Rant: FILs make my head hurt.

sweetpea0911

I'm sorry, I just need to let off some steam and my friends are tired of hearing this and so is FI, so you get the lovely option of reading it.  Or you can skip it entirely and just tell me to suck it up and deal (as I know that's the end result!)

FMIL makes me want to stab her in the face.  She BLATENLY cheats on FFIL and basically rubs it in his face, as well as her children's faces, every chance she gets.  "Going out for a bit" has turned into 4 or 5 hour jaunts to who knows where.  She has "forgotten" to pick her youngest up from church, and school, and work.  She left FI alone in the hospital over the summer when he was having surgery because she wanted to go talk to her girlfriend - oh, did i mention that she's decided after over 20 years of marriage she's gay?  And she is unstatisfied with all of my plans for the wedding so far, even though I have made it clear that 98% of them, disregarding venue and date, are simply ideas because we are 18 MONTHS away!

FFIL is way to passive for me.  He lets FMIL do whatever she wants and just hopes that "she'll come back to us soon".  He is depressed but won't accept help, and is relying fully on God to solve the problem and "bring her back".  Please don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian too, but she's running amok with joint bank accounts and he's not doing anything to stop it. AUGH.  And he's upset because I have asked my pastor to do the ceremony for the wedding, even though FI said it was a-okay by him.

And FSIL...ugh.  She freaks out whenever FI mentions the word "wedding".  She was hysterical when we began attempting to set a date - apparently we're "moving too fast" and I am "rushing" her older brother into this marriage, even though he is the one who suggested the date.  And the fact that we're getting married at their home church but using their regular pastor is "UNACCEPTABLE".

FBIL and I have no problems.  Mostly because he rarely speaks.


TL/DR: FI's family is making me CRAZY and I can't stand it!

I am aware that I have to suck it up and deal.  I am also aware that my family is not easy to get along with either, and FI must be feeling some of this- I'm just used to my family by now and they are WAY different!  I am doing this as best as I can with a smile on my face.  We have 18 months of this before the wedding.  We're barely at the beginning of planning.  It's only going to get worse.  But we will make it through, and everything will be fine, and I will only have to see them a few times a year.  It will be fine.

Thanks for the rant space.  I needed it.  If you made it this far - you're dedicated! 

SarahPLiz

You have 18 months until the wedding, and then a lifetime afterwards. You and your FI need to find a way to deal with this in the long run.

YOu have my sympathies, though.

sweetpea0911

Thanks =]  If you made it through that whole thing, you are dedicated!!

FI and I are working on it, slowly but surely.  I just got off the phone with his mom, though, and needed to take out my frustrations NOT on him (as I know it's not his fault).  This was an open place...and I feel much better now =]

LauraW313

My sister threw a fit over my wedding, not over my FI but over a friend that i have invited. The friend doesn't get along with my sis (my sis thinks everyone should do what she wants them to do). I told my sister that I have invited all of them (she doesn't like our stepmom either) and that they all have the choice to come or not. She chose NOT.

Don't let the BSC FSIL and her drama push you where you don't want to go. She wants to be the center of attention, not you and your wedding. Tell her you'd love to have her there, but if she can't make it then you will understand. And don't ask her to be in the wedding party unless that is what YOU really want. I know you are still in the planning stages...just throwing that one out there.

LauraW313

Forgot about the FMIL...she is going to do what she wants until FFIL finds where he left his pair. You don't have much say in any of that but I do understand the need to vent.

lisarose7

Wow, your FILs sound as crazy as mine...possibly crazier.  You have my sympathies....especially since my FI has decided that we aren't having anything to do with his family and we don't have to deal with them ever.

rodeo417

Girl breathe and just let go! There's nothing you can do but tell your DOC if they start acting like fools to please remove them.

aggiebug

I am sorry you have having so many struggles with your FILs.  I hate to say it but it really won't end in 18months.  You and FI need to come up with a plan on how to handle the parents on both sides, just remember he should deal primarily with his family and you with yours.

To avoid all the wedding drama, I would inform them the date, how many guests they can invite, and the location.   They don't have to know more than that, and if they ask give a very vague answer. "we are still just thinking of ideas" or something.  

It sounds like his sister is just scared of losing her brother, a lot of that fear won't go away until she sees what happens after the marriage.  Just be gracious!

Good luck with all of them! There are plenty of crazy ILs out there and people survive happily!

FutureMrsBoucher

you poor thing! i'm sorry about all the stress. how is FI handling it? how close is he to the rest of his family?

breathe deep. understand that most of it, you can't control, but you can control your reaction to it. you're in my prayers

LesaBear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_rant-fils-head-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:264f3120-5c78-4088-87cb-9c2d62d71c99Post:94bb5a67-e366-484d-831f-5756f6b086a0">Rant: FILs make my head hurt.</a>:
[QUOTE]FMIL makes me want to stab her in the face.
Posted by sweetpea0911[/QUOTE]

Me too! It was this bad for me in the begining of planning. I was also worried about a year of hell through the planning process. I just cut them out of the planning proccess and my life as much as possible. Make sure FI and you are on the same page and avoid talking about the wedding at all. If they are the ones that bring it up, start avoiding them.

HisCB

move.far.away.now!

sweetpea0911

Wow, thanks everyone for the support =]  I felt a lot better after I let it out.  My FILs are seriously crazy, and FI and I are already working on a plan to not live ANYWHERE near them.  He's pretty much on the same page as I am with the whole family thing, but there are times when he's like "do we seriously have to talk about this AGAIN?  I thought we'd established that they are nuts!" and I'm left needing to SCREAM.

My family isn't all fun and games either, though....they're just a different KIND of crazy.  Not planning on living near them either, hahaha.  Basically we're going to move to the middle of nowhere and only see everyone on major holidays.  It should work out well that way.

Thanks again for the rant space and the support.  You girls are awesome =]