annual family trip or something, which is fine.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:2907d499-42fe-414c-b045-269c400a8d6a">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I<strong>had a friend get married at 8am yesterday (4-20 and yes, they are potheads).   They had about 40 guests.</strong> Basically, if the guests can make it they will. If they can't because of work or something they can't.  It is what it is and it's not a reflection on your relationship with them.    Only you can decide which is more important your guests or your wedding date.  If you pick the date then you can't be upset at low attendance. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    Wow.  I bet that was an interesting wedding.  Did the flower girl throw fake marijuana leaves?

    Why didn't they go all out and do it a 4:20PM?
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    You will get higher decline rates & people won't stay long. However if you want that date, don't care if you have less guests, & a shorter reception, then don't worry about it.

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    So you're getting married on 2/29 just because you think it would be "neat?"  Personally I think that's a very silly reason to inconvenience all of your guests.  Yes, a weekday wedding is an inconvenience.  I would only take off work for a weekday wedding if it was immediate family or a very very close friend.  Otherwise, I would come after work (if it was local) and leave early since I would have to work the next day.  So just be prepared for that. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:2907d499-42fe-414c-b045-269c400a8d6a">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a friend get married at 8am yesterday (4-20 and yes, they are potheads).   They had about 40 guests. Basically, if the guests can make it they will. If they can't because of work or something they can't.  It is what it is and it's not a reflection on your relationship with them.    Only you can decide which is more important your guests or your wedding date.  If you pick the date then you can't be upset at low attendance. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    If you're getting married on 4/20, why not get married AT 4:20?  Problem solved!
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    you will never satisfy everyone with a date. my grandparents/aunts, uncles, etc. wanted us to get married in the summer. with FI's job as a golf pro that just is NOT doable. period. NO WAY. we are getting married 4/30/11 and that is tough with some people who college finals and such.

    i am sure your rates are super low because of this wednesday wedding :)

    just pick a date and go with it. who shows up, shows up. i would also give LOTS of notice to your wedding party and be prepared for some of them to back out if needed
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:ac24da86-0e55-4610-add8-011ebe5e2a5c">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding date trouble... : Wow.  I bet that was an interesting wedding.  Did the flower girl throw fake marijuana leaves? Why didn't they go all out and do it a 4:20PM?
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    Wrkn-Great minds...and I think thats twice already, today. ;)
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    "You will never satisfy everyone" is such a cop-out.  Sure, there will almost always be at least one guest who can't come, but if you have a weekday wedding, you are virtually guaranteed to inconvenience almost your entire guest list. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:30a1c432-721a-4d39-b1fe-754d95c8e56a">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you're getting married on 2/29 just because you think it would be "neat?"  Personally I think that's a very silly reason to inconvenience all of your guests.  Yes, a weekday wedding is an inconvenience.  I would only take off work for a weekday wedding if it was immediate family or a very very close friend.  Otherwise, I would come after work (if it was local) and leave early since I would have to work the next day.  So just be prepared for that. 
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this!!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2011
    I'm with marriedfilingjointly.  You're choosing a date that you think is "neat".  That's lovely.  But as an adult, you have to accept the consequences of your actions.  And if you'd rather sacrifice having friends and family with you as you celebrate your wedding for a random square on a calendar, then fine.

    It wouldn't be my choice at all, and unless you were a very close family member, I'd decline the invitation.

    But you make decisions in life.  Sounds like you've made yours, for better or worse.  But please don't come back whining if you get a low attendance return.  You've chosen a date over the convenience of your loved ones.

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:b4ca6ef3-0445-45a6-8b4f-9048bd97fbec">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]"You will never satisfy everyone" is such a cop-out.  Sure, there will almost always be at least one guest who can't come, but if you have a weekday wedding, you are virtually guaranteed to inconvenience almost your entire guest list. 
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

    very true!
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    Just so you know, it's a major hassle for teachers to take time off, becuase they have to do all the preparation for their days off for the subsitute, so leading up to the day(s) off is a lot of extra work.

    I do agree with your family, that it's a little selfish to choose such an inconvenient date just because it's "neat". I'd be annoyed if I was your friend / family member... sure, people have vacation days, but some of us like to spend them on actual vacations. Not on one day because someone cared more about having her wedding on a date that was "neat" than on how much it would inconvenience everyone else.

    Also, to me, missing the ceremony because it's in the late afternoon and I worked through it would suck. I probably wouldn't want to go to the reception... the ceremony's the important part. The reception's just the after party.

    That being said, if you and your FI are happy with that date, and you're unwilling to change your plans, then I would just apologize for the inconvenience, tell them you hope that they'll be able to make it but that you'll understand if they don't.
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:2f141add-1146-47b8-a955-9aa374703ab1">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just so you know, it's a major hassle for teachers to take time off, becuase they have to do all the preparation for their days off for the subsitute, so leading up to the day(s) off is a lot of extra work. I do agree with your family, that it's a little selfish to choose such an inconvenient date just because it's "neat". I'd be annoyed if I was your friend / family member... sure, people have vacation days, but some of us like to spend them on actual vacations. Not on one day because someone cared more about having her wedding on a date that was "neat" than on how much it would inconvenience everyone else. 
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    <div>AGREED!  As a teacher - taking time off is actually MORE of a hassle to prepare for a sub teacher than to just teach it yourself.  I just went to a seminar for 2 days that took 4 days to prepare for to make sure that my sub was fully prepared for what she might encounter.</div><div>
    </div><div>Two years ago, a close friend from high school got married on a Thursday (because it was neat!) in a city 1.5 hours away.  I couldn't attend the 1pm ceremony and 2pm cake & champagne reception.  I could not get the time off because two other teachers had already booked that date off a year prior.  Only 1/3 of her guest list showed up because it was such an inconvenient time.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you are not willing to change it - then don't be surprised when a lot of your list declined because it is an inconvenience to them.</div>
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    If it's that important to you, fine.  But don't be surprised when most of your guest list declines, including some of your VIPs.  While I think most people would take the vacation day for close friends or family, there are times when a person simply can't take it.  For example, if I was on a trial calendar that week, I wouldn't be able to take a Wednesday off for my own wedding, much less anyone else's.  You will be putting some people in a position where they simply do not have a choice to come.  

    If you're planning on JOPing at the courthouse with immediate family, this could be great, though.  As long as those people are able to take the day off, you can go get married at the court, and have your pick of restaurants to go to afterwards.

    But if you're thinking of a traditional wedding with plenty of guests, it's going to be a flop.  If a date on the calendar is more important to you than having your guests there, save yourself the time and money and plan to JOP at the courthouse.
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    I am having a Thursday wedding. I asked the same questions on here, and got all the same responses that are here in the PPs.
    Everyone who matters to me and my fiance have jobs where they can take time off work, and they all responded that they don't care about it being a thursday. I asked most of my friend's family before making my final decision. They were all very honest, saying "yeah, there are cons, but I will be there!" Some of them have even said they think it is a "neat idea" (this coming from guests who also will be taking time off). Now, others have said: "who the hell has a wedding on a Thursday?" And I know if 1 person out of 167 so far that cannot make it because of the day. Ummm...big deal? I think not. I also work in a school district, and I have only 4 personal days a year. I am taking days unpaid off of work.

    I am making sure to have a day after brunch, and will make an effort to "take care" of my travelling guests as much as possible.
    When I talked with my most honest, level-headed BM about whether or not this was an ok thing to do, she told me that it is very similar to having a desitnation wedding: it is inconvenient for most people, however, the people that truly matter to you guys will be there no matter what and won't put you down. If you aren't going to be heartbroken that a chunk of your guests can't come, then don't worry. I woul dconsult with the people that matter most to you. If all those people can come, then don't worry about the others.
    I also recently attended a wedding in Seattle that was on a Thursday evening. Guest attendance was great, it was super fun, and people partied til midnight. Many people attended as OOT guests, and just turned it into a long vacation weekend.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:601e7f98-b3d5-4b68-9389-6f5ca7826fc3">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having a Thursday wedding. I asked the same questions on here, and got all the same responses that are here in the PPs. Everyone who matters to me and my fiance have jobs where they can take time off work, and they all responded that they don't care about it being a thursday. I asked most of my friend's family before making my final decision. They were all very honest, saying "yeah, there are cons, but I will be there!" Some of them have even said they think it is a "neat idea" (this coming from guests who also will be taking time off). Now, others have said: "who the hell has a wedding on a Thursday?" And I know if 1 person out of 167 so far that cannot make it because of the day. Ummm...big deal? I think not. I also work in a school district, and I have only 4 personal days a year. I am taking days unpaid off of work. I am making sure to have a day after brunch, and will make an effort to "take care" of my travelling guests as much as possible. When I talked with my most honest, level-headed BM about whether or not this was an ok thing to do, she told me that it is very similar to having a desitnation wedding: it is inconvenient for most people, however, the people that truly matter to you guys will be there no matter what and won't put you down. If you aren't going to be heartbroken that a chunk of your guests can't come, then don't worry. I woul dconsult with the people that matter most to you. If all those people can come, then don't worry about the others. I also recently attended a wedding in Seattle that was on a Thursday evening. Guest attendance was great, it was super fun, and people partied til midnight. Many people attended as OOT guests, and just turned it into a long vacation weekend.
    Posted by cdavislynn[/QUOTE]

    But that is not what OP is saying. OP is saying that her family doesn't think anyone will come (which is a valid concern). Your family said they would make it. I'm glad it worked out for you, but many a bride has had lots of declines b/c of a weekday wedding.

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    I agree with PPs that if it's really that important to you and your FI, then go for it (which it kind of sounds like you've already made up your mind). But realize you're probably going to get a lot of declines.
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    noodle_oonoodle_oo member
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:2907d499-42fe-414c-b045-269c400a8d6a">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]    <strong>Only you can decide which is more important your guests or your wedding date.</strong>  If you pick the date then you can't be upset at low attendance. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    I think this statement is very true.  It is up to you, if the date is more important than having all (or most) of your guests there, then go for it.

    But personally, I fail to see how the date could be more important than the people you celebrate with.  I do think a Wed wedding is inconsiderate unless you are having a tiny, family wedding and it works for all your guests.  I'm not a fan of Friday weddings, but I would take a half day for close friends mainly because I can still stay late and don't have to work the next day.  But for a Wednesday?  That's a tough request.  I doubt people will stay very long.  Honestly, if I got a request for a Wed wedding I would think the B&G don't really want people to come.  Why else would you pick such an inconvenient date?
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    I'm with marriedfilingjointly and trix.

    My stepdd decided to get married at 5 pm on a Friday, in the capital city of our state.  Can you say rush hour traffic?

    DH's family are either teachers or engineers so I can definitely vouch for the teacher thing.  DD's wedding was in Mid May and per their contracts, no personal time off that close to the end of the year.  Many in the family declined because they would have had to take kids out of school to attend the wedding.  In a family of teachers and engineers - not going to happen. Only 2 of DH's 6 sibs could attend.

    You need to listen to what family is saying and really think this over.  Is it really more important to have a square on the calendar over something more people who love you can attend?

    I also have to say that I will only take time off for a wedding if I absolutely adore you beyond words.  My support and friendship are what is important, not whether or not I attended your wedding.  If the date is inconvenient, I send a great gift and regrets.

    In closing - I have a nephew and a niece getting married on Friday nights this year.  Much grumbling within the family and I anticipate the same kind of turnout for them as DD got with hers - low.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:30a1c432-721a-4d39-b1fe-754d95c8e56a">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you're getting married on 2/29 just because you think it would be "neat?"  Personally I think that's a very silly reason to inconvenience all of your guests.  Yes, a weekday wedding is an inconvenience.  I would only take off work for a weekday wedding if it was immediate family or a very very close friend.  Otherwise, I would come after work (if it was local) and leave early since I would have to work the next day.  So just be prepared for that. 
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]
    I kinda agree with this. <div>It's great if thats the date that you two "love", but you can't really be surprised you're getting flack for it. </div><div>Kinda sucks to only get to celebrate your anniversary ever 4 years :)</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-date-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a945609-0c3d-447e-a350-c38054ceb554Post:ac24da86-0e55-4610-add8-011ebe5e2a5c">Re: Wedding date trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding date trouble... : Wow.  I bet that was an interesting wedding.  Did the flower girl throw fake marijuana leaves? Why didn't they go all out and do it a 4:20PM?
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>LOL - they wanted a morning wedding so they could do a boat trip to for the reception.</div><div>
    </div><div>I wasn't invited (small wedding) but I didn't hear of any fake marijuana leaves.  Not sure their families understood the meaning behind having it on 4/20.   Half the guests had to travel anyway.  The other half are bartenders who are off on Wednesday mornings anyway.

    </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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