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Fighting???

Is all this wedding planning making anyone else fight 24/7 with their FH???? 

Re: Fighting???

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    Nope. Neither one of us cared enough about the details to actually get angry with each other about them. Life (and marriage) is about comunication and compromise. I suggest you work on those before you say those vows. 
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    No.  Not really.  It's brought me closer to him because I want us to start our 'new' life as man and wife on a good note.  But we have been together 13 years so we've been through it all (hell and back).  We're just learning to be better and looking forward to the wedding.

    He did get upset with me the other day because I asked him about his guests he would want to invite and he said 2 people I didn't know so I said no. LOL.  He didn't understand how I could say no to people he wanted at HIS wedding so I understood.  But no fighting.

    If you guys are fighting 24/7 about wedding stuff, take a breather.  Do nothing wedding for 2 weeks and try to reconnect with each other...  go on a date, rent a movie and have movie night, go for a walk in the park or bike ride, go to a museum, ect.  Afterwards, revisit the wedding planning and try to figure out why the stress is making you guys fight. Then go from there.
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    Nope.  I mean, we fight about other things, but the wedding is something that we seem to either be in agreement on what we want, or able to work out compromises easily. 
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    Yes. I asked that once here and everyone suggested that we were unique to fight ever and needed a lot of therapy. Hrm....not so much. When Michael & I fight, it's not this all out brawl complete with some crazy ending. We're communicating and talking our way through it. For some reason, there's this huge conception that "fighting" means you can't communicate - not always true. That being said, if you're both fighting a lot about the same things and not getting anywhere or you're beginning to feel it's a little too much....I'd really recommend you sit down and talk about why. For us, it all fell at a really awkward time: we didn't have a budget because money was that tight, we were (and still are) living with my parents, he was (still is) unemployed and my stressful job was on the outs. He would be more optimistic about things ("There has to be a reception venue we can afford!") whereas I was more realistic ("No, I've looked at 100+ places - it doesn't magically exist") and then when we had a budget and were planning more, I wanted him to be a lot more involved (It is also is wedding!) than he wanted to be. Good luck!
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    Fighting in a relationship is normal.  Fighting 24/7 is not normal nor is it healthy.  What are you fighting about?
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    RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In general, we really don't fight a lot. Don't get me wrong, we do fight, but we're both really laid back people, and neither of us can get it up for an argument over something "stupid". We both really didn't care about, like, 95% of the details (Both of us had the attitude of "I don't care what it looks like, just that it looks nice") and really didn't feel like trying to make a bunch of decisions about stuff we legitimately could not care less about ... so we picked a venue that took care of all the "stupid stuff" for us.

    Only having to deal with a limited number of decisions, and most of them not being that important, we didn't even come close to fighting during the planning process. A lot of it just didn't seem like anything worth fighting about.


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    Granted 85% of our "fights" during our engagement were about the wedding but it wasn't every day or even that bad.  It was more annoying.
     
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    We fight and argue on occassion, just like any other couple.  Planning the wedding didn't have an effect on how much we disagreed or argued.

    If a project like wedding planning is getting you to fight substantially more than normal, you should rethink the situation.  What are you going to do when you have to deal with something really stressful, like children, unemployment, major illness, major financial issues, etc?  While a wedding is a big project, it's nothing compared to some of the other things you are going to face in a marriage.  If you can't get through the planning, the marriage isn't going to work.  
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    I wouldn't say we 'fight' but when we get flustered with all of the wedding plans we plan a date night where no wedding-talk is allowed. It's kind of hard... but really puts things in perspective that we just like to BE together, and that helps the planning go smoothly after that.
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    I think we've had one wedding related fight. It was about our venue. He wanted to skip a reception and watch movies. I was very angry and frustrated with him, and I yelled at him. After I calmed down, I apologized and explained to him why we could not just watch movies and the importance of a reception. He got it and we moved on.

    However, I was previously engaged to another man and that man and I did fight constantly about practically every detail of the wedding. It was exhausting. I really thought at the time that he just cared a lot about the wedding. I see now that he was just very immature, and we were both blinded by love.

    You can love a lot of people. You shouldn't marry someone though simply b/c you love them. You should marry someone that you can communicate with, get along with, live with easily, and someone with whom you have great passion. Don't mistake fighting for passion.

    I really think you should ask yourself what the fights are about. Are they really about ivory vs. ecru? Inside vs. outside? Or is there something deeper going on?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fighting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:286f5843-df6c-4e16-8961-f8278af2bae9Post:3000c64b-b230-414f-aeec-246b0a1ce3ec">Fighting???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is all this wedding planning making anyone else fight 24/7 with their FH???? 
    Posted by nmasiello17[/QUOTE]

    **HUGS**  I can say for my FI and I we do argue a little bit more than normal because of the wedding.  It is bound to happen.  You are planning what is to date the most important day of your lives (assuming you don't have children) and you want it to be perfect.  Every person (no matter how "perfect" they are together) has a different perception of perfect.  I got to a point where I needed to step back from the perfection idea and realize that at the end of the day if I am married to my FI then the day was perfect!  Every one of my friends that has experienced this arguing and they all have happy successful marriages. 

    Every day I make a conscience effort to go home, hug my FI, tell him I love him and that I can't wait to be his wife.  I know it sounds silly, and people will say you shouldn't have to make a conscience decision to do it.  However life is busy, work and things get in the way.  We forget about what is important, and that is the love you and your FI share and the rest of your life that you will have together.
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    Fiance and I fight a little bit about wedding stuff. But even still we don't really fight about it, it's more just we get annoyed. Mostly cause our two families are having a hard time learning that they have to share us, and we're sort of forcing them to learn to like it. We don't want to have kids some day and not be able to have the grandparents all in the same room because they can't behave.
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    meg65meg65 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We don't really fight, but I get frustrated sometimes when I feel like I'm the only one doing anything for the wedding. But I know he doesn't care as much about crafts and small details as I do. I mostly put him in charge of contacting vendors. Sending emails is something he can do that is helpful and not overwhelming for him, like trying to make chair bows.
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    My FI and I have not fought a single time about something wedding related.  We have small arguements every now and then about other life things, but even then it isn't very often.  Like PP's have asked- what are you fighting about?
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    Nope. We've had 1 major fight since planning and it was last week. AND it was my fault because I'm oversensitive. I wanted him to help with favors and he didn't want to because he knew he'd be bad at it. I just wanted him to try so we could be doing something together. Dumb. And guess what? The favors got finished. If you're fighting 24/7 you need to take a step back and look at your relationship. If you're fighting about a wedding, how are you going to handle purchasing a home or raising a child? Just some food for thought.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
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    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fighting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:286f5843-df6c-4e16-8961-f8278af2bae9Post:3000c64b-b230-414f-aeec-246b0a1ce3ec">Fighting???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is all this wedding planning making anyone else fight 24/7 with their FH???? 
    Posted by nmasiello17[/QUOTE]

    My take is that any big life event will cause lots of stress (moving, planning an expensive event like a wedding, etc.). That stress can cause you to be irritable and can make you have fights. However, you shouldn't be fighting <strong>all</strong> the time, no matter what. Additionally, you should both realize you are stressed and irritable, and therefore, make an effort to not take it out on your significant other.

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    the only big fight my fiance had about the wedding was for him to not have his sisters boyfriend as a groomsman

    he is a questionable character (really abusive towards my fiances sister) and i had a really like bad feeling about it - not to mention i didnt want someone like that standing beside us while we exchange our vows

    sure enough - they had a falling out a couple weeks later and my fiance learned his true colors

    otherwise i think maybe if you are fighting all the time try to take a step back and think about why you are getting married in the first place

    like a previous pp posted - have a non-wedding related date night :)

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    josgirljosgirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Pleaseee! People that say they never fight are lieing to themselves. I don't know if you're talking about fighting in general or about the wedding. If you are fighting "more than usual" remember that you have an obnoxiously large stress looming over you called "wedding plans" and maybe you're acting like a bit of a bridezilla. FI and I haven't faught over wedding plans because he has no strong opinions and generally agrees with me. Still, we have been having little tiffs we don't usually, yes we can work through them, but they're unusual. Like someone else says, we have a bit of stress over spending so much money and guest list getting out of controlNAND that's something we consider when we talk things out n =]
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    No not at all, We are having fun planning it together.
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    I mean we argue every once in a while like every other couple.  We've had a few arguments over the wedding, but no huge fights.  Granted we had other things going on in our lives that increased our stress levels over the past few months, but we learned to deal with it.  Taking a break from wedding planning isn't a bad idea.  You shouldn't fight 24/7, no matter what the reason.  
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    We had one big fight after we got engaged..and it was weird honestly, because we don't really argue at all. Sure we have little disagreements and minor tiffs about things, but this was a huge fight. But it only lasted for a few hours one evening and it was only because FI had changed his mind about what kind of wedding he wanted. Originally, we had agreed to only have 25 people so we could use this cute little B&B (only held 25 people) that I just loved and it was where my parents renewed their vows. We agreed on that for months before he even proposed. So once he proposed, I called that B&B and made plans....and then he told me "well...I want to invite more people now. I want a lot of friends and family there. I just want to show you off to everyone and let everyone know how lucky I am." He really meant it, and I couldn't argue. Here we are a month later, 93 people invited, and I'm actually really happy that we are having a larger wedding. :) Win/Win.
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