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Friend trying way too hard to have a say in my wedding planning!

I live out of state and am getting married next summer back home. I was just home this past week for a visit and had dinner with a friend of mine. This friend is someone who I can stand to be around for about 2 hours every 4 or 5 months and then I've had my fill of her. Our visits always start of cheery and then she'll start dumping things on me that she is trying to shock me with or there's always something she blows way out of proportion and wants me to feel sorry for her or something. I just nod my head and say "uh huh" and don't show much reaction to just shut her up. 

She isn't someone I would ever have in my wedding nor do I want her to be part of the planning. She was trying so hard to get me to go check out this one place for a reception but there was no way I was going to go there because then all I would hear from her is "remember I was the one who found your reception site." Right now every time I see her she ALWAYS tells me or anyone we meet "Other than her parents and sister I've known her the longest. We've known each other since we were 2 years old." I am so tired of her saying that. Just because you're the first friend I had doesn't mean we're best buddies! 

Then for about the last 30 minutes we were together she kept drilling in my head that if there is ANYTHING I need to have done here that she is more than happy to run around town for me and get things, deliver things, etc. Then she said "I could be your personal assistant or even a bridesmaid". Ugh...NO!!! Then, this just blew me away. She figured that since the wedding party would be getting ready at another location that her parents are more than happy to drive my Mom to the church. Okay, so 1) your parents won't be invited to the ceremony so that would be really really weird and plus my Mom rarely has interaction with your parents and 2) you don't think out of any of our relatives, including any of her 6 brothers and sisters that no one would be able or willing to take her to the church for her daughter's wedding?! I just found that unbelievable and over the top! 

Anything she suggests I will automatically not do because I don't want to hear about it everytime I see her and I certainly don't want her taking credit for anything that she will use to tell people years from now. "Oh yeah, I found her wedding reception place". 

Okay so this isn't really a question but just more of a rant. Does anyone else find her over enthusiastic behavior just a total turnoff?

Re: Friend trying way too hard to have a say in my wedding planning!

  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited November 2009
    It sounds like she is not a friend at all, but a long time acquaintance. You seem to not bei nvested at all in the relationship, and therefore aren't really being friendly by tring to string her along thinking that y'all are friends.

    My suggestion is harsh, and totally not wedding related. Think about how she is outside of wedding planning. Foirgetting social obligation, if you saw her on the street, would you rater just wave and keep walking, or stop and talk to her? If your answer is wave, then she is not a friend, and you may want to distance yourself from her. Stop having pity visits with her, and when she brings up the wedding, change the subject. Tell you have everything handled, and for any suggestions she makes, tell her you have already decided how that part will go.

    Heck, if you distance yourself enough, she may not make it on the guest list, so she won't be able to take credit for anything.

    If you would rather talk to her on the street, then she is a friend. If you want to keep her as a friend, then tell her you appreciate her suggestions and that if you need anything done, she will be the first person you call. Its ok to tell her that you have already chosen your wedding party. Don't explain to her why she wasn't chosen, because that would be mean, but just change the subject. SHe is being rude suggesting that she can work her way into your WP, but she may not realize that. Don't be passive agressive and turn away from every idea she has just because its her idea. That will get you nowhere, and will limit the possibilities for your planning. Take the suggestions as just that, suggestions. Evaluate them, and if you like them, use them. If not, feel free to say you don't like them.
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  • I ditto Sarah's comments. They were thoughtful and on the mark.
  • Dump her.  Some "friendships" are a drain.  You're better off without them.
  • Sarah has the brain today, clearly.  She said it perfectly.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Ditto Aerin: Sarah has the brain today.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • I have to agree fully with Sarah. I have been there,done that. I have a friend who decided a few years back that she was a witch. So I started distancing myself from her slowly.I moved 3 hours away a year ago,and hadn't talked to her in what seems like forever she calls out of the blue a few weeks ago.And by the end of our conversation she invited herself to my wedding. Which by the way is 10 hours away in SC. And it will be just us 2, his daughter is my MOH, her husband is BM, and my son is giving me away.That's it! We've been planning this for a year. Since then I've dodged a few phone calls,and just change the subject.
    She was a good friend YEARS ago,but we've grown apart (obviously with the whole witchcraft thing!!)
    If she's not a close friend anymore, severe it now. GL.
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  • I'm so glad I could help!

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