How do you explain....

Ashly018

I'm getting married the end of this year, and I am having a 3 person bridal party... My maid of honor, and 2 bridesmaids.  My issue is this, one of the bridesmaids who I have known for a long time, is one of my best friends, I guess thinks she is my maid of honor.  She has been making all these plans and attempted arrangements for the wedding, which would be a great help if we lived in the same city.  She is wanting me to drive to where she is ( because she has kids in school) to do cake tastings, catering tastings, shopping for wedding stuff so on so forth... I live in a major city where my wedding is going to be.... Why would I go somewhere else for my cake and food, not to mention the catering is provided through the reception location... I also asked the girls to take a look at the website where I want to get the bridesmaid dresses to see if there are any styles they really like.... she chose dresses that look like wedding dresses just in colors, or she chose ones that were short, knowing I want everyone in a long dress.  I know that she wants to help, and that's fine, but how do you explain to someone that they are not the one getting married, it's my wedding, and she is not going to run the show.... I'm to the point now where I'm sorry I even asked her to be in it....

psichick

stop talking to her about the wedding. it's that simple. choose the dress and tell her where to get it, and bean dip her when she brings anything up.

aerinpegadrak

Keep her on a need-to-know basis.  If you do talk to her about the wedding, keep it in absolute terms.  "We're doing X" is good.  "We're thinking about doing X" opens her up to butt her nose in.  If you go the former route and she still butts her nose in, just say, "Thanks for the suggestion, we'll definitely consider it" and change the subject.  If she tries to book tastings and stuff, say, "That's sweet of you, but we've actually got that under control."

You may possibly want to fully delegate one aspect of the wedding that you don't particularly care about to her.  Couldn't care less about favors?  Let her at them.  Hosting a morning-after brunch?  Let her take the reins.  If she feels like she's involved in some concrete way, she may back off the rest.

goheels05

The best thing to do is when she brings up wedding planning arrangements, say something like, "you are way too sweet.  You really don't have to worry about any of that.  FI and I are taking care of all the details.  You are in my BP because you are my friend and it's important to me to have you stand next to me on our wedding day.  All you need to do is show up and have a good time and be there for me."

stina93446

You can always decline her offers. You obviously aren't going to do cake tastings with her because you want to do it in the right city. Only talk about the wedding with her when it's important.

And about the dress, why not give them some guidelines...like "no short dresses, only chocolate brown, Jim Hjelm only, etc."