I know this is more of an etiquette question on dos and donts of divorced parents and significant others.
I have been with my fiancé now for two years and engaged for 6 months. We plan on getting married in June next year. But now Im having doubts that our marriage will be a good one. I am not sure what to do and know that we should never get married while having doubts.
This is where I have concerns….. my fiance and his ex wife had an on again off again relationship for several years. Two weeks after he moved out of their apt (at her request as she had met someone else) I met him. We have been fine since. I still had my doubts that he would go back to her if she was single, which now she is again.
Well this past September his oldest daughter got married and I was not allowed to be with him during the time he went to take pictures with her and his other children before the wedding. I had to get to the wedding on my own (well his sister and her husband were here from out of state so I went with them). I then had to hang around for two hours while he again left with the wedding party to take more pictures where I was not invited to even watch and be with him. He lied and told me that he is only taking pictures with his daughter, not family portraits and he made it clear to the photographer that he does not want pictures taken with him and his ex. At the reception hall, he walked in and was announced with his ex as parents of the bride, which I feel I should have then been the one to escort him in, not him escorting her. I was really upset and just had to suck it all up. He told me how he was thinking of me and he told the photographer not to take pictures with him and his ex as they are divorced and not on good terms. Well the pictures all came and he took over 15 pictures with her and his daughters, family portrait, and there was a picture of him sitting with his ex in the limo (mind you it was a limo bus) everyone was paired off and so was he with her, with drinks in hand. He told me it was the only seat available. I am just hurt that I know if her boyfriend was there he would not be with her and I would have been invited to join them. But since she was alone, he was her partner and I had to drive around for 2 hours before the reception started. Worst is that he lied to me about the pictures. If he was truthful and told me that he feels he will have to take a few pictures for his daughters sake, but that he wanted me with him no matter what, I would have been ok with it. But he lied now I don’t trust anything he said. The next day after the wedding we were all going to dinner with his daughters and sister who was visiting from out of state, and his ex calls his cell to ask if it is ok for her to join us. He asked me how did I feel about it, of course I said no and it just made his daughters upset with me. But he doesn’t get that they are done and she is not a part of our lives. She had her visit now it was our turn.
I don’t feel his daughters who are grown will ever accept that now that him and I are getting married that their father will no longer be joining them for family events with their mother. And I feel like an outsider and the mean one for interfering. I am considering just letting this go and do my best to move on without marrying him. I know it will not get better and as long as he doesn’t put his foot down, it will just get worst. Like his ex inviting him over to see her new place. What the hell?