how would you handle this debacle?

leah1615

My dad has been married 5 yrs. They comingle finances. They are paying for half the wedding. My mother just got married a few months ago. She is paying the other half. We agreed beforehand over email the wording would be Mr & Mrs MY DAD and MY MOM WITH HER NEW LAST NAME blah blah blah.

Now the invitations are out, she is upset that my dad's wife is mentioned (in the form of MRS) in the invitation.  She claims that she didn't notice the "AND MRS" part and would never have approved that.  Now she feels lied to and is claiming she is not coming to the wedding.  What do I do?

ETA: Dad's wife has helped a lot (organized photog and band, sent out STDs, organized cailligrapher, etc), mom's new husband is a nice guy but I have only met him a couple times and he is not participating financially or physically at all- this was also, I thought, already discussed with all parties and agreed upon.

jennyp08

I'd just tell her "I'm sorry you're upset, but its not my fault you didn't notice it.  invitations are already out, and if you really love me, you'll stop making my wedding about your divorce, and instead make it about celebrating me and my marriage. Its childish to threaten that you won't attend your daughters wedding over the phrasing of the invitation."

But then again, I've been dealing with parent drama for awhile, and I'm blunt and to the point now.     Seriously, my parents pulled this crap at the beginning, including threats to not attend, bitching that the date was inconvenient, etc etc etc.  I called their bluff, and basically said "be helpful and keep the side-issues out of it, or don't be involved."    

it worked.  

SarahPLiz

Just a tip, next time you post the same thing on 2 boards, preface your title with "XP". Its just a courtesy to those who are reading to know its posted 2 different places.
Thanks!

526SadieSadie

Do nothing.  Your mom will be there.  It sounds like she's having a terrible reaction to something that really isn't a big deal.  She's lucky you asked for her input on the invitations at all, if she didn't proofread closely enough, it's not your fault.  Your mom will be at your wedding, give her a chance to cool off.  Don't make a big stink out of it, you'll be feeding the flames and things might be said by all parties in the heat of the moment that will makes matters worse.  Take a deep breath.

goheels05

Your mom is the one who is upset?  Tell her to get over it.  Don't let her manipulate you.  If she says she's not coming to the wedding, say, in a matter-of-fact tone, "that's too bad.  We'll really miss you." and go about your business.  She'll come around. 

papermate

That's tough! Maybe rationalize for her? Ask her how she thinks your dad feels with her new last name on it? He's being seeing his second wife for years so it just made sense. And maybe say that where it's a 50/50 wedding, it was only fair and democratic to include both parties. Say you feel bad that she can't see past that. And then move on. 

Don't get into semantics with her. What's done is done and really, if you had your time back, would you really have changed it? Seems like your stepmom is being a great help. 

MelonieP

Honestly, I'd telling her to suck it up and get over it cause it's your day. She had her day TWICE. So stop acting like a spoiled brat!

JFH2010

I'm sure it's difficult for her, and you can have compassion for her without getting pulled into the drama.  Weddings certainly stir up the family pot, but you have enough to worry about without managing all of that as well.  Just acknowlege her feelings, let her know that you really hope she can look past it and attend, and move on.