No Vows?

Leanne7b

Has anyone been to or had a wedding where the couple didn't repeat or recite their vows to each other?  We are looking into ideas for more of either the officiant recites and we say something in agreement or more of a combined vows and ring exchange where we only say I DO or something very brief. 
Ideas?

aerinpegadrak

I think you have to do some sort of vow, even if it's just the "repeat after me" sort.  Check with your officiant, or with the county if you haven't hired an officiant yet.  I may be mistaken, but I think in most places it's not legal unless you each say something to the effect of "I am freely choosing to marry you."  But I'm not an expert, so you should talk to someone who is.

jennylove810

I'm curious what your reasoning is.  Isn't the main point of a wedding ceremony to make a commitment to the person you're marrying?  What exactly would you prefer to do instead to state your vows?

lalap69

In the Orthodox Church there are no vows.  You're asked if you take this person and you say "I do", but that's it.

Leanne7b

I am not really sure what I would like to do, but I know people on here usually come up with creative suggestions and alternatives so I just kinda wanted to see what was out there before I decided on something...

Lasairiona

Legally, you have to say something (doesn't matter what) or else the marriage is not considered valid.

tracy_k

Well, you have to have vows or it isn't a wedding.

But you can be somewhat non-participatory. Just find any "repeat after me" style wedding vows, and change the presentation so that instead of repeating after your officiant, your officant recites the vows in the form of a question, more like this:

Officiant: Do you, Leanne7b, take [Groom] to be your husband ... [insert whatever vows you prefer here] ... as long as you both shall live?

Leanne7b: I do.

Repeat again with husband. Done!

Fystybride

I wrote our vows just the way described above....the JOP will read the "to have and to hold" stuff, and we just say I do.  Waaay to emotional for me to repeat all that, and I don't want to wind up a runny-nosed crybaby.

mnp555

Note on the Quaker weddings:  it is a beautiful ceremony, but difficult for the bride and groom to have it legally recognized since there is no "officiant".  My dad had a Quaker wedding when he remarried, and I remember he had a whole rigamarole with the state about who was the "officiant" at the wedding, and he said "the whole congregation" and New Jersey said" well, that isn't going to work", so buyer beware with that.  It will be a bit of a problem.

t.kaufman

I don't have any ideas, but this is certainly fine! The officiant can read whatever promises/vows or whatever that you want to have done and all you have to do is say "I do" or "hell yeah" or whatever you want! I also attended a wedding where the "vows" were not audible to the guests at all. The bride and groom just took a few minutes to talk to each other - I would assume they were saying vows. It was very different, but could be very meaningful to the couple and might avoid any stage fright.

 Just wanted to add my two cents that it is definitely still a wedding even if you don't recite vows. In fact, I find "vows" that are recited after the officiant to be a bit tacky.

tracy_k

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_vows-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd949e0e-ebdf-4f96-aef0-d1ad92a8c030Post:54ec30c1-3e82-4865-bf5f-33dbe1d212f6">Re: No Vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]I find "vows" that are recited after the officiant to be a bit tacky.
Posted by t.kaufman[/QUOTE]

Um. It's not remotely tacky.

I mean, if you don't like it don't do it, whatever, but it's more than a little obnoxious to call probably 50-75% of the married population "tacky."

leanner977

As lalap mentioned, the Orthodox services have no vows.  We did some paperwork over the phone with our preist a few days ago and he said "Are you freely and willingly entering into this marriage?"  We each said yes and that was that as far as "vows" go.  In the Orthodox religion it is understood that if you're at the Church in a big white dress and tux you are vowing to each other that you've love and cherish and all that stuff.  There may be one question he asks us that day during the ceremony (and I think the answer is actually no...we havent' met with him yet but that's how it was in the others I've seen) but otherwise we stand there silently. Which is perfect for us since we aren't big on talking in front of groups...especially not while blubbering away.

So to those who think you need to have vows...it is not required at all.  In my opinion saying the standard traditional "to have and to hold" vows because you're "supposed to" or think you "have to" isn't a very good reason to do it.